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Nightmares and a vent from oct-nov so far

So lately i have been having these nightmares about a person i know but it doesn't look like the person at all, the "thing" has like a jagged mouth like it has been broken more then once and it's taller then the person and they only have a mouth but in the middle of the night i can feel someone watching me and it started on November 16th which is my birthday, i turned 13th that day and it was alright since my last 3 birthdays i started hating my birthday to the point i nearly begged my parents to cancel my birthday this year but i didn't because my best friend and it was fun with her but now when the nightmares happened i been tired and more mad, it has gotten to the point where i find talking to her or anyone i know is boring and annoying even though most of the time she's the light to brighten up my gloomily day so i thought it was odd for her not brighting up my day like she always does. But i know i'm not crazy or anything, i have been seeing someone in the darkness at night but everytime i look at it, it seems to move places and i hear creaks in the hallway and i will find handprints on my window on the inside and something i know where i last happened it would be 2 or 1 inches moved and my siblings down touch my stuff and if they did they would have atleast told me they did and on some nights i can feel like someone is sitting on my legs like their trying to break my legs but some other nights its like someone is trying to like stop me from breathing so i would feel a pain or a weight on my chest. I came up with it having a jagged mouth through blur moments where i look at it with drooly eyes but i can't make out the face or face-ish i guess but i seen a mouth like opening but i fell back to sleep after it moved. Through out the day i can hear like creaks when no one moves but it's only me who hears it and sometimes i will be walking down the hallway and feel a hand around my thoat but it would only be 5 seconds and it doesn't only happen at home it happens at school too, i would be in class and be sudden tired even though i would have been jumping around the classroom in the morning but i have alot of enegry in the morning until the end of the day but it feels like theirs always a pair of eyes watching me and a weight on my back every hour and every minute, i haven't told anyone about it until now because i see help as a weakness and i hate seem weak, am i the only one who thinks that? or is their others? it just feels so tiring and scary.It's like everyone i known is the same jagged mouth like thing in my house that watches my every move.A few dreams i had where that i could move and look around but it's a loop like time had stopped but others where i couldn't move and i could only look around i also been having a hard time with my mental heath lately too and its been adding on the the nightmares like the person is actually real and since it's been adding on to the nightmares, i notice that i have been having suicidally thoughts more and more often then last year, i would have around 4 to 7 thoughts each class i have and i have three well four.But who do i ask or tell about this? i don't wanna seem weak nor a jerk who can't speak for herself so i keep it to myself most of the time, im scared to get close to others, im scared to lose the ones that are close to me already, im just scared of everything right now, it's like im lost in a void with the thing and i can't get away from it ever, its like a loop, nothing is new to me even if it's something i like doing and i can't do this loop anylonger, i don't know how much longer until i break from everything going on and i just want to go home and be free but it feels like only way out of this loop and void is to end it all and i don't have to harm the others who care for me deeply, i can't stand to see there faces covered in tears and reget of not being there for me when they thought i was okay, its just alot of pressure for one 13 year old to handle by herself in a tough house-hold, its a fucked up family im in its just fucked up, i feel like im the problem so i have to deal with whats happing to myself and i don't wanna bother my social worker already she has alot of other kids to help so i won't bother her about this but i swear it's like im sucking  everyones joy they have from them, i feel like everyone i talk to is trying to avoid me since i have been more sadder then normal and i think my friends i known for years more then a year, are leaving me behind like a lost puppy looking for a home.

Thats all i can write for tonight, i'll write more tomorrow, ly guys and thank you for hearing me rant/vent