What did I ever do to you?

you thought wrong

I cried the rest of the day. Didn't eat. Didn't train. Didn't leave. I just cried.

I told myself I was too injured to train anyways. It may have been true, but it wasn't the reason I couldn't get up from bed. Some of my fingers were bleeding from picking them.

I only stopped crying, because the tears stopped. I had cried them all out. I could tell I was dehydrated. I hadn't had a sip of water in over 24 hours. I decided that would be my mission. Get water.

I rolled out of my bloodied sheets, walking to a mirror. My eyes were bloodshot and my hair was a mess. I fixed my hair into a bun, but there wasn't much I could do about the eyes. I threw on my slippers and opened my door.

The hallway air was warmer. Or maybe that was just in my head. I stepped out, thankfully alone this time. I walked to the kitchen, my limp was nearly gone now. The closer I got the more I could hear everyone in the common area. As I entered I tried my best to hide my face, but as I walked into the kitchen there was no hiding it from Wanda standing in front of me.

"Hey, I feel like I haven't seen you all day. You missed dinner, you want me to reheat something?" She says, not paying much attention to my appearence. Maybe she wouldn't notice.

"Oh no, I had takeout." I lie.

"If you say so." She does a double take, "Jeez your eyes look red. Have you been crying?"

"Oh no it's just allergies." I respond.

"It's nearly September." She says, putting her hand on her hip.

"Fall allergies, they'll get ya'."

"Fall allergies aren't a thing."

"My aunt always did say I was one of a kind." I shrug.

She sighs, "Well when you're ready to talk about your allergies, I'm here."

"Word." I nod.

I grab a cup, filling it with water, and hurry back to my room. I take a few big gulps and lay back down. I need something to distract me, so I grab my guitar and I play. I must've played for a good two hours, before I noticed the pain in my fingers. When you play guitar enough, callouses form to protect your fingers, but with my accelerated healing I can never build them up thick enough.

It's past ten o'clock, it's polite to stop playing anyways. I'm putting my guitar up, when there's a knock on my door.

"Yeah?" I say, nervously.

The door creaks open to reveal my favorite person in the world. Kate.

"Hi, I wanted to make sure you weren't dead." She says, stepping into the room.

"Despite my best efforts, I am." I sigh.

"Damn, I was hoping I wouldn't have to keep seeing your face."

"How kind of you."

"What's up with the mountain of tissues?" She asks.

"None of your business." The words come out sharper than I mean.

"Ok, then. Did something happen?"

"We hate each other. Why are you trying to be my friend all of a sudden?" I snap at her.

"I thought after last night we sort of fixed some stuff." She explains.

"Well you thought wrong, Kate." I raise my voice ever so slightly.

"It seems I did." Her demeanor changing, she turns around grabbing the door handle to leave. "Goodbye, Emmelyn."

She closes the door before I can say anything. Why the hell did I say that. I thought we had fixed some stuff too. Maybe we did, but even so I just undid it all. In two sentences I undid it all.

Contrary to recent behavioral patterns, I didn't cry. I put on A Quiet Place and pretended nothing happened. When the movie was over, I put The Conjuring. I tried to pick scarier movies, so then maybe I would have nightmares about them. It was better than nightmares about the real stuff. The real people.

I was on my sixth movie when sunlight started peaking through my window. I'm not unaccustomed to all nighters, but some were worse than others. Although this one was pretty run of the mill. I have my oddly high energy levels hitting me and my eyes feel dry.

I still feel like shit don't get me wrong, it's just a very energetic shitty feeling. I force myself up to take a shower. I don't feel like I'm in my body. More so just spectating my life as it happens. The feeling can last for hours or months. I never know what to expect.

After Sarah, I spectated for months. I just watched on as I made horrible decisions over and over again. Nat was wrong for bringing her up. Very wrong. Part of me wants her to come and say sorry, the other part would rather get shot than see her right now.

She hasn't said anything or texted. Everyone else seems in the dark about what happened. I feel a bit bad for turning Wanda down, but I just can't tell her. It makes things complicated. When people know what happened they start looking at you like your fragile and could break at any moment. It's a horrible feeling. What's funny is Nat never looked at me like that. She only saw Sarah as a way to get at me and I'm not sure what's worse.

She said she was just worried. That's what everyone says. And maybe she was worried. The words don't change meaning just because she was 'worried'. She said what she said and there is no taking that back. Not telling Stark is the only thing she can do for me right now.

When I finish showering, I'm still just going through the motions. But that's still better than doing nothing at all.

I change and head to train a bit. I probably shouldn't be yet, but I couldn't care less. The gash could reopen, be ten times worse, and I still wouldn't care.

That's how I spent the next week. I train, eat, and get three hours of sleep if I'm lucky. I was lucky this time, I woke up one morning and I felt normal. Or as close to normal as I got since she died. I felt good enough to actually talk to people that day. For a week I simply avoided any and all unnecessary conversation. Nat apologized and it was one of the most sincere apologies I've received. She knew she hurt me and she knew she'd have to win me back over. When I talked to other people, I found I had been oblivious to the fact we were having a party in two days.

So that's where I am. Wearing a tight black dress that's probably too short, at a party, yet again thrown by Stark. But this time it's not just the team. There are a few hundred people here. Many of them look important. A few misfits here and there, but mostly important people. I didn't really ask what the party was for, so I've been wandering for a couple minutes, making the rounds and what not.

Only thing is that the only people who know I'm Silk are on the team. Everyone else here just thinks I'm some random college kid. No one even knows I'm Emmelyn Kraft. Or I thought no one knew until I hear an all too familiar voice behind me.

"Oh my god. Emmelyn!"

This is gonna be interesting.