Make Us Play Forever? Conan Gray x Reader

Winner! **UPDATED**

Sorry for all the Author notes & updates, but I just have to!

YAYYYYYYY ITS LIKE 11 HOURS AWAY WHERE I LIVE QEDGJKHIJOIHUGBXNKOI*QYEUGEBJNMWDSAFCDVIGUHOPI[ OJGHOPIOP[IUY8E89302QOIJN

I also lied about where I live to win a Winner shirt for free... I'm not gonna get it anyway lol but I didn't realise that I put that I live in USA until it was too late lol.

"Thanuverymuch"- Conan Gray

**EDIT**

OMG GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ITTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDD

Gotta say that I still love Never Ending Song more... but that's because...

Recently, my uncle killed himself. (Technically he was my parent's cousin, but I'm closer to him than I am to my actual uncles) He was so young. It was a bit after NES came out... about a month after. NES helped me cope with it all. I want his memory to go on and on and on, but I also want him to get out of my mind. I want a break from the 24/7 sadness. I can hear and see him everywhere, in songs, in art, in aesthetics and in random jokes. I feel like I did and am sacrificing parts of the rest of my life because of him. I've been thrown into years of upset over him. I wrote in a recent letter to him (an assignment from my therapist):

There's one video of Jamie that makes me a bit sad. I don't really know why. I think it's because he's drunk. He's performing Bohemian Rhapsody with a school. He's pretty young there, and he's still developing his style with singing and performing. It's pretty good, but you can tell he's quite drunk. It's a difficult song, for sure. I think it makes me sad because you can tell that he's at the point of his life where he relies on alcohol to soothe his pain and other troubles. I think I hate that because of you, because I knew that you relied on substances and alcohol too. It's funny though, because it makes me glad that he doesn't drink anymore. He pushed past that need and reliance because he knew that it was dangerous. Part of me hurts to say this, but it makes me sad that you couldn't do that. If I ever met Jamie, I think I'd tell him that. I might include a letter to him and Conan and send it to you someday because I have so much to thank both for. I'd tell Jamie about you, and how you would've loved Counterfeit. I'd tell him that I was grateful for him for some stupid reason. I'd tell him that his acting gave me a safe space and that his laughter has been a part of my healing. About how I'm so glad that he's gotten past alcohol (OFC, I'd be sensitive about the subject and gentle) because it gives me hope, weirdly enough. I shouldn't, but if you were alive I'd shove it in your face (gently) that you CAN get past these problems. I loved you so much. I still love you. But I wish you tried. It's selfish that I think that, but you never tried rehab. You said "I want to get better" but you never even tried. 

I don't mean to be all sob story and all that jazz, but I just hope someone understands. NES helped me heal. The day that we got a call about his passing, everybody went out for a walk. I just went downstairs, put my hair up, put jeans on, went back upstairs, went onto YouTube on the TV and blasted NES, attempting to dance along while I sobbed. NES describes my pain and feelings towards both him and the guy I like more than any other song that I've ever heard.

Guys, you are not alone. My uncle was wrong when he thought that it wouldn't matter that much. I REPEAT- YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

If it counts, I care about you. Conan Gray exists, so there's another reason to keep existing *insert audible shrug here*

TYSM For all the reads. Updates soon, I promise. I wrote some, but I have something way overdue that I had to get done. I wrote some small parts of the next chapter tho <3