Love You Secretly [MTL]

Ch 1

1

In early August, the whole city is filled with the sticky heat of summer, making people unaware that autumn will begin in a few days.

Afternoon, the sun was still shining like midsummer, dazzling the eyes.

Although the air-conditioning in the subway was very strong, as soon as he walked out of the subway station, Taoxi felt a gust of hot air rushing towards his face, and after a while, his back was sweating.

After exiting the station, Taoxi did not rush down the steps, but walked to the shade, took out a parasol from her bag, opened it, and covered herself before walking into the sun with the umbrella .

Walking along the sidewalk not far away, seeing three men approaching in front of her, Tao Xi suddenly felt a sense of tension and oppression, she subconsciously stepped aside, her body was almost close to the edge of the sidewalk , and deliberately lowered the parasol in his hand to block his sight.

So that I don't have to look at the men who are walking towards me.

But even if she hid herself like this, Taoxi still felt an inexplicable flustered feeling, and even the fingers holding the handle of the umbrella trembled slightly. She didn't slowly recover until the three men walked away.

Moving the parasol in front of her up and down, Tao Xi raised her eyes and glanced into the distance. Two crossroads ahead, she could reach where she was going.

Lu Zhaomin's psychological consultation room.

Continuing to walk along the sidewalk to the end, seeing that the traffic light at the zebra crossing ahead was still red, Taoxi stopped, holding her umbrella on her head, and staring absently at the white sun on the ground.

It wasn't until she noticed other pedestrians walking forward from the corner of her eye that she moved the parasol up a little and followed suit.

The sun is still very hot, even if there is a parasol to block it, but the stuffy heat can't stop it, sticky and thick sticky on the person, not far away, the whole person feels a little tired.

After the second intersection, turn left and walk into a street full of plane trees. Although there are shades everywhere, you can't feel the cool air.

But at least it's not so dry.

Taoxi put away the parasol in her hand and put it in her bag, then she took out a bottle of water from the bag, unscrewed the cap, she stood there and took two or three sips, moistening herself a little Dry throat.

Put away the bottle of water, and walked along the shade of the tree for three to five minutes before arriving at the office building she was going to go to today.

The psychological consultation room is on the twelfth floor of this office building.

Taoxi walked into the office building with a dull head, walked through the lobby, and chose an empty elevator, which went straight to the twelfth floor.

After registering at the reception desk of the consultation room, Tao Xi walked towards the treatment room by herself. It seemed that the time agreed with Lu Zhaomin's psychologist was less than ten minutes away, so she didn't have to wait outside.

All the way through the long corridor with pure white walls, Tao Xi walked slowly to the door of the treatment room. She stopped, raised her hand, and knocked on the door with her index finger curled.

There was a quick response in the room: "Please come in."

Hearing the voice, Tao Xi frowned slightly, hearing that Lu Zhaomin's voice today seemed to be different, compared with the past, it seemed to be a little more dull and magnetic, saying that he had a cold It doesn't sound like it, but it looks like a different person.

Tao Xi slightly pushed the door open with doubts.

A large patch of full sunlight passed through the crack of the door, clearly shining in front of our eyes, but after being blocked by the screen curtains of the floor-to-ceiling windows, the sunlight falling into the room was not so glaring.

Tao Xi was still standing at the door, she held the doorknob with one hand, and just looked at it through the yellow light.

Sure enough, there was a strange man standing opposite.

The man was wearing a simple white shirt, standing against the light, leaning half loosely against the desk behind him, he was surprisingly good-looking, with picturesque eyebrows, and smooth facial lines that were so delicate that they seemed to be outlined in ink. , every stroke is just right, without any extra ink.

Where the light is dim, the man's face is more aggressive, unscrupulously plundering the sight of others, it is an existence that makes people unable to move their eyes away when they see it.

Tao Xi obviously felt her heartbeat suddenly drop.

As a writer of online novels, she has actually described the looks of the male protagonists of many novels in words, either gorgeous or bright, but when she actually saw such a handsome man in real life, she couldn't find any suitable ones in her mind. Words can describe his looks.

When she met the man's smiling eyes, Tao Xi felt her head went blank, and she suddenly lost any response. She didn't know what to do, she almost subconsciously clenched the doorknob, "Bang——" He closed the door with a snap.

"..."

After being stunned by the door for a few seconds, Tao Xi realized that his behavior just now was a little rude, not a little, but too rude.

She held the doorknob and took a deep breath. Although her palms were sweating and she resisted opening the door to meet the man's gaze, she still bit the bullet and slowly opened the door.

The bright sunlight flashed in front of his eyes again. Through the light, Taoxi saw that the man opposite him was still in the same posture as before. He was still leaning against the table, supporting the table with one hand, and holding the phone in the other hand. He heard the movement at the door, He looked up again.

This time there was still a cool smile in his eyes: "Are you looking for Lu Zhaomin?"

Tao Xi clenched the doorknob tightly, her eyes dodged a little, she nodded slightly: "Yes, Dr. Lu hasn't come yet? "

"He went out beforehand." The man held the phone in one hand, tilted his head slightly, and signaled, "Come in and wait, he will be here soon." "Okay, thank you." Taoxi lowered her eyes

, There was some hesitation in her heart, after all, she was not used to being alone in a room with a strange man.

But if you don't go in, if you just stand at the door, or if you close the door like just now, it will be too rude to think about it.

Tao Xi finally pushed open the door and walked in.

She bowed her head across half of the room, and sat on the sofa in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows. The position was just opposite to the man in the white shirt, as if she could see him as soon as she looked up.

After sitting down, Tao Xi only felt a little uncomfortable, at a loss what to do, as if he was bound in silk, with his hands and feet bound.

In order to ease the embarrassment, she took out her mobile phone from her bag, opened Weibo, and casually browsed the updates of the bloggers she followed on the homepage. Although she kept swiping and pulling the screen with her fingers, she couldn't see anything.

All my thoughts were on that strange man not far away.

The man seemed to be waiting for Lu Zhaomin's psychologist as well. He had been standing in front of the table from the beginning, and he was probably still looking at his phone right now.

Tao Xi held the mobile phone in both hands, and the long finger of one hand gently pressed the side button of the mobile phone. She raised her eyelids slightly, and she saw the white canvas shoes on the man's feet not far away from her corner of the eye. He was still standing there. over there.

As her eyelids were raised little by little, the figure of the man came into her eyes little by little.

In the thin yellow light, the man was still leaning against the table behind him with one hand on the table, the sleeves of his white shirt were half rolled up on his arms, and he could see the cyan winding blood vessels carrying the unique male hormones.

Moving his gaze up a little bit, he saw the man's side face as cool as the moonlight. He was looking at his mobile phone with his eyes downcast, his dull blue hair was slightly dyed, with clear and shallow ripples.

The sunlight passing through the white gauze curtain was bright and warm, but when it fell on him, it gave off a cool feeling, as if there was a kind of indifference and alienation.

But compared to the cold and cheerless, he is a bit warmer after all.

Just like when she looked at him just now, Tao Xi could clearly feel the gentle smile in his eyes.

Seeing the man putting away his cell phone and about to turn his head towards her, Tao Xi hurriedly lowered his eyes and pretended to fiddle with the cell phone in his hand.

I just feel flustered.

Like a student who was discovered by the teacher for cheating on the exam, he was so flustered that his heart was pounding.

"Do you want to drink water?"

Tao Xi raised her head when she heard the man's voice, but just as she met the man's gaze, she lowered her head again and whispered: "No, thank you, I have brought water myself."

As she said that, Taoxi took out the bottle of water from her bag. She wanted to show the man some water. She did bring water herself, but after she took it out, she didn't know whether it was because she was too nervous to be thirsty, or because Under the man's gaze, her brain suddenly twitched, and she accidentally unscrewed the bottle cap, then raised her head and gulped down several sips of water.

"Cough...cough..."

Maybe because she drank too fast, she accidentally choked on it, and.

And in front of the man in the white shirt.

"..."

Save. Life.

good. leave. Face.

Tao Xi's fair cheeks were instantly stained with blush, and when she felt excess water stains around her lips, she raised her hand and rubbed it off with the back of her hand.

"Your lipstick."

"Huh?"

Hearing the man's voice again, Tao Xi looked up while screwing on the cap of the water bottle.

Under the thin sunlight, the man leaned slightly sideways on the table behind him, his brows and eyes seemed to be tinged with light, and his outline became more three-dimensional. When he looked at Taoxi, he smiled, and pointed his long finger at the corner of his own mouth. Bottom: "The lipstick around her mouth is rubbed off." "

..."

Taoxi lowered her head shyly. She reached out from the compartment of her bag to find the small mirror she carried with her, took it out, and looked down.

I don't know if I don't look at it, but I'm startled when I see it.

The lipstick on both sides of her mouth was rubbed on both sides, she looked like a kitten whose face was flushed with red juice after stealing a red dragon fruit, embarrassed and funny.

"..."

Tao Xi frowned, and casually put the capped water bottle beside her. When she reached out to take out a tissue from her bag, she heard footsteps coming from the opposite side before she could find it. She saw the man holding a tissue with his long fingers, and handed it to her: "Here, the tissue." "

Thank you." Taoxi lowered her head and took the tissue.

She sat there coyly, until she saw the man turn and leave out of the corner of her eye, she held the small mirror in her palm, lowered her head, and slowly wiped off the excess lipstick around her mouth with a tissue.

Seeing that the lipstick on her mouth is a little pale, she needs to touch up her makeup, but I feel a little uncomfortable to touch up my makeup in front of strangers, and I am really embarrassed.

Tao Xi thought about it, and decided to forget it.

When throwing the small mirror into the bag, Taoxi caught a glimpse of the lipstick on the back of her right hand, so she wiped off the lipstick on the back of her right hand with the tissue she used just now.

The white paper towel was stained with a lot of lipstick. Tao Xi clenched the paper towel into a ball in his hand, raised his eyes slightly to look for the trash can in the room, and saw that it was not too far away from the writing desk. That's all.

But the man in the white shirt is also very close.

In the end, Taoxi couldn't get up and walk over, but just stuffed the tissue with lipstick in her bag.

The previous calm was restored in the room, and after a short wait, the door rang, and Lu Zhaomin pushed the door open and entered.

Tao Xi hurriedly stood up and said hello, "Doctor Lu."

"Hey, here we come." Lu Zhaomin replied with a smile on his face.

This psychiatrist is very handsome, with free-spirited eyebrows and eyes, and has a bookish atmosphere. He always gives people a gentle and gentle feeling, but he is as easy to get close as the big brother next door.

After a short pause, Lu Zhaomin greeted him kindly again, "Sit down first, I'll have a few words with my friend, just explain things." "

Okay, it's fine."

Lu Zhaomin didn't say anything, just nodded slightly, Only then did he turn his head to look at the man in the white shirt: "I've prepared all the documents you want for you." "I'm sorry to trouble you

this time, and I owe you a meal."

Lu Zhaomin picked up a pack of briefcases on the table and handed them over to him. Passed over: "Would you like to read it here now, there are some things you don't understand, just so you can consult me ​​face to face."

The man in the white shirt took the briefcase: "It's okay, anyway, I have nothing to do next, that's just right How about the Shenglan restaurant we often go to for dinner after work?" "

Okay, you wait for me outside, I'll see a doctor first."

Taoxi sat there sullenly, and when he heard the name of Shenglan restaurant, he remembered There is one opposite the convenience store downstairs from her house.

I heard it is still the most popular branch.

"Then I'll go out first."

"Okay."

Hearing that the man in the white shirt was about to leave, Tao Xi, who was sitting on the sofa and listening to the conversation over there, raised her head almost subconsciously, thinking that she would see the man The back of her, but when she looked up, she happened to see the man looking at her.

The man nodded to her with a faint smile in his eyes, as if greeting her.

Tao Xi sat there at a loss, she didn't express anything, she just felt her heart beating a little faster, and before she had time to react, she saw the man in the white shirt turn around and walk towards the door.

Only leaving her a clear back.

"Tao Xi, come and sit down."

Hearing Lu Zhaomin's voice, Tao Xi regained consciousness, she walked over with her bag, and Lu Zhaomin had already sat at the desk.

Tao Xi sat directly opposite.

As soon as she sat down firmly, Taoxi threw the lipstick-stained tissue in her bag into the trash can beside her.

"How are you doing recently? Do you still have insomnia and palpitations?" Lu Zhaomin opened Taoxi's medical record.

Taoxi put the bag on the chair next to him, and replied: "It's been better recently, but occasionally I suffer from insomnia, and most of the sleep is not bad." "What about heart

palpitations?"

, when I saw three men walking towards me, I was still a little scared to the point where my fingers trembled." Tao Xi said honestly.

Lu Zhaomin nodded, picked up the carbon pen next to his hand, and recorded what Taoxi told him in the medical record.

"However."

Tao Xi bit her lower lip. She originally wanted to say that when she was alone with the man in the white shirt just now, she didn't feel anything unusual. Although she was still a little uncomfortable, she didn't have the fear she used to have when she was alone with a strange man. , or panic.

Even the rapid heartbeat is not a scare like palpitations.

But Tao Xi hesitated for a while, and she failed to express those feelings, and secretly hid them like a girl's secret thoughts.

"But what?" Seeing that Taoxi was silent, Lu Zhaomin asked.

Tao Xi raised her eyes, and as soon as she met Lu Zhaomin's eyes, her eyes dodged and avoided the other's sight, and turned to look at the flocculent jellyfish floating around in the crystal ball on the table.

Every time she was embarrassed to look at Dr. Lu, she would always look at the crystal ball.

"It's just that I'm not as scared as before. I didn't turn around and leave, but walked towards them face to face." Tao Xi turned to the previous topic with a guilty conscience.

Although she deliberately covered her sight with a parasol, it was much better than the oppressive feeling of suffocating and even wanting to turn around and run away immediately when she saw a strange man walking towards her in the past.

Lu Zhaomin nodded slightly, and continued to record Taoxi's condition in the medical record.

"It means that your condition is slowly improving. Today I will try to reduce the dose of the medicine for you. When you come back in two weeks, we will look at your condition." As he said, Lu Zhaomin turned sideways on the computer to start a new A drug order was opened.

"Could it be that if I'm better, I can see the doctor once a month?"

Lu Zhaomin finished typing the drug list on the computer, turned around and faced Tao Xi, and replied, "It depends on your situation to adjust the time of the doctor's visit, because Until now, you still haven't been able to tell what happened before, this is your crux, if you don't face it or accept it, it will be difficult for you to deal with the problem, and even more difficult is to let it go." Taoxi sat down with her head depressed

. There, she lowered her eyes slowly, and the sigh from the bottom of her heart seemed to come to an end quietly.

She said nothing more.

Lu Zhaomin took out a piece of white paper and a set of watercolor pens from the table, and handed them to Tao Xi: "So the main task today is to try to draw the hidden part of your heart." "Yes." Tao

Xi Xi responded softly.

She opened the cap of the watercolor pen, and among the many colored watercolor pens, she chose black.

There was hardly any hesitation.

Then she made a picture with black watercolor pens.

Raindrops, lightning, houses, little girls.

There is almost no decoration in the room, except for a light bulb hanging from the roof.

This painting looks like nothing, but it is very simple. On the surface, it seems to convey a little girl staying at home alone on a rainy day.

But when Lu Zhaomin saw the painting, he couldn't help but frowned slightly. In the painting, the large raindrops, the few strokes of lightning, and the blank space of the light bulb were all painted by Tao Xi with a black watercolor pen. , without a trace of blankness.

There were no painted windows in the room either.

This looks more like a confined space like a warehouse.

After Taoxi finished painting over there, she covered the cap of the watercolor pen without saying a word, and put the black watercolor pen back into the box.

Then she handed the painting to Lu Zhaomin: "It's finished."

There are all black lines on the white paper, which looks very depressing at first glance.

Lu Zhaomin nodded slightly, did not speak, just picked up the pen next to his hand, and made a cross in the month of the consultation time in the medical record.

"After that, I still have to come here every two weeks."

Tao Xi bit her lip and nodded.

Lu Zhaomin crossed his hands on the table, and asked, "How are you doing recently, are emotional problems still affecting your normal life?

" , she continued, "I also found a part-time job recently, because I have to pay off the mortgage. Writing novels alone is a bit stressful, but this part-time job doesn't require much contact with people." "It's okay, take your time, you can

learn Going to slowly open yourself, you have already taken a small step, if you are too anxious, it will be counterproductive, so usually, do you always stay at home?" Lu Zhaomin continued to ask.

"Well, I'm still at home most of the time, and occasionally go out for a walk, but I recently tried the emotional distraction method you suggested last time, Dr. Lu, and I plan to go to museums, art galleries, etc. Find some material for the novel, and..."

...

As if she wanted to tell all the thoughts that no one had talked about in the past two weeks, Tao Xi described her recent situation in detail.

Speaking of which, she lived in Qingbei alone, with no family or friends, and only her kitten was with her every day, but Niannian couldn't understand her, so it could be said that she had no one around her to confide in.

So whenever Lu Zhaomin asks about her recent situation every time she comes to see a doctor, she always talks a lot.

Tao Xi would talk to this amiable psychiatrist about everything from trivial daily matters to buying a house.

After nearly an hour of psychological diagnosis and treatment, Taoxi left the consultation room with Lu Zhaomin's newly prescribed medicine list.

As soon as he opened the door, he saw the man in the white shirt sitting on the sofa opposite him.

He lowered his eyebrows, looked at the information in his hand with a cool face, and sat there simply, with a quiet demeanor, as calm as the deep water of an ancient well.

The calmness is the most dazzling existence in the room.

It is as psychedelic and clear as a white lotus soaked in a huge glass tank, which is very fascinating.

When Taoxi came out, she only took one look, and it was hard for her to take her eyes off the man in the white shirt, and she couldn't help but want to look at him more.

When she realized that the man was about to raise her head and look towards her, she hurriedly looked away, and followed her forward two or three steps quickly.

Staggered past the figure of the man.

Just a few steps away, behind her, Lu Zhaomin's clear voice was heard.

"Huaiqing, you can come here."