Love You Secretly [MTL]

Ch 39

39

Taoxi woke up from a dream, the dark room in the middle of the night was a bit oppressive, and her heart seemed to be heavy like a stone.

In the dream, the mother's seriously ill and haggard face, and the cloudy tears, after many years, even if she saw it in the dream, it still made her feel that her heart was in constant pain like densely packed needles.

Taoxi has assumed more than once that if her mother hadn't met her father, hadn't given birth to her, if these things hadn't happened, would her mother have a completely different life.

In her impression, her mother is optimistic by nature, loves life, and also loves beauty, but fate seems to have never favored her mother, and always makes things difficult for her, as if her life has just started to improve, but then she rolls again. into another vortex.

Until Xiang Xiaoyu, who was tortured by illness, died.

Compared with her mother, she seemed to be luckier. Although she had spent a lot of effort, she finally escaped from her father's control and started a new life.

But how lucky can she be in the face of impermanent fate?

She lost her mother's love when she was young, and she was displaced for nearly half her life. At the best age, she was helpless, and she never seemed to be really relaxed in her heart. There was even a period of time when she felt sincere and fearful almost every day. I've been on tenterhooks.

The only luck was that she met Shang Huaiqing, who gave her great comfort like a reward from heaven.

But the hardships of life seemed to never let her go, and when everything was getting better, it gave her another heavy blow.

Tao Xi felt the oppressive pain coming from the spine, she sat up involuntarily, but there were still bursts of pain in the abdomen, and these pains seemed to herald the next suffering that was coming.

She can't even hide.

Taoxi, however, lost the fear she had at the beginning. After dreaming that her mother woke up from a start, she was only physically and mentally exhausted. She let the pain wreak havoc in her body, and she just endured it silently.

She lay down again. She didn't sleep well all night, but now she felt drowsy. She closed her eyes and fell asleep in a daze.

When she woke up again, there was already light outside the window, and Taoxi had registered the morning number of the hospital. After getting up and having breakfast, she went out early.

There was some traffic jam on the road on weekdays, so Taoxi chose to take the subway to the hospital. Although the hospital was not far away, it took more than half an hour to arrive.

The hospitals in Qingbei are always overcrowded. This is the first time Taoxi has come to see the gynecology department. She thought she had calmed down, but after the nurse helped her triage, she became nervous again during the short time waiting for the doctor. When she got up, she sat on the chair dumbly, until her name sounded, and after a while, she didn't respond.

"Tao Xi, go to the third consultation room for consultation."

"Tao Xi, are you there?"

Tao Xi stood up, and said to the nurse in a sullen voice, "Yes."

"Third consultation room, go straight ahead, the number one on the right hand A room."

"Okay, thank you."

Tao Xi walked forward to the door of the third consultation room, where she took a deep breath, and then knocked on the door.

"Come in." It was a male doctor who heard the voice.

Taoxi grabbed the doorknob, although she didn't want a male doctor to see her gynecology department, but she was too embarrassed to just turn around and leave, and she really wanted to know the result sooner, if she waited any longer, she would only more tormented.

After a short struggle at the door, she finally pushed the door open and walked in.

Not far away, the fat male doctor sat there with his arms folded, watching her walking towards her with a blank expression, and didn't take the initiative to greet her.

Tao Xi nodded, seeing the serious look of the doctor, the word hello was stuck in her throat, so she didn't dare to say it.

She walked over bravely and sat down on the chair in front of the consultation table.

"What's the matter?" The doctor finally took the initiative to ask her.

Taoxi hugged her bag, she licked her dry lips, and told the doctor about her situation as concretely as possible: "I have had seven days of menstruation this time, and I have had dysmenorrhea for seven days. I used to suffer from dysmenorrhea, but the third Nothing happened in Tianshi. This time, the lower abdomen still hurt on the eighth day. After taking a shower two days ago, I felt hot and cold before going to bed. It seemed like a cold, but it didn't feel like it. "

The doctor listened quietly, and nodded: "It should be pelvic inflammatory disease, it doesn't look like something has grown, but we will take a look after you finish the examination." As he spoke, the doctor manipulated the computer skillfully

, I gave Taoxi a B-ultrasound examination form, and then handed it to her: "Pay the fee first, and then go for the examination." "

Okay." Taoxi took the examination form.

She got up and walked towards the door. Although she had finished the consultation and heard the doctor's initial judgment that it might be pelvic inflammatory disease, she didn't relax. Either she was thinking about whether she had explained her situation clearly to the doctor just now, or she was thinking about waiting. What will it look like to do B overtime.

I am even more worried about the results of the B-ultrasound. If it is not pelvic inflammatory disease, it will be a more serious disease.

Wrapped in chaotic thoughts, after Taoxi walked out of the door of the consulting room, she walked to the unoccupied place on the stairs, where she took a deep breath and slowed down for a while. After her mind gradually cleared up, she went down to the first floor to pay the fee , and then wait for the B-ultrasound.

The results of the examination were not satisfactory. She had two fibroids in her abdomen, the largest of which was nearly ten centimeters long.

"Have you never had a B-ultrasound examination before?"

"No."

"Your fibroids should have grown for a long time, so have you never had a gynecological physical examination before?" "

No."

Taoxi responded casually Follow the examination doctor's questions.

After the B-ultrasound results came out, she froze there. She answered whatever the examining doctor asked her.

Taking the test results back to the doctor who first saw the doctor, Tao Xi had actually prepared for the worst, but when she heard that an operation was needed, the last line of defense in her heart completely collapsed.

"Do I have to undergo surgery in this situation?"

"Yes." The doctor nodded, and said in short, "If it exceeds five centimeters, it needs surgery. Your biggest one is almost ten centimeters."

He was talking. , the doctor printed out a hospitalization form for her from the computer: "Go back and wait for the nurse to call you, and come to the hospital directly."

Taoxi took the hospitalization form. She wanted to ask the doctor about the cause of her disease, but After hearing that she was going to have an operation just now, her mind was in a mess, she couldn't think about it, and she couldn't say anything.

At this moment, there was a knock on the door, it should be the next patient coming to see a doctor, Taoxi couldn't stay any longer, so she got up and left the consulting room in a daze.

Walking out of the hospital and away from the crowd, Taoxi's suppressed emotions began to overflow. Even facing the bright winter sun, her eyes were red with a heavy heart, and tears burst out from the corners of her eyes.

She raised her hand and quickly wiped away those tears, not wanting to draw attention from others.

The tears she had endured were held back in her heart, making her feel extremely uncomfortable.

Back home, Taoxi finally couldn't restrain her emotions that had been held back all the way. She hugged herself in the dark and narrow entrance, and cried hard.

After venting her emotions, Taoxi stood up slowly while supporting the chair at the entrance. She walked to the bathroom and was about to wash her face, but when she saw the eyes that were swollen from crying in the mirror, she couldn't help but burst into tears come out.

I don't know how long it took, when the raging emotions in her body calmed down completely, Taoxi walked out of the bathroom, took out her mobile phone from her bag, and saw a WeChat message Shang Huaiqing sent her ten minutes ago, only a simple good night words and nothing more.

Sending good night at this time in the morning, it seems that he stayed up late again, and he should have just gone to bed at this moment.

Taoxi was holding the mobile phone, looking at the good night he sent, her mind suddenly appeared the tired and tired face he had just rushed back to accompany her through the rainy day earlier.

She rubbed her phone with her fingertips, and originally wanted to inform him of the results of the examination, but now it didn't seem like the right time, she wanted to wait and find a suitable time to tell him.

It just never occurred to me that more than half a month has passed since I waited, but I still can't find the right time.

Instead, she waited for the nurse from the hospital to notify her of her hospitalization call.

For the past half month, Taoxi has been trying to adjust her emotions, not escaping, not giving up on herself, but slowly accepting the facts that have happened.

Face it and solve it like every time she encountered difficulties in the past.

As the days passed, she calmed down a lot, but the moment she received the call from the nurse, she still became inexplicably nervous.

"Hello, is this Ms. Taoxi?"

"Yes."

"I'm a nurse in the inpatient department, and I'm informing you that you will be admitted to the hospital next Monday. Is your time convenient?"

Hearing the time of admission, Taoxi only felt that the heating was on In the ample room, her fingertips instantly became icy cold, and her heart beat involuntarily.

She held the phone, paused for a moment, and then replied hesitantly: "Next Monday is not very convenient." She

had obviously adjusted her mentality, but when it came time to face it, she still involuntarily flinched back.

At least meet Shang Huaiqing once, even if he can't come back to accompany her, she still wants to run over by herself, so as to visit him.

I want him to share her current situation together, even if it's just to give her some strength mentally, it's enough.

"Then what about next Friday?"

Tao Xi still didn't rush to answer, she held her mobile phone and looked at the calendar on the table. She has nothing to do recently, but for some reason, she just couldn't decide the date of admission to the hospital. .

She walked over, pulled out a chair and sat down, clenched her fists, took a deep breath, and after a delay of more than half a minute, she finally had the courage to go back to the nurse and said, "Okay, next Friday.

" It's next Friday, just take the hospitalization slip issued by the doctor and come directly to the hospital to go through the hospitalization procedures."

Tao Xi nodded slightly, her lips trembling slightly: "Okay."

After hanging up the phone, Taoxi sat there slumped, feeling almost depressed to the extreme. Her hard work for more than half a month suddenly fell apart when she received a call from the nurse to be admitted to the hospital.

I don't know if it's because she's too afraid of surgery, or because she's dependent on Shang Huaiqing from the bottom of her heart, she's not as strong as before, and she has a weakness in her heart.

She seemed to be having a hard time getting through this level on her own.

Tao Xi took the phone, she didn't even open WeChat to ask if Shang Huaiqing was free, she just called him directly.

Soon there was a call over there.

"Hey, why did you call me all of a sudden?"

Hearing Shang Huaiqing's familiar voice, Taoxi's tears flowed down after she had endured it for a long time. She opened her mouth, but her emotions just seemed to be stuck in her throat. It made her speechless. "Why don't you talk, huh?" Shang Huaiqing's lazy voice continued ,

"Don't tell me, you just accidentally dialed my wrong number." "Huaiqing, the

director asked you to come over!"

Someone called him on the other end of the phone, and Taoxi said urgently: "I'm actually..." "

Hey, wait for me, I'm a little busy here, let's have a wechat video later, okay?" Shang Huaiqing interrupted out of her mouth.

Tao Xi lowered her eyes, letting two lines of tears flow slowly down her cheeks, she nodded, in order not to delay Shang Huaiqing's work, she only said a good word, and silently hung up the phone.

The room suddenly fell silent.

The days in winter are very short, and the time is approaching evening. The sky has begun to dim, and the darkness is quietly pressing down, swallowing the only remaining light in the room inch by inch.

Tao Xi was still sitting there, the afterglow of the evening outside the window peeled off her body little by little until her whole body was submerged in the darkness.

But the isolation and helplessness at that moment was more depressing than the darkness that came quietly.

After a long time, Taoxi took out a tissue from the table, she wiped away her tears, then got up slowly, and turned on the light in the room.

The white light overwhelmed the darkness, instantly enveloping the whole room. Maybe after staying in the darkness for a long time, Taoxi felt a little glaring, even a little sour when the light was turned on. She almost subconsciously covered her eyes with her hands, It took a while for her to get used to the dazzling white light.

She waited until after ten o'clock at night, but she didn't wait for Shang Huaiqing's wechat video. Maybe he forgot, or he was still busy, and Taoxi didn't bother him.

Before going to bed, she looked through the previous chat records with Shang Huaiqing, and inquired about the location where he is currently filming, which is in Longwu City, a small remote city in the north.

After finding the city, Taoxi switched the webpage directly and booked a flight ticket from Qingbei to Longwu City.

The flight at ten o'clock in the morning the day after tomorrow.

After buying the air ticket and then booking the hotel, Taoxi switched the screen to the WeChat chat dialog box with Shang Huaiqing, wanting to inform him before going to find him, but she held the phone and thought for a long time, but she couldn't think of a suitable one. prologue.

She didn't even want to chat with Shang Huai because of an opening remark, and she really wasn't in the mood to chat with him.

Compared with the joy of visiting him at the border last time, this time the mood is much heavier. Even if she can see him the day after tomorrow, she doesn't have any expectations. After all, what she brought him this time was not a good one. information.

It might even become a burden for him.

Tao Xi stared blankly at the phone screen, unconsciously rubbed the edge of the phone with her fingertips, paused for a while, but she still didn't send him anything in the end, and directly quit WeChat.

She thought it would be good to go directly to him at that time, anyway, when she was looking through the chat records just now, she also saw the location of his recent filming location.

While thinking this way, Tao Xi put the phone on the bedside table, and then she turned off the lamp beside the bed.

Lying on the bed, she tossed and turned and couldn't sleep. After that night, she took the ten o'clock flight the next day and flew from Qingbei to Longwu City where Shang Huaiqing was located.

After getting off the plane, Taoxi put the suitcase in the hotel she booked in advance, and then she took a taxi to the set where Shang Huaiqing is currently filming.

A flea market in Longwu City.

In the past few days, the filming studios were all there. In the morning, Shang Huaiqing sent her a WeChat message, sharing with her a delicious breakfast shop in the market.

On the way to the flea market, the nostalgic and simple scenery of this small town is everywhere outside the window, but Taoxi is not in the mood to appreciate it. Two days ago, she was eager to see Shang Huai, but she really ran over. After calming down, She actually regretted it a little.

She ran over so capriciously without saying hello. If she really wanted to tell Shang Huaiqing about the surgery, would it affect his work?

Longwu City is very small, and before Taoxi could figure out what she was struggling with, the taxi had already arrived at the flea market.

"Girl, here we are, eight yuan." The taxi driver turned around and said.

Tao Xi nodded: "Let me scan your WeChat."

After paying the fare, Tao Xi got out of the car.

It was freezing cold in the north in November. As soon as she got out of the car, Taoxi felt the biting cold wind coming towards her face. She couldn't help shivering from the cold. She wrapped her scarf around her neck, almost covering half of her face. , finally felt a little warmth.

Looking up, even though the weather was cold, the second-hand goods market was very lively, with old people wandering everywhere, Tao Xi raised his feet and walked towards the front.

After inquiring at the fruit stand in front, Tao Xi continued to walk forward after learning that the crew was at the crossroads ahead.

Passing through the crowded market, I didn't go far before I saw the crew stationed at the intersection.

Because the shooting was in progress, the area around the intersection was temporarily cleared. Taoxi couldn't get too close, so she had to stop. She stood under the ceiling at the end of the market and looked forward.

Not far away, Shang Huai was half leaning against the railing on the street. He should be dressed like a movie character, with a simple white shirt, uniquely designed black overalls, accessories of the same color around his waist, and a very attractive pair on his left leg. With eye-catching decorative belt buckles and black leather boots, this outfit looks very much like that kind of cold, even cruel agent.

The weather was very cold, and he was wearing very thin clothes, but he seemed to be in a good mood. Right now, he was chatting with the staff of the crew.

When talking about getting excited, he smiled happily, obviously dressed up very cool, but under the bright sunlight, his eyes were full of sparkling smiles.

Taoxi stood in the shadow of the ceiling, half of her face was still huddled in the scarf, she couldn't see much emotion, only her usual clear eyes, which seemed a little dim and lonely in the shadow.

Looking at Shang Huaiqing standing under the sun over there, it is so close, but only a few meters away, but Taoxi suddenly feels that there is a long distance between him and him, even so far away that he seems to be a person from two worlds .

He remembered that he had told her before that they were the same kind of people, they had both been ruthlessly made things difficult by life, and they both walked out of that sad past by themselves.

But compared to her, he seems to have been completely far away from the past. Now he is the king of the movie, with a bright future, and the future will only get better and better.

Taoxi lowered her eyes, thinking of her current situation, she is actually not bad, at least she is well-known in the Internet circle now, but only she knows how difficult she has been along the way, almost desperate I did my best and even exhausted my efforts to achieve today's fair results.

Now that she is sick again, she originally came here to tell Shang Huaiqing, but seeing him so happy, she suddenly backed down, not wanting to pour a pot of cold water on him when he was so happy, to sweep his face prosper.

She raised her eyes and looked over there. Shang Huaiqing was still happily chatting over there, learning some martial arts moves from the people around him from time to time. There was a beautiful girl next to him. She should be the heroine of a movie. She was very tall. Well, the beauty is also like the person in the painting.

When learning those martial arts moves with Shang Huaiqing, the girl looked very happy, bouncing around like a little rabbit. Under the sun, she was pure and bright, as if she had been protected since she was a child. The older type of girl, with a wanton smile and no burden.

Standing beside Shang Huaiqing is also a particularly good match.

Taoxi could hear a sigh in her heart, and her mood became more and more depressed. Those low self-esteem and inappropriate things in the past reappeared, whether it was the actress before, or the tens of billions she saw that night on the beach. The little daughter, or today's beautiful heroine, seems to be very suitable for Shang Huaiqing, and they are worthy of such an outstanding him.

It's not like her, like a monster living in the dark all year round, withdrawn, awkward and sensitive, but now it's like a burden, even a burden, staying by Shang Huaiqing's side, I'm afraid it will only drag him down.

Tao Xi stood where he was, as if the soles of his feet had taken root, and he couldn't take another step forward.

After standing in the shadow of the market ceiling for so long, she could only silently look at Shang Huaiqing who was not far away.

In the end, she turned and left silently.