Love You Secretly [MTL]

Ch 40

40

The cold wind blows over the cheeks, as cold as when it came.

Tao Xi walked aimlessly in the flea market, going around and around, and when she finally walked out the door, she didn't know where she had gone.

It's not the entrance that came.

She didn't care too much, she just felt confused, and she didn't care about other things, she just continued walking to the road, stopped a taxi, and she took the car back to the hotel directly.

It was afternoon, but the north-facing hotel room was a bit dark. Tao Xi walked in, and the door slowly closed behind her.

The room was very quiet, so quiet that only the sound of her footsteps walking to the bed was left.

Tao Xi sat down on the side of the bed dejectedly, and at this moment, her wandering emotions began to tug at the bottom of her heart wantonly.

She came to this strange town in a hurry, and went straight to the place where Shang Huaiqing lived, but in the end it was all in vain.

He didn't find any consolation, instead, he brewed a farewell in his heart that no one knew about.

Reluctant to part with hindsight, and some resentment that he didn't show up to her in time when she needed Shang Huaiqing the most, it was extremely uncomfortable in her heart.

But even though she was so uncomfortable, she couldn't cry. All the mixed emotions, the reluctance to be separated from Shang Huaiqing, the difficulties that she was about to face alone, and the suppressed need for him to accompany her more gradually Resentment was born, as well as the loneliness of a strange city, all stuck in her throat, unable to move up or down, almost swallowing her.

Tao Xi tightly grasped the sheet beside the bed with both hands, and after the emotions submerging her like sea water slowly faded from her body, she got up, walked to the suitcase, and then pulled the suitcase that she hadn't had time to open since she came here. Just left the hotel room.

After checking out, she went straight from the hotel to the airport.

I was going to go back to Qingbei that day, and I was also going to face the next surgery alone.

On the second day after returning home, Taoxi followed the instructions on the admission form and began to prepare some necessities needed for admission, such as towels, washbasins, non-slip slippers and so on.

After these things were almost prepared, it was Friday when she was going to be admitted to the hospital in the blink of an eye.

Since I was admitted to the hospital for about a week, the time is neither long nor short, as long as I prepare enough food and water for the cats at home, I don't need to send them to foster care, just stay at home.

After Taoxi settled the cat, she went to the hospital alone. She didn't understand anything when she was hospitalized for the first time. She hurriedly handled the hospitalization and changed into the hospital gown. Finally, she could feel at ease, but Taoxi was always worried. of.

Thinking of spending the night in the ward, she sat beside the hospital bed, feeling her hands and feet were cold, the strange environment, the strange patients, the strangeness of everything made her anxious, and her mood became more and more depressed.

"Is it very uncomfortable?"

Tao Xi lowered her head, and from the corner of her eyes, she saw her clinical patient sitting opposite her, guessing that the words just now should be for her, she looked up.

Sitting opposite was a woman with ear-length short hair, her face was cold, but when she looked at Tao Xi, the short-haired woman asked concerned again: "Do you need me to call a doctor for you?" Tao Xi bit her lower lip: "Thank

you , don't call a doctor."

Although she tried her best to restrain her emotions, when she spoke, there was still some uncontrollable sobs in her tone.

Almost as soon as she finished speaking, her eyes turned red.

The short-haired woman took out a tissue and handed it to her: "That means you are not used to being hospitalized alone, are you homesick?"

Tao Xi took the tissue, but didn't speak anymore, fearing that she would really cry out.

She silently lowered her eyelashes again.

"There's nothing to be afraid of. Basically everyone in this ward comes to the hospital alone, including me. Be strong. The doctors and nurses here are very good. It's okay to have them take care of someone alone." The short-haired woman said in a clear tone. He lightly comforted her with this sentence.

Tao Xi nodded and wanted to say something, but for a while her nose was a little sore, she couldn't say anything.

Mingming gritted her teeth alone until now, and she was ready to accept no matter how bad the situation was in the future, but at this moment, the sudden goodness of the stranger, even if it was just some ordinary relief, would only make her more sad, and even His eyes were red with grievance.

The short-haired woman leaned forward and patted her on the shoulder: "Let's go, it's meal time, have you recharged your meal card?" "

Yes, it's 100." Taoxi tried to hold back those tears and replied.

"That's enough, let's eat."

Taoxi hummed in a muffled voice. She lowered her head and took out the meal card from her bag, put it in the pocket of the hospital gown, and then followed the short-haired woman out of the ward together, toward the Go to the canteen of the inpatient department.

After getting acquainted with each other gradually, Taoxi learned that the short-haired woman is called Xin Man, a painter, with a cold personality and a warm heart, but she is very sincere.

The days in the hospital were a bit boring, but thanks to the company of Xin Man, it was not so difficult at last. The other patients were also very friendly people. When chatting together, the laughter in the ward was very lively. The fun here is vivid and easy to obtain, and it is easy to heal people's hearts.

The anxiety and panic that Tao Xi felt when she was first admitted to the hospital gradually subsided a lot.

It's just that when the excitement dissipated, or when the night was quiet, she would still feel a great sense of loneliness and miss Shang Huaiqing even more.

But now the conversation between the two is getting colder and colder, but it is also mercilessly diluting those misses.

On the first night of the operation, Taoxi couldn't sleep at all. She hid under the blanket, put on her earphones, and clicked on a video that Shang Huaiqing sent her in the evening.

"Share me obediently, the sunset I saw today."

Hearing the familiar voice at the beginning, Tao Xi's eyes were wet all of a sudden, the bed was surrounded by curtains, others couldn't see her, but it was already here In the middle of the night, in order not to disturb other patients who were already asleep, she still did not dare to cry.

Just like that, I suppressed the sad emotions in my heart.

The video on the phone is still playing.

After sharing the sunset, Shang Huaiqing in the video turned the camera to himself. He looked very tired, and the folds of his double eyelids were deeply sunken. Against the backdrop of the setting sun, he looked lonely and melancholy.

He lowered his eyes, paused for a while, and then slowly raised his eyes: "Are you busy recently, do you have nothing to share with me except good night?"

Tao Xi looked at him in the video, and listened to his words , the emotions that had been suppressed just now suddenly surged out from her eyes.

She touched the side button of the phone with trembling fingers, blacked out the screen in a panic, didn't watch any more, and couldn't bear to watch Shang Huaiqing look haggard in the video again.

Not even bothering to say good night to him, Taoxi pressed the phone under the pillow, pulled off the earphones, and pressed the corners of her eyes with her fingers. She will have surgery tomorrow. She doesn't want to cry and swell her eyes, but she can bear it. Tears were still pouring out.

Hearing his voice, seeing his familiar face, those longings that had been diluted suddenly swept over like a tsunami, drowning her whole body.

For a moment, Taoxi even wanted to call Shang Huaiqing impulsively, to tell him how much she needed him now.

But when he got here, even if he told Shang Huaiqing that she was going to have an operation tomorrow, it was already too late. If he couldn't come back to accompany her, it would only make him blame himself for no reason, and make both of them uncomfortable in the end.

Some words are not spoken at the right time, so there is no need to say them again.

After all, there was no turning back for her.

She barely slept that night.

The next day, Taoxi had the operation in the afternoon and was under general anesthesia. After the operation, she was pushed to the ward. Although she was conscious, her body was still numb.

I can't feel the pain of the wound yet.

She was lying there with her eyes closed, and suddenly she heard the sound of a nurse calling her name and telling her not to sleep, and she slowly opened her eyes again.

The bed was surrounded by blue curtains, and she was almost lying in a sealed space, surrounded by intermittent conversations from other patients. She lay there quietly, but she could not feel the existence of her body.

Tao Xi looked at the yellow halo projected by the lights on the ceiling, her consciousness gradually became a little loose, and some things that happened in the past were replayed in her mind one after another like a revolving lantern, giving her the illusion of being in a different world.

Just when she was about to be unable to hold on and wanted to fall asleep, Xin Man's voice sounded in her ears: "Taoxi?"

Taoxi slowly opened her eyes again: "Huh?"

"During your operation just now, there was A man called you, said it was your boyfriend, and asked why you haven't contacted him for the past two days?" After Xin Man relayed the content of Shang Huaiqing's phone call just now, she continued to ask, "So you have to do the surgery? Didn't you tell your boyfriend?"

Tao Xi blinked slightly: "Not yet, he won't be back in time."

She said this casually, and she didn't want to say too much, and it wasn't something that could be explained clearly in a few words.

Fortunately, Xin Man didn't ask any more questions, and just put her mobile phone on the bedside table: "I put the mobile phone here for you, after the anesthesia is over, remember to tell your boyfriend, don't make him worry too much about you."

"Well, good." Tao Xi responded lightly.

After Xin Man left, Tao Xi was the only one left behind the blue bed curtain.

When she was lying there unable to move, she felt that time passed very slowly, like a crawling snail. Occasionally Xin Man would talk to her, but she spent most of the time alone.

It was not until late at night that the anesthetic on Taoxi's body finally passed. As soon as she regained consciousness, she felt the tearing sensation of the abdominal wound, but fortunately, it was within the range of tolerance. She was also very sleepy in the middle of the night. I fell asleep in a daze with the pain of the wound.

When I woke up again, it was already the morning of the next day. Although the wound was a little painful, it was much better than last night.

Soon she can get out of bed and do simple activities.

It was not until the evening that Taoxi finally had time to reply to the message Shang Huaiqing sent her.

That was a message he sent at noon.

——Are you still busy? If you are not busy, let's make a video.

Tao Xi was holding the phone, although she was staring at the screen, she was a little distracted. There was a stabbing pain from the wound on her abdomen, she frowned slightly, remembering that when the doctor checked her wound in the morning, she also accidentally glanced at it. , In the past, there was a scar on her flat and smooth lower abdomen, which was dark black with some blood stains, lying there like a many-legged and pitch-black centipede, ugly and frightening.

Thinking of this, Taoxi became inexplicably irritable. At this moment, she didn't want to video chat with Shang Huai, and she wasn't even in the mood to chat with him. In the end, she just simply perfunctory him.

—Sorry, still busy.

Shang Huaiqing quickly returned to her.

—Okay, you go first.

The conversation between the two of them came to an abrupt end here. After reading his reply, Taoxi put the phone aside.

Did not send him any more messages.

Until he was discharged from the hospital, Taoxi never had any contact with Shang Huaiqing.

It seems that since she didn't say good night to him the night before the operation, she cut off contact with him naturally, or earlier, when she stopped sharing every detail with him, she slowly broke up with him at that time Symptoms of union.

In the end, she even hesitated to say good night to him in a clock-in style.

Some things once started, there is no possibility of going back.

If the opening remarks that break the silence can't be found for a long time, those extended blank periods will only make the other two drift away.

Shang Huaiqing over there seemed to have sensed something a long time ago, and gradually he stopped bothering Tao Xi.

Taoxi's cell phone returned to the state where it had been silent for a whole day, and passed the last few days of November quietly like this.

Entering December, Taoxi finally survived the stage when the wound could not get wet, and could take a bath.

Just standing under the familiar shower, when the warm water flooded her body, she was not as refreshed as she used to be when taking a bath, but felt a little melancholy for no reason. The scar on her lower abdomen had slowly healed. It was as ugly as it was when the operation was just completed, but it was a bit abrupt compared to the flatness before.

When Taoxi looked down and saw it, she felt a blockage in her heart. She was only twenty-five years old, but she had a scar on her stomach. It might get lighter with time, but it wouldn't disappear completely, and it might even fade away. Follow her for the rest of her life.

What's more, this scar lies here, as if reflecting the difficult parts of her past years all the time, no matter how far she escapes, no matter how long time passes, as long as she sees this scar on her lower abdomen, it will make her I think of the hardships and sufferings I have experienced in those years.

If life is compared to a long ladder, Taoxi climbed very hard in the first half of her life, but no matter how many times she fell down, even if she was bruised all over her body, she gritted her teeth and persisted, and continued to climb, always thinking that after the bitterness and sweetness come, she will be able to climb up. It was getting better and better, but she never thought that fate would push her down with a single palm.

All her previous efforts, persistence, injuries, and grievances were nothing in front of this relaxed palm, even like a joke.

But she gritted her teeth and tried her best.

She should be thankful that her illness was actually not serious, and her operation went smoothly, but these slight blessings were not enough to overcome the trauma in her heart.

The warm bath water had already soaked Taoxi's body, but she was still standing there with her eyes closed and drenched in water, feeling very blocked in her heart, but she couldn't cry. She opened her eyes and reached out to take a leather ring , casually rolled up the wet hair, and then took the bath ball, ready to spray bath liquid on the body.

I haven't bathed for more than half a month, and the mouth of the body wash bottle is a little clogged. Taoxi pressed it two or three times in a row, but the bath liquid didn't come out. When she came out, she suddenly got angry, and threw the bottle of bath liquid to the corner of the wall with her hands, and then threw away the bath ball in her hand. She propped her hands on the edge of the pool, her heart was still blocked and uncomfortable, but she cried no matter what not come out.

There seems to be a balloon that is about to blow up in the chest, and it is the most tormenting when it is about to burst.

After a long delay, Taoxi silently picked up the lost bath liquid and bath balls, and continued to take a bath.

When I came out of the bathroom, there was snow outside the french windows. This was the second snow this winter. It was thicker than the first snow, and it lasted longer.

It took two days for the snow to stop, and there was a thick layer of snow outside, but it was sunny in winter and there was plenty of sunshine.

Taoxi is sitting in front of the French window, the cats not far from her are taking a nap, the room is very quiet, she looks at the sun shining snow outside the window, a little lost in thought, suddenly there is a knock on the door outside, she regains consciousness, He turned his head to look at the door.

She had already vaguely guessed in her heart who it was.

Apart from Shang Huaiqing, Taoxi has no friends who can come to her house.

But even if she guessed it was him, Tao Xi's mood was particularly calm now, without any ups and downs, compared to the joy of seeing him impatiently.

Getting up from the floor-to-ceiling windows, she walked slowly to the door, and opened the door for Shang Huaiqing without saying hello.

There was no contact for more than half a month. When the two stood facing each other, they were so unfamiliar that they didn't even know how to say the simplest greeting.

After being relatively silent for a while, Shang Huai stared at Tao Xi, he squirmed his lips slightly, and said, "Let's have a chat." "Yeah."

After answering, Tao Xi turned around silently.

Shang Huai glanced at her silent back, and felt a pang in his heart, but he didn't say anything more, just followed her and walked into the room together.