a guide on how to NOT be a good brother- by Atsumu Miya

⋆｡˚ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 2❀

We were in high school now, the bullying only got more graphic as time went on. I could hear Osamu, shouting in-between tears. But.. This time..

This time it was different. It wasn't my help he wanted.

"SUNA!"

He wasn't calling for me. And he hadn't been for the past few months.

His lips quivered as he shouted. His body shaking. His hands glued to his face, desperately trying to keep it shielded from all the punches the group threw at him. Until he rushed over and fought for him. Like how I would. How I used to. He- being Suna.

I guess you could call it jealousy, but at that moment, I refused to believe I was jealous of someone who had thrown me away for someone else, even after I got hurt trying to protect them.

He removed Osamu's hands from his face, then picked him up, cradling him in his arms like a newborn baby. Osamu's eyes were still as innocent as always- I hated that. I hated him. He had never changed, not in the slightest. He was gripping onto Suna like there was nobody else in the world that could ever protect him from any sort of pain. Including me.

"Atsumu?" That one word made me snap out of my thoughts. It was Kiyoomi Sakusa, or as I say: "Yes, Omi?"

I quickly turned to face the tall guy standing in front of me - my best friend. My everything. I've had feelings for Omi for a while now, but I don't think he's the type to reciprocate them, or even feel pity for anyone. However, that's not the reason I haven't confessed my feelings to him. I fear that just a few simple words could ruin everything between us, and I would hate to lose him. The thought of losing him terrifies me and would make my life a living hell.

"Is everything okay?" Or maybe I was wrong. Perhaps he does have some pity in him after all. "Yes, why?" I replied softly, trying to sound confident even though I had just told the biggest lie I'd ever told. Omi shifted his gaze in the direction I had been looking just moments before. "Ah... I understand," he said, staring at Osamu who was sobbing uncontrollably into Suna's shoulder. "You're feeling guilty."

"Huh?" I acted confused as he shifted his focus back to me. "That you're not the one to help him," he spoke calmly, seemingly indifferent to anything other than himself and his cleanliness. "That's not true!" I retorted, dumbfounded. 

"So you don't want to help him?" He raises an eyebrow, appearing almost worried, but I know that's not how he was feeling. "No," I reply. Not anymore. We sit in silence for what feels like an eternity, but in reality, it is only a few seconds before Omi breaks it by speaking again.

"You don't love him enough to want to help him?"

I almost felt like throwing up at that comment. Help him? He doesn't need my help. How has he got the audacity to say that?

"Of course I love Osamu, he's my brother..." I was wrong... That was the biggest lie I've ever told. I hated him. I wish he was never my brother.

I let out a subdued sigh and avoided making eye contact with Omi as I spoke, "..But.." I stuttered, before continuing: "He has Suna now." Omi responded almost instantly, "Atsumu, he will need your help at some point." That was the final thing he replied with before he walked off to go to his next class, not giving me a chance to reply. I mutter to myself:

"But, when that happens, I won't help him."

Have you ever said something in the past that you regretted later on? It's a common situation that many people find themselves in. For me, this was my situation. Most people would say that conversations like this are examples of criticism, something we use to move forward in life, but not this time.

I fucked up this time.

All though it was just in my head. Even though I had never said that to Osamu, Omi, or anyone, looking back at it now, it was like they had all read my mind. I'm well aware it sounds stupid, but I swear it's the truth.