The echo of laughter surrounded the whole place while you watched 11 men with amusement. Sadly, 2 of them were busy with their schedule in China, so they couldn't make it to film the content.
with a water gun in your hands, sitting opposite to wonwoo you watched the scenes unfold. The dagger game.
You were not sure of your expectations from the group but you surely didn't imagine Joshua being a crazy one. The moves he performed on love shot by exo, had your jaw dropped and your stomach crunching in pain with the amount of humour he was supplying. Indeed Joshua's sense of humour was top tier.
"I'm just gonna throw it away" saying that Dino threw the invisible dagger towards jeonghan and walked back towards his seat.
Jeonghan dramatically got up, standing with hand clutching his chest and ... he did the exact same things as Joshua. Chaos. Pure chaos.
"Does he know how to make jokes? That's a first" the director behind the camera chuckled alongside his playful comment, the rest of the team agreed. You yourself weren't aware of this side of jeonghan.
If not for his face and voice, you could have never recognised seungcheol. He's blunt and straightforward now, the seungcheol you remember was always careful with his words around you, cautious not to hurt you or anyone even unintentionally. Jeonghan on the other hand, hadn't changed, neither his personality nor him.
But ...
Both jeonghan and seungcheol look better, a lot happier than you remembered. with them, their group, their family.
You're not blind, you clearly can see the spot you left years ago was filled with people who deserve it more than you. It doesn't bubble up jealousy or sadness in you, instead it makes you gratified. They both deserve to be surrounded by people who love them, adore them, make them feel heard, happy and most importantly loved, satisfied.
A pang of guilt hit your senses, you left without giving anyone a closure they deserved. Especially seungcheol. You owe him an apology for leaving abruptly, later cutting him out from your life. He never did you wrong, always stood by your side since childhood, he gave you all of his love and in return he received nothing. Not even a goodbye.
You were the warmest person they knew until the breakup happened in the most heartbreaking way, turning you cold.
It was not wholly jeonghan's fault, you're very self aware about your wrongdoings too but pinning the whole blame on the other party while you're hurting felt right. The ending was for good.
Perhaps it's easier to smile and pretend everything is fine, rather than admit your heart's a little swollen from losing something which was once yours.
A melancholy smile displayed on your features with the overwhelming emotion unknowingly, you can feel your eyes getting wet. It was time, your queue to leave. The tears were threatening to fall, struggling to pull yourself together. Passing the water gun to the person behind, you excused yourself.
———————————————————
Clear sky, with a rare view of the crescent moon was such a mesmerising sight with the song playing in the background in a low volume to witness. The lukewarm air hitting your cold frame was soothing the burns of the past which severely wounded you a few moments ago.
You must think you're going crazy for regretting something you choose for yourself. You have to stop searching for answers within you, for some point you need to let it go. You can't undo anything.
It's either you're in denial with your past or worrying about your future, it's no wonder you don't feel alive anymore. You're not living in the only moments that's real. You're just trying to survive.
you bought your knees closer to your chest, wrapping your arms around them, resting your chin on your knees, closing your eyes, letting the erupting sensation retire.
Violet, blue, green, red to keep me out
I win
There's things I wanna say to you
But I'll just let you live
Like if you hold me without hurting me
You'll be the first who ever did
Crunching of the leaves by the footsteps coming closer was heard audibly, the person put a stop to his stroll and settled down beside you with an airy sign. You needn't have to catch a glimpse, by the cologne hitting your nostrils. It's seungcheol.
"I was sure you'd be here." He started with a cherry tone laced in his voice with confidence.
"When we came, Jeonghan and I both knew you would come here." He tittered teasingly. Your eyes scanning his face, the sentiments that almost faded away came back, you need to let it out. The walls of the glass you've been bottling up yourself in were now cracked and fragile. Your outburst was a must for you to get over with the guilt engraved deep inside your heart.
Milk and honey dripped from your lips when you called out his name ever so softly.
"I left. without a goodbye. You never deserved that." You scanned his face for a look of startle, there was none. He saw this coming, he might've noticed and realised your clogged up vehemence. You rested your palms on your lap, stretching your legs a bit and pressed your lips together when he didn't respond.
" I should've handled my heartbreak a bit more maturely instead of running away like a kid. I'm so sorry, seungcheol." You've added a sob. You were in tears and soon they streamed down your face, you hang your head low in agony. You gently pat your chest to ease up the pent-up emotions.
Seungcheol pulled you in his arms, it felt no different from the way he used to hug you back then. Warm, cosy, comfortable and peaceful. You bring your hand to clutch onto his sides, you push your head further on his embrace.
"I thought the future world of my dreams can't be built on the corruption of my past but somewhere I forgot the memories which I treasure so dearly." You sniffled, mumbling out threads of apologies in his way.
"You chose yourself and I'll be damned if I hold you accountable for that." He rubbed your back gently, his other hand on your scalp, ruffling your hair. A way he remembers to calm you down. It's working, your cries are getting lighter.
It'll take time, won't it? You both have to work on your friendship, you left once midway.
"Yes, I felt dejected when you left but later on Jeonghan made me understand. You didn't want to associate with anyone related to him and I was the prime knot." He breathed out loudly, recalling the painful times, wiping the corner of his eyes with the pad of his thumb. Pushing yourself back, you almost groaned at the name mentioned.
You were silent. Deep down you admit you felt relieved after hearing his response. A burden was lifted off your chest. It didn't last long as it was overshadowed when you recall your past with jeonghan.
Sometimes you wish you could take back your secrets, you hate the fact that jeonghan knows you in a way no one does.
You were still somewhere in between, it's better to let go of your past grudges, hatred - no, you never hated or had grudges against jeonghan. It was just your past. The love you had for him, the beautiful bond which came crashing down.
Your fault - you knew exactly how it was going to end, yet it still hurts. Because a part of you, even if it's small, wanted to believe that maybe things might go back like how they used to be. You knew Jeonghan fell out of love but you adored him anyway without any confrontation.
You shortly forgot everything with the next sentence seungcheol said. The night was still young, two best friends sitting together to catch up with each other's life, surely there won't be anyone shedding tears anymore.
"You cannot change a beginning that began in the past. You can end it and start a new beginning, that begins now."
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Always yours | Yoon Jeonghan
Fanfiction" i can never even imagine to hurt you. " he moved closer to hold your hands but you stepped back, displaying your palm to stop him " ironically, you said something similar years ago but look where we are. " saying that you walked back without spar...
