Daylight ~ Newt TMR

4

There's darkness in the distance

From the way that I've been livin'

But I know I can't resist it

The bus slowly lurches to a stop, I stand up from my seat and thank the driver as make my way off of the bus, picking my headphones off my neck I place them over my ears, unlocking my phone and opening Spotify, I press play on my playlist for the most perfect songs to ever exist, Television by Gene pool starts as the bus drives past me. I turn a corner and start walking up my street until my path becomes blocked, a big dark grey cat with white paws and bright red collar struts towards me rubbing up against my legs, I crouch down and start stroking the giant animal as it starts rolling on its back exposing its white belly. "Hello little guy, whats your name?" My hand extends in an attempt to read its collar it but its paw shoots up and scratches my hand. "Ok be that way then" I say standing back up and continuing to walk back home, leaving the cat lying on its back innocence plastered all over its face.

I lift the key to my door and turn until I feel it click, pushing the heavy door open and stepping inside, shutting it behind me. I drop my keys in the key tray on the side and slip off my shoes, putting my bag next to them before walking to the kitchen, grabbing a glass and pouring myself some water. Turning on the kettle, I turn around and rummage through the cupboards, shifting through multi packs of crisps and tined soup until I eventually find a chicken pot noodle and take it out. I peel back the top and pour the now boiling hot water into the cup and push it to the side. "Hey Siri, set a timer for three minutes," I grab my water and a take a seat at the table, scrolling through Instagram to pass the time before my alarm goes off, after what feels like a couple of seconds my phone is ringing loudly in my hand, I get up, reach into a drawer to grab a fork, pick up my pot noodle and make my way up to my bedroom. Setting the pot down on my bedside table, I walk over to my wardrobe taking out denim shorts, a white halter top, grey fluffy socks and changing out of my school uniform and into them.

I slump down on my bed, opening up my laptop and clicking on Netflix. After about a minute of scrolling through endless films I finally decide on Howl's moving castle, I press play and sit back shoving a forkful of noodles into my mouth. The screen changes from black as the movie starts playing showing the castle walking through a field, I reach for my phone and open up snapchat, sending my streaks to everyone and listening to minutes of Teresa's voice notes about how amazing it was spending time with Thomas today, I laugh as I swipe off the chat and start looking through my old snap memories. 'One year ago, today' I tap on it, it's a photo of me in a hospital bathroom looking like I'd just been dragged through a hedge backwards and then run over by a couple cars, there was an iv drip on one of my arms, the other was overcrowded with cuts. I just stared at the photo, all the memories of that week finding ways to seep back into my brain.

I shut my phone off, I don't want to think about that, it's been a year, I've been better for a year I don't want to change that. I reach for my bedside table and open the drawer pulling out an old purse containing the blades that I've been ignoring for the past twelve months. I hover over the zip, contemplating what I'm about to do, I chuck the purse back into the draw and reach for the plastic water bottle filled with vodka instead, I untwist the cap and take a big sip, trying to drown my temptations as the liquid burns its way down my throat, I take another sip and another until I start feeling sick. Holding the bottle up to the light I can see a small amount of vodka left, I take a deep breath and quickly chug it and make my way down stairs to get more, tumbling down the stairs as I do. I get up and stumble to the alcohol cabinet, unlocking it and pulling out a brand new bottle of vodka. I close the cabinet and make my way to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of sprite and making my way back up to my room.

My head is still spinning as I jump back on my bed, setting the newly acquired drinks down in front of me, I twist open the vodka with a click and take a swig, grimacing at the taste, quickly I open the sprite and chase the vodka I just drank masking the burning sensation in my throat with its sweetness. I turn my attention back to the movie in front of me but the screen has turned black, I touch my finger to the mouse pad and the screen flicks back to life showing the blurry lock screen of Lola, my childhood cat, with the time on the bottom left corner, I squint my eyes trying to get the numbers to focus, 19:24. "How the fuck is it already seven?" I ask myself taking another sip of the vodka followed by sprite.

I fall back on my bed and stare up at my blank ceiling as it fades in and out of focus, my hand rises up to my face, covering my eyes. I let the weightless sensation take over my body, it feels like falling, I close my eyes and imagine that I'm falling down an endless dark hole. I feel like wind is rushing past me and I sink further into my bedsheets letting them consume me entirely.