Daylight ~ Newt TMR

11

There's darkness in the distance
I'm beggin' for forgiveness
But I know I might resist it, oh

The light turns from red to green signalling for me to cross, I half trip over the pavement as I reach the other side of the road and start to walk up the hill to my house. His words keep echoing in my head 'desperate whore' he's the one who started all of this, if he just didn't kiss me at Gallys none of this would've ever happened. If he just carried on being a dick then I wouldn't be crying in the street right now, I wouldn't have had to leave Minhos party so early. Why does he have to be like this, so annoying, so irritating, so clingy, so protective, so, attractive? I didn't just think that, did I?

I fumble for my key in my bag and try to put it in the lock, after a couple attempts, I manage to unlock my door and enter my house, chucking the key to the side and locking the door behind me. I run up to my room and tear off my dress, throwing it in the general direction of my washing basket before picking up my joggers and top and putting them on, I reach for the cream coloured hoodie on my bed and pull it on. 'Desperate whore' how could he say that? He's the one begged me to meet him at the Glade, he's the one who came to my window, he's the one who found me on the balcony. He's the one who kissed me.

My room starts to heat up, I run to the window and open it, dangling my head outside trying to cool down. Tears fall down my face, he said that because he hates me, didn't he. He actually hates me, why did I have to go and kiss Gally, was I trying to make him jealous or something, did I want him to feel something for me? I'm a fucking idiot, he's probably enjoying his time at Minhos party without me and here I am crying over him like I actually mean anything to him. He was right nothing will ever fix me or the problems I cause by existing, I should just do everyone a favour and end it.

I pull myself out of the window and crawl over to my bed, sitting on the edge of it. I open my drawer and pull out the old purse that has been neglected for the past year, I unzip it and peer inside. Two blades lay inside glistening in the light, I pick one up and place the purse on top of the bedside table, holding the blade in my writing hand I place it against the skin on my other wrist. My body is filled with a stinging sensation as I glide the blade across my wrist, I look down to my arm as a couple specks of blood appear from the cut. Not deep enough. I press the blade against my wrist again and repeat my actions, gliding the blade across my arm with more pressure. I look down as more blood appears on my arm, but still not enough. I close my eyes and repeat over and over again until I can barely feel my arm anymore.

Tears are still spilling from my eyes as look down to the mess I've created, blood is dripping down to my joggers staining them but none of it is enough, I angle the blade vertically and press it against my wrist, trying to gather some courage. "Y/n?" I look up to see Newt stumbling through my window, "Y/n I need to talk to you" he says tripping over his words the blade slips out of my hand and falls to the floor as he notices what I've done. He rushes from the window to me, kneeling at my feet gently holding my arm "Y/n, are you ok?" he looks up at me, the tears in my eyes blur my vision. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me onto his lap holding me tightly. "It'll be fine now, ok? I'm gonna help" he whispers stroking my hair and hugging my tightly.

He lets go of me and gently takes hold of my arm, trying to avoid touching any of the cuts in my skin. His eyes fill with tears as he examines the damage, I caused to myself, "Is this only one?" he whispers as he picks up the blade from the floor, I shake my head a gesture to the purse on my bedside table, he picks it up and place the blade back inside before putting it in his pocket. "Where's your first aid kit?" he asks me, choking back tears "What?" I say wiping the tears that are starting to slowly roll down his cheek away "Where's your first aid kit?" he repeats standing up "Why?" I ask as he slowly helps me to my feet, "So, I can help you bandage these" he replies still delicately holding my arm.

I lead him to my bathroom and open the cabinet before leaning against the sink "I'm gonna throw these away" he says pulling the purse out of his pocket, "Don't I'll be fine" I say trying to convince him to let me keep them "No y/n, I know what it's like, if you keep them, you'll be tempted and I don't want you to hurt yourself" he unzips them purse them flushes the blades down the toilet. "Pretty sure doing that is bad for the environment" I sigh as he reaches up for the first aid kit, "Too late now" he laughs taking down the green bag and placing it on the sink "Sit up on the side" he says opening the bag on the other side of the sink. I try to pull myself my onto the edge of the sink but my arm is in too much pain, "I can't, my arm" I say to him "It's fine I can just stand" but he's already holding my waist and lifting me on top of the cold sink. "Pass me your arm" I stretch out my arm as he opens an antiseptic wipe and unfolds it, "This might sting a bit, ok?" he looks at me as I nod.

He gently rubs the wipe over my cuts, causing them to sting for a bit "Newt? Can I ask you something?" he throws the wipe into the bin and pulls out a bandage from the first aid kit "Yes, of course" he says tearing open the plastic around the bandage, "How did you know" he unwraps the bandage "How did I know what?" "What you said when you were last here, how did you know" he begins wraps the bandage around my wrist as well as he can in his current state. "Oh that... last year, I saw you in hospital" he goes silent for a second finishing wrapping the bandage on my arm "I was there for a check-up, I saw you with that drip thing in your arm and um, your other arm was..." he looks back up to me "I didn't want to tell you because I thought I'd never have to, or care enough to." He pauses for a second "But I care now, why were you there y/n?" his voice is soft. The tears are returning to my eyes as I remember the worst week of my life "My cat, Lola, I had her since I was five, we had to put her down last year after she'd been hit by a car, so I was already not doing well" I take a deep breath, trying to compose myself "And then after it happened, when you were friends Janson and his mates, they couldn't stop making jokes about it and you stood there and did nothing. That's why I don't like you Newt, why I didn't like you" my cheeks are covered in tears once again, his arms gently grab me pulling me closer to his chest as I wrap mine around him, resting my head on his shoulder and sob.

"I'm really sorry y/n, I knew what they were doing was wrong. I just, I think I just wanted them to like me so I didn't say anything, if I knew what it would've caused you to do, I would've stopped them, I promise you I would've" his voice wavers as I lift my head up to look at him "You couldn't have known, I just wish you did something when it was happening" I say "Anyway that's in the past and we can't change it, but we can influence what happens in the future" I continue, smiling weakly at him "What do you mean?" he says tilting his head as a confused looks plasters his face.

I hop off of the sink and we stumble back into my room, clumsily sitting on my bed, "What are you doing here anyway?" I ask leaning back on my pillows, trying to lighten the conversation "I'm drunk y/n why'd you think I'm here" he laughs leaning on the pillows behind him. "Bold after what you said at the party, what if wanted nothing to do with you" I take my phone out of my bag and put it on charge "That would definitely suck, but then again, you are wearing my hoodie so I don't think I have to worry about that" he smirks as I look down at his cream hoodie that is covering me. "Fuck" I laugh, "So you still drunk then?" he looks at me "Kinda why?" he responds, I sit up and shuffle over to him "Cus so am I" our eyes meet "And?" he props himself up on his arms "Well you came here for a reason, might as well get it" I reach down and stroke his cheek.

"Y/n I can't" he says covering my hand with his "Why not?" I ask leaning onto him, "Because of everything that just happened also you're a lot drunker than I am and I don't want to take advantage of either of those things" I swing my leg over his waist so I'm straddling him "But I want to kiss you so you won't be taking advantage of me" I say looking down at him and playing with his hair. He suddenly sits up, looking at me sternly "Y/n you need to stop" he says holding my hands in front of me "Why should I?" I free my hands and hold his face in them, "Because I'm using everything in my power to try and not kiss you right now" he says slurring his words as he reaches up and holds onto my uninjured wrist.

We sit like that for what feels like hours, neither of us daring in move. "Fine have it your way" I say kissing him gently on the cheek before getting off him and walking over to my window closing it and drawing the curtains "But I'm going to sleep" I slide back into my bed and settle down next to him. "You can't just do that" he complains, "Well I just did" I say closing my eyes as he sighs in defeat. I feel his hand start to stroke my hair, moving pieces away from my face and tucking them behind my ear "Goodnight y/n" he whispers as he wraps his arm around my waist pulling me into him and placing a kiss on my forehead "Sweet dreams love"