DAZED (wlw)

Chapter 1: New Year

Looking out from the windows, as far as my eyes could see, I reminisce how ridiculous those dreams I made and promised myself years ago. It was out of question, stupid, an unwisely choice of words, spouted out from madness. Had I known such unexpected circumstances, then, maybe I shouldn't have predicted highly of what I could achieve and become as a person. Never did I expect to see myself overwhelmed by the world and even the mere thought and existence of someone like myself.

Growing up, I was brought up fairly well, like any other kids I know. We were poor but ate three meals per day, school was afforded and needs and wants were provided to an extent that it was enough to live by. Given the fact that my mother was the breadwinner of the family and was able to provide all that, was the most heroic thing I could ever think of. On the other hand, my father was a useless one, of whom I could only remember on forms and documents, he was someone, I could call as a severely immature man. Maybe, it was from him that I got my pessimism and mental health problems.

By the time I turned nineteen, I shifted my course to Liberal Arts contradicting the idea of graduating as early as possible, on the time I turn twenty-one perhaps, which might actually turn to four years more or so.

On the first day of January, my first kiss was taken at the age of sixteen. I thought that I had it under control, saving the romances after marriage and to a perfect man. Yet, I never even imagined that it would be a woman who steals that away. I never even acknowledge the fact that I was gay or even have considered myself as bisexual, nor have I thought and foreseen myself with a woman. Still, on the first day of that year, it was apparent that all my beliefs in romances are about to change.

It was New Year's eve, so celebration is a go on every household and establishments you could think of during these occasions, well, for me, we were celebrating at my workplace with some family members and strangers that are free to come in and dine, free of charge throughout the night. It was a small town with barely five- thousand residents, where everybody knows everybody, but it was also a town where favorite spots are visited by thousand of tourists every year. One of which it's leading income is tourism.

That night was a night of joy, there were a lot of booze and some singing, knowing and conversing with strangers. It was a place where a standard isn't placed, it's about knowing somebody, either local or visitor. But I wasn't the type to socialize, only conversing with people I know from time to time, if I wasn't by the rear end table drinking, waiting for the count down and fireworks. It was what I was looking forward to see that night, fireworks, which only comes into town during New Years.

"Hey! Is the seat taken?", a tall brunette woman, who doesn't seem to be from the town asked, smiling sweetly from ear to ear.

"No, go ahead", I replied, giving a brief smile and looking at her eyes, mesmerized by how it seemed that the color would change when the disco lights changes. It was beautiful and magnificent,

'a work of art.Quite familiar', I thought to myself.

"A what?", she stated, looking at me confused, yet for that moment when our eyes met, I thought that the world were still and silent which felt like hours upon hours, but it was barely a minute when she looked away onto the crowd.

'What was that?'

"Oh~, ah--I thought that your eyes is a work of art", I restated embarrassed sipping my drink on the process, avoiding to look at her after saying a compliment she must have heard a couple million times.

"Wow! That's a first. They always say that my eyes is strangely beautiful but not a work of art. I like that"

I could feel her staring quite differently at me, like in a different way of how my friends or co-workers would stare. It's just the feeling was different to the point that I felt comfortable and somehow safe around a stranger, a first on my entire existence.

"Yeah, well. They do say that I compliment quite differently like a normal person would"

She giggled at my reply.

"You really do. By the way, I'm Alexis, we weren't quite acquainted", she smiled and offered her hand, they're slender and long with a ring on her pinky, another on her middle finger and her nails were cut clean and short with no nail paint.

"Samantha or just Sam"

She looked at me, perplexed, like something was bothering her mind, like there was something important she ought to tell or find out.

"You really don't remember me, do you?", she finally spoke looking at me, dreading for a reply like she had always had the intention of doing so or even to meet and approach me that night.

"What?, Uh-, sorry, I barely know you so how can I remember if we did bump a while ago or yesterday, sorry", I replied confused and starting to feel a bit terrified of how I was intentionally approached by someone I barely know and haven't associated with.

After a minute of her staring at me, she just laughed, intrigued by how I was reacting, quite obvious from what I try to hide. My beating heart started to pump faster every second of her laughter and the sense of that 'safety' I've come to know when she approached me earlier started vanishing.

"Goodness! Are you thinking that I might be some serial killer?"

She laughed once more before gaining her composure, once again, finding her gaze resting on me.

"Can't you recall, you're kinda cute baby girl~, that's the first words I told you last year", she continued, downing the wine left off her glass.

'last year?'

'baby girl?... is she?'

"You're the Surgeon?! The one who always ordered iced coffee twice a day?", I responded unsure of the memory that flashed on my mind, but somehow I felt a sense of joy within that recollection.

"Finally!", she exclaimed delightfully.

Over the course of the evening and the passing hours to midnight, we conversed, talking about the simplest things in life, joking and teasing each other like I've known her my entire life. It was the best gift I could have ever asked that New Year's eve, a friend who is the very opposite of me but takes wonder, interest and was comfortable of my presence and what I was going to tell.

Never had I thought of seeing that woman from last year, she and her colleagues had visited a year before as a form of what she had called 'breaking away from hospital life', my co-workers loved her since she was a great tipper back then. Though, she only tipped me on the moment of their departure and also asked for a picture with me. But I thought nothing of it since, some people did ask for it every now and then as they always said that they find me cute.

It was thirty minutes past eleven when she grabbed me off my seat, up to the patio of her room, overlooking the entire town. It was indeed a beautiful night with the stars and moon appearing above the clear sky and the cold breeze of the night filled with the warmth and joy I felt.

"You know, I actually wanted to add you on socials since I didn't even ask for your number but I can't seem to find you", she chuckled, opening another can of beer as I refused her invite in return, feeling the shots of gin earlier was kicking in.

"I use a different name, plus, I'm not that active on social media anyway. I'm the type who prefers to write"

"Yeah, I can see that"

Silence took over for a few minutes after, we found ourselves staring at each other, searching for meaning, deep within each other's eyes. My thoughts were empty, all I could hear was her breathing and her beating heart or how warm it felt as we sat closely on the couch.

My eyes closed unconsciously as she leaned closer and closer till our lips collided; gentle, soft, warm and the taste of beer left on her lips. I could feel my stomach explode like the fireworks in every second of that kiss, I could feel my heart beating fast and my cheeks burning. I was feeling light even after we broke it off, gasping for air.

"That's the best way to start the year", she laughed and gave me another kiss on the forehead, refocusing her attention on the ongoing firework display.

'I sure hope so', I thought mesmerized.