skz bxb oneshots

19 💥💓- felix x skz

(1336 words)
Authors note:
So this story I kind of based it on the song 19 and the song 30/90. It will be kind of short cause I have no motivation to write 😔 next chapter'll be longer tho 🤞

Tw: panic attack
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Felix pov:
The sun poked through my courtains and straight into my eye, waking me up from a light sleep. I blink a couple times before sitting up and stretching out my tiredness. I sighed and looked at my phone but instantly cheered up because I saw the date. It was my 20th birthday! I'm officially 20! I get up excitedly but before I can get out of my room Jisung barges in and hugs me tightly.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!" He says and spins me around in the hug. "I remember when I turned 20, good times" he says jokingly because we just celebrated his birthday yesterday. I laugh along with him and we go out into the kitchen. I see a cake in the middle of the table and decorations are filling the walls with color. The theme they chose this year for me is flower apperently and I love it. The cake is decorated with cute daisies and the walls have all kinds of flower balloons.

I jump and clap at the excitement in my body. "Thank you guys this looks amazing!!" I tell everyone. "of course Felix, you are turning 20 after all." Chan says and pats my back, "yeah you're getting old noww hahahaha" Seungmin says which for some reason strikes a nerve in me. I stop laughing and think for a moment, the realization sets in and I'm actually turning 20.

I'm not a teen anymore, I'm an adult. My head is spinning with thoughts about being mature enough and being able to handle it. Not a couple seconds later and my brain has already convinced me that I'm not ready to be an adult. Everyone seems to have it sorted out, Chan for sure knows what he's doing. But I can barely choose what to wear in the morning how will I be able to make such life changing decisions without fucking up my career? How will I be able to make sense of whats right and wrong? What if I mess up? I can't just get out of it because I'm "still young".

I feel a hand shaking my shoulder and Hyunjin brings me back to present time. I try and shake off the thoughts by literally shaking my head. I put on a smile and we sit down to eat cake. Yes eat cake first thing in the morning, it's a tradition at our dorm. Everyone is so excited, I mean I understand I'm always pumped when it's someone's birthday. I'm pushed down at the chair in the center and someone puts a birthday hat on me. Things are going by way too fast and I can't tell who is who, my mind is still foggy with self doubt questions and before I know it the lights are off and someone lights the candles.

I try and focus on the candles to bring my focus back bit the fire just makes me feel worse. Everyone started singing and their voices blurred through my mind, everything was muffled and the voices in my head we're getting louder. I can't do this. I can't be 20. It's too fast. Everything is going by too fast. I want to go back. I want to go back to being 19, or 18, I don't care just anywhere but now. Everything is becoming so real too fast. My heart starts sinking and I feel like I'm drowning. My vision starts to blur but I don't feel like I'm going to pass out, I understand when I feel a tear running down my cheek. More tears start coming and j can't control them. How will I ever be 20 if I can't stop crying like a baby. The members voices either stop or my brain tunes them out. I can't hear anything other than the stupid voice in my brain telling me I'm not gonna make it. It gets hard to breath and I pull my hands up to my ears, I want it all to stop. I want the voices to stop, I want time to stop. What if I'm waisting my time being an idol? I'm 20 and I haven't experienced anything that normal teenagers have, I haven't had my first kiss, I haven't had my first date, I haven't done anything. I feel like I'm being shut out from the world because of the lack of oxygen in my body. I feel light headed and dizzy. Tears are still running and my nose is clogged up. I start panting because I can't breath it's terrible.

I suddenly feel the first thing I've felt in the last couple minutes of spiraling down a hole of self degradation. I feel a hand on my chest and I feel my own hand being pulled into someone else's chest. I feel their heartbeat. I feel my heartbeat much faster than theirs. I don't know what they are saying, the voice still muffled and my vision blurry. But I focus on the heartbeat. I try and slow down mine. "Deep breaths," I hear, I can't tell if it was the voice in my brain or the voice of this person. But I listen to it. I take a shaky deep breath, still crying. Then another one. And another one. Until I can feel my lungs fill up with that much needed air. I blink away the tears and try and make sense of what just happened. I look around and there are only a couple members in the room, the others must have left. The lights are on again and next to me is Chan, he's crouching down on the ground next to my chair. Holding his hand on my chest, and my hand on his. I open my arms and he hugs me immediately.

"I-i'm scared chan." I admit. He nods. "I know, I know, but it's okay you're back with us now. You're safe." He says and pats my head. I lean into his touch and he hugs me harder. After I pull away he looks at me in the eyes and holds my hands. "Do you want to talk about it? Maybe we can help." He says and I nod.

"I..." I sigh, wondering how to put into words what I'm feeling. I look down at my hands before starting again. "I don't want to be 20."

"I want to go back to being 19 because ... I don't know if I can make it." I say and look up at Chan with teary eyes again. "What do you mean you can't make it?" He asks, "what if I mess up chan?" My voice cracks and I look down at my lap again, "What if I'm not mature enough to be 20, what if I'm not ready?" before I can continue chan brings his hand up to my face. "oh Lixie, you don't have to be ready for anything. And even if you do mess up, it happens. We all mess up. And if you do, we'll be here for you. We won't ever leave your side." He reassured me and tightens his grip on my hands. "Promise?" I ask, more to myself than to him. "Promise." He says and pulls me in for another hug.

Slowly the rest of the members are back in the room and they all ask me if I'm okay. I just nod and ask if we can skip the happy birthday. They all agree and we just eat the cake watching Kiki's delivery service for the 5th time this year. Again it's a tradition. Halfway through the movie I'm cuddling Changbin and I realize that nothing I mess up can take them away from me. So as long as they don't leave, I'll be okay.