MUTE || Gallavich

Five: The Color Blue

𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘺: 𝘛𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦.
-

I'm sitting at the end of the table and everyone's looking at me. Words get stuck in my throat and I suddenly can't breathe. "It wasn't my fault" I imagine myself saying.

But nobody is listening.

"Are you going to eat that?" Carl asks, pointing to the piece of toast on my plate that I bit once.

I shake my head and he takes it. I use my pen and carve something onto the table. I get to "I WAS" before I'm stopped by the sudden remembrance of what Mickey told me yesterday. My eyes widen and I jump up.

When Fiona asks me where I'm going, I sloppily write: TO SAVE HIM

I run out of the door and make it as far as the gate when Mickey walks up. He came to me first. There are new bruises on his face. He says, "Hi."

I wave.

"I wasn't going to kiss you yesterday." he whispers.

I nod.

"I know that you know... you know, and I need to make sure you won't tell anyone."

I shake my head. I won't.

"And you can't try to stop me because I've made up my mind."

I won't not try

He laughs a little. "You won't not try? No, you need to NOT TRY. It's just—I need this.. I need this to go perfectly and.. I guess it doesn't matter, actually."

It does matter. What are you going to say?

His blue eyes lighten and for the first time I don't think he knows what to say. I thought that was just me—not knowing what to say or how to say it. He's just staring at me and I'm staring back.

I used to think that I hated the color blue but I think I just hated Mickey. I hated his eyes. I hated looking at them, and I hated them looking at me.

"I was going to kiss you, actually." He says after minutes pass.

I nod.

"Did you know? Did you know that I wanted to kiss you?"

I'm silent. Of course I am. I start to write something but he stops me. "Don't answer that." He says.

I walk closer to him and he backs away.

"Don't." He whispers, tears filling his eyes. "I gotta go."

I shake my head. Don't run away. Please.

"This is my fault, isn't it? You're not talking because of me. I ruined your life and I didn't even say sorry."

You did. And I forgave you.

He sniffs. He covers his face with his hands and groans. "Yeah, that's the thing. Why did you forgive me? I don't deserve to be forgiven."

I don't know how to reply to this. He's mad that I forgave him? I thought that's what he wanted. No—I thought that was what he needed. I need him to need it because I need it.. I need to forgive him and..

I write something down, my hands shaking as I do. It doesn't feel like enough. It doesn't seem like it will be enough.

STAY.

This word covers the entire page. I need him to stay. I watch as he reads it and laughs a little bit. I walk closer to him and he backs away again.

"Tell me why," he asks, "why should I stay?"

I look up at the sky for an answer. It's big, blue, and it's everywhere. I hate the color blue. I've always hated the color blue, so why do I care if the sky is green instead?

Because blue is the color of the sky.

Mickey stares at me with a confused expression. "What?"

I flip the page and write something else. I used to want to kiss you. But you left.

He nods. "Yeah. I left." he slowly backs away and I can't find the strength to move any closer. Even when he leaves again, I can't find the strength to follow him.

-

Ian: What if he stayed this time?