**This chapter is triggering, you've been warned**
**Audri’s POV**
I feel like shit. I thought it would be different here, but I guess not. I sighed as I opened my locker, ignoring the stares. People were whispering and I knew it was about me. I turned around, staring at the groups of people who had just been staring at me, and were now deliberately looking away from me. I ground my teeth, turning back to grab my books out of my locker and head to my first class.
It’s been two weeks since I started here, you think they’d be used to me now. I guess not. “I heard that she’s sleeping with Harry and Niall! Audri is such a slut!” I heard a female voice whisper. I turned to the voice and raised an eyebrow.
I looked at the ground as I walked. It’s happening again. Not exactly, but it’ll be there soon enough. I pushed my way through the halls, more and more people talking about how much of a ‘slut’ I am.
I bumped into someone and muttered an apology. Once I realized it was Niall I broke down. He ushered me out of the building, an arm wrapped around me. He led me down the street and soon enough we were at a park. I shivered against the cold air, since we didn’t stop to grab my coat. Niall noticed and slipped his hoodie off, handing it to me. “C’mon, let’s head home.” he said, wrapping an arm around me again and leading me out of the park and to our apartment building.
“I can’t… I don’t want to go back.” I said as we sat in Niall’s apartment. We were in his room, both on his bed. He had his arms around me, and I was snuggled up to his chest.
“I can’t do it. They’ll tear me apart.” I said, closing my eyes. I fought back the tears. “Don’t listen to them, you’re better than they are. They don’t know you.” He said, wiping the tears off my face. I took a deep breath before opening my eyes. Niall’s smiled down at me sadly.
“Okay.” I said, sitting up a bit on my own, detangling myself from Niall. “I can do this. I don’t need them, I don’t care what they think.” I said, mostly to myself. “What if…?” I started to ask but didn’t know how to.
“What if it goes the same way as last time?” I whispered, closing my eyes. “God, never mind.. it’s stupid.” I added, pulling the blanket up over my legs. “Last time?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowed.
“What happened last time?” He asked me, getting under the blanket with me. I avoided looking at him, turning to the pictures on his walls. “Wow, who are they?” I asked, pointing at the wall. “Don’t try to change the subject, Audri.” He said sternly.
Since we’ve gotten so close, he knows me too well for me to get out of anything. I sighed, looking over at him. “I… well, the reason I’m here is because of… well, I was bullied a lot back in America… and I’m kind of.. anorexic.” I said, moving my eyes from his and looking down at my lap in embarrassment.
“Kind of?” Niall asked, taking my hand in his and rubbing his thumb on the back of it. “Well.. I’m starting to eat more. I used to go days without eating.. I’m getting better but I’m afraid if they start to get worse that I’ll go back and…” I trailed off, wiping my face with my shirt.
I felt Niall wrap his arms around me, and his face nuzzled into my neck. “I won’t let that happen.” He told me boldly. I giggled, pushing his head away from my neck so he couldn’t tickle me more. “I’m still afraid. Niall.. I was so fucked up. I am so fucked up.” I told him.
“No, you’re not, you’re-“
“I am. You don’t know what goes on in my head… Niall, I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to starve myself to death. Or, or hang myself. I just.. I wanted to end it.” I said, tears falling down my cheeks. “If that’s not fucked up then I don’t know what is.” I said, the tears falling faster out of my eyes. Once again, I was collected in Niall’s arms, crying into his shoulder.
“It’s okay, you’re still here. And I’m with you. I won’t let you, okay? Whatever it is that’s wrong can be fixed. You’ll be okay, you are okay, okay?” He whispered into my ear as he rubbed my back in circles.
“Promise?” I asked, looking up at Niall through my tears. He wiped them away, kissing my forehead.
“Pinky promise.” he whispered, holding his pinky out. I linked mine with his, a small smile on my face and we shook on it.
So what if I didn’t tell him everything? So what if I didn’t tell him that I still have some suicidal thoughts? That some days I still go without eating in order to get skinny? That I just don’t feel beautiful, so I want to make myself beautiful? So what if I was planning on going home after school and cutting my self, praying for death to take me?
So what if Niall James Horan saved my life? It’s nothing really big, I guess. No big deal, right?
*~*~*~*
Feedback?
-Kait.xx
