Frayed Thoughts

Death

   It was always like that for Evelyn, you know. It was life was waiting for her to take that sharp turn in life before hitting her on the head with a poker stick or hit her in a head-on collision with a truck filled with misery.
Life has always been like this, so she wasn't even surprised when father had tried to stab her in the chest with a knife, oh no that wasn't enough to shock Evelyn even if a small part of her that always saw him as a father died. Evelyn knew she would live on, life was shitty to everyone, it was just a full time jerk employed to make everything harder for her. Even something as simple as dying seemed so much harder but a part of her, a small, tiny part of her didn't want her death in his hand,he would probably spend the rest of his life in jail and as much as another part of her, a very big one infact thought him a jerk who deserve nothing but pain. It had taught her one thing though, she was a softie, aunt Simi would be proud.
     That woman has always believed too strongly in the power of family, Evelyn didn't see the power then, she definitely didn't see it now.
       It had been a bright day, you know the one that makes you feel guilty for staying holed up inside, a Saturday infact.
         She had sat at the table picking at her food, she just didn't have an appetite no matter how much encouragement she tried to give herself about how important was to her body but it was all for nought even looking at the food made her want to puke.
      She heard the clinking of keys and kept quiet trying to stay as silent as possible almost wishing she could turn transparent...
   He entered staggering, Evelyn wasn't surprised infact she would be more surprised if he came home sober. He look at her and as if deciding that she was not important he continued his journey up the stairs ignoring her and she took a deep breathe.'in, out. In, out'. It was going to be ok. She wasn't scared of him because he will hit her, that man had complete apathy about anything that had to do with her. She just had a bad feeling like something was about to happen. She felt in her chest like a worm, then a python it rolled around in her chest hurting her and making her heart hurt.
     She wasn't the type to cry if not she would have been bawling her eyes out.
     It wasn't the first time this happened. On the day of aunt Simi's death she had felt it
  " You are nothing, you are nothing. No one loves you and sooner or later someone will find you dead on their door or you could just take your life" a voice said in her head. Evelyn continued eating ignoring the voice, in fact she was so used to hearing the voice it didn't bother her
" Aunt Simi will hate me if she was here so shut up" she replied back. It had always been like this, she arguing with her own demons
  She bent down to pick up her spoon and felt pain in her shoulder she looked up to see a knife sticking out of her shoulder, she looked up shocked to see her father holding the knife, he pulled it out of her and she looked ar him as if observing him. All emotions on her face and heart wiped out, even the pain seemed numb. He pushed her back trying to stab her again but this time in her heart. Evelyn didn't know whether it was because of her will to die or just surprise but she sat there still watching him like robot.
  The doorbell rang, it's sound going through the house and alerting it's inhabitants of a visitor. Her father dropped the knife all hatred on his face wiped out. He was back to the cold man he always was not the emotional one who tried to kill her or the one who used his wife's death to gain pity and boost business. Saved by the bell, she laughed at the irony. She wondered what aunt Simi would have said had she witnessed this or his wife.
     A part of her felt dead after all she even with his apathetic attitude towards her, a part of her still thought of him as family but now it was official she was an orphan. She always knew he was going to be the death of her. She gave a sad smile as she fell off the chair, she could feel her body lose blood, so much but Evelyn laid still too tired to struggle. Life was so hard, it had seem to always go against her so Evelyn wanted to sleep, even if it's forever, she just wanted sleep.