Fantasize

Chapter 5: Pathetic

What is wrong with me!?

I am now in my room lost in my thoughts. My best friend's boyfriend came to check on me, but I ended up slamming the door on him! He was really concerned about me, but I wasn't in the right headspace to accept his help. Now he probably thinks I'm crazy, but I wish I could explain to him what's going on with me. I just want him to understand that I'm not trying to push him away or that I don't hate him; maybe I just need some time to sort things out. But that's it! I don't have time! And I can feel it...the more I suppress this feeling for Alexander, the more I go crazy, and its worrying Eleanor.

Then Eleanor's gentle knock on the door interrupted my musings. I took a deep breath and pulled myself together.

As I opened the door, Eleanor's warm smile greeted me. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked, her eyes darting over my face for any sign of distress. "I was just checking on you," she added.

"I'm fine," I lied, trying to push down the emotions that were flooding my mind. But Eleanor saw through me, and her expression turned to concern. "I don't think you are," she said gently.

I sighed, knowing I couldn't hide my feelings from her forever. "Look, there's something I've been struggling with..."

"What is it?" She asked, Looking so worried.

I remained silent for a moment, considering my options. I knew I couldn't keep lying to Eleanor forever, but I also didn't want to risk ruining our friendship by telling her the truth.

"I'm just having a tough time right now," I finally said, feeling the weight of my deception pressing down on me. "I'm sorry for being so distant and not explaining why."

Eleanor nodded, accepting my explanation without question. "I understand," she said, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Everyone goes through tough times, and it's okay to have a hard time opening up to people. Just know that I'm always here for you, no matter what."

I took a deep breath, feeling grateful to have such a supportive friend in my life. "Thank you," I said, smiling at her. "That means a lot."

"Absolutely," she replied, giving me another hug. "Now let's grab some food and talk about something else. How does that sound?"

"Good..."

As we walked to the kitchen, my mind still racing with thoughts of Alexander, I couldn't help but wonder if I was doing the right thing by keeping my feelings a secret from Eleanor. I loved her like a sister and couldn't bear the thought of losing her as a friend. But at the same time, I couldn't keep hiding my feelings forever.

As we sat down to eat, I tried my best to engage in casual conversation with Eleanor. But my mind kept wandering back to Alexander and the guilt I felt for lying to my best friend. I knew that eventually I would have to come clean, but for now, I just wasn't ready to face the consequences.

After we finished eating, Eleanor suggested we watch a movie. I agreed, hoping that the distraction would help ease my mind. As we settled in on the couch, Eleanor snuggled up next to me and we turned on the TV.

As we watched the movie, my mind finally began to quiet down. With Eleanor by my side, I felt a sense of calm wash over me. I realized that my friendship with her was more important than any fleeting crush or attraction I might have. I was lucky to have someone like her in my life, and I knew that I needed to be honest with her no matter what.

As the movie came to an end, Eleanor turned to me and asked if I was feeling better, I just lied again and said yes.

As the movie came to an end, Eleanor turned to me and asked if I was feeling better, I just lied again and said yes. I didn't want to tell the truth and ruin things between us. So I decided to keep my feelings for Alexander a secret and pretend everything was fine.