Tell Me I'm Alive

Home...

My ride home is uneventful, mostly. The traffic was manageable and I only got road rage once when some asshole in a minivan cut me off at an exit. I only held the horn for five seconds and flipped them off, so they should be grateful. My nerves were through the roof the whole time and even my calming playlist wasn't helping.

The tension in my shoulders eases slightly when I pull into the driveway of my home. Looks like I'm the only one who's home at the moment. Mom and my step-dad, Paul, are still working, but who knows where Emma is at. I'm just glad she's not here.

After getting out of my car and lugging everything inside, I'm greeted at the door by one of the cats, Boo. He's our most social feline. Always happy to be given attention and often demanding it. I bend down to brush my hand over his back and he leans into the caress. Boo follows me upstairs to my room where I drop everything on my bed. Once the zipper to my duffle bag is undone, a few things spill out of the overstuffed bag. I grab the Sephora bag and put it in Emma's room on her bed.

When I get back to my room, I notice my phone is lit up on my bed with an incoming call. The number isn't saved and is unfamiliar to me, so I answer with trepidation. "Hello?"

"Lana?" Chan's voice filters through my ear and I let out a quiet sigh of relief.

"Yeah, Chan, it's me. What's up?" I take a seat at my desk and sit with my right leg folded under my left thigh.

"Just wanted to make sure you made it home alright. We have about ten minutes until boarding time."

"I just got home-" There's noise on the other end of the call, someone saying my name and Chan yelling at the person before another voice interrupts them.

"Nana-noona! The hyungs are fighting!"

"And what am I supposed to do about it, Seungmin? Did you take advantage of the situation and steal Chan's phone?"

"Obviously! Lino-hyung tried to steal it first so I grabbed it while Channie-hyung was fighting him off." I can almost see the smug smile on his face in my mind.

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you. How is everyone though? I've been worried about how they're doing."

"Everyone's mood has been down since you left. I'm most worried about Jisung though. You should probably talk to him before we board."

"Can you put him on the phone?"

"Sure!" I hear some more movement before a faint Han-ah comes from Seungmin.

Then Jisung's voice comes through the speaker, "Noona."

"Hey Hannie... how're you holding up?" My voice is quieter than when I was talking to the others, matching his volume.

"I-l'm okay. Missing you, but i-it's fine." His voice cracks a few times and my heart breaks right along with it.

"I'm sorry things had to happen this way, Hannie. I wish we all could have spent more time together, but it will get easier. I promise. We just have to adjust with the circumstances. I'm only a phone call or text away."

"I know that, it's just hard." His sigh blows air through the phone. "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay. I just got home and no one else is here right now. I'll probably see if one of my friends can talk later." Karina and Libby are probably busy or working. I honestly don't know how they are still functioning when they're constantly doing something. I would have collapsed by now if it were me. Janey might be able to talk later, though. She's much like me, a homebody, content to spend long hours in our rooms.

"Noona, I think I'd like to meet your friends sometime."

"I'm sure we can arrange something. Maybe a video call the next time I'm able to hang out with them. It's hard for us to get together since our schedules don't match up often."