Tell Me I'm Alive

Virtual Meeting

Thankfully, Yoojung sent her reply after I fell asleep that night and we set up a phone call for the following Monday. Well, Monday evening for me and Tuesday morning for her since she's in South Korea.

Saturday comes faster than I had originally anticipated. I had forgotten to get the ingredients for my dips the day before, so I woke up much earlier than I would have liked to run to the grocery store. The recipes are simple, but will taste better if they have time to set in the fridge.

After returning from the store, I begin preparing my supplies to make everything. I send a reminder text to both group chats of the plan for today as well. My excitement for both groups to meet each other is high. I'm still a little worried about what the girls will spill, but honestly, I've made a fool of myself in front of the guys already.

After I'm finished making the dips, I head up to my room and get on my computer for a bit, just mindlessly watching videos of the guys. I also set an alarm to remind me when it's time to leave for Janey's house. I often get lost in what I'm doing and I need the reminder of the time. The alarms are one of the only things that help me keep a schedule. If someone saw my phone, they would probably wonder what kind of nut I am to have them all.

By the time my alarm goes off, I'm so zoned out, it takes a couple seconds to realize what's happening. The past day was one of the worst days I've ever worked. My brain almost completely shut down by the time Mom and I made it back home. I was going completely on autopilot for the rest of the night. Even the group chats weren't enough to pull me out of the funk I was in last night.

I hope that spending some time with the girls will help revitalize me a bit. They're the only people I feel comfortable enough around to unmask completely. Even with my family, I wear a mask everyday. It's why I spend so much time alone, so I can just let go and be my weird self.

I make my way downstairs to grab everything. Mom and Paul left earlier in the morning to spend some time with my grandparents. I have no idea where Emma is at. She tends to leave at strange times since she broke up with her shitty boyfriend a few weeks ago. I know she's meeting someone or multiple people, but she hasn't shared who it is. Emma doesn't make the smartest decisions when it comes to her relationships, but I've learned to not poke and prod at her. It just makes things worse in the long run.

The temperature outside is thankfully cooler than it's been for the past couple days. The forecast is clear for the day, so Janey is prepared to have a fire at her house when the sun goes down. The drive there is quick since we only live about five minutes away from each other. When I arrive, I just walk straight into the house. We're plenty past the pleasantries of knocking. I call her name while bending down to pet one of her more social cats.

"In here!" She calls from the kitchen. I make my way there and put my bag down on the table next to all the food she has set out. "Just lay your stuff out on the table. I figured we could grab our food in here and eat outside."

"Sounds like a plan to me. Lib should be here soon and Karina said she was on her way." Libby lives even closer to Janey than I do while Karina lives the furthest from all of us.

"I can't wait to hang out with you guys. It feels like it's been forever since the last time." Janey grabs a cup and fills it with ice before pouring some Coke in. She hands the cup to me and I thank her.

"It always feels that way. I can't wait for y'all to meet the boys."

"How's that going by the way? You've barely told us anything since that first day." Her brows are furrowed in concern.

"Things are going well. I'm going to have my phone interview for the internship on Monday so fingers crossed." I do so with a hopeful expression on my face.