No Shots Missed

Chapter Ten- Could I like her any more?

(Kalen's POV)

The moment my paddle broke into the still water of the lake, I felt some of the weight in my shoulders lift away.

Two strokes later and I'd decided that I needed to find a way to do this more often.

Five strokes and I'd mentally assessed my finances and decided that not only did I have to get signed on a longer contract with the Toronto Tower but, also we were buying a cottage next summer. Hopefully on this lake so that we could all be neighbors.

Then Jil and I would get out on this water and do this as often as possible.

When I explained as much to Taylor she laughed and agreed, "Addictive right? It's the best way to start the day. I come out every morning. If Nessa is here, she joins me but other than that it's just me and Sass. Life feels better out here. Simpler." Sassy lifted her head for a moment at her name and then promptly fell right back asleep. 

It was so exactly my feeling that I slowed for a moment. Considering the truth in her words. It was something about the beautiful quiet. The utter stillness that calmed my nerves.

Of course Taylor understood my thinking. Fucking perfect woman. Perfect for me.

I wasn't sure if I had ever been so attracted to anyone in my life. Not just her looks although, she was breathtaking to look at. I also found myself noticing her kindness to the kids, the way she found it hard to sit still, the way she helped Gabby, the fact that she hadn't wanted me to come this morning but hadn't been able to say no.

She was a good person. Nowhere in sight was the princess that I'd imagined for so long and I was mad that I was just getting to know her now. More so infuriated that my own actions from the other day were colouring all of our interactions.

Every time she lifted her paddle, her dark blonde ponytail would swing back and forth and she'd give a little grin as the water stirred. Even with me out here, unwanted, she was happy here and it radiated out her pores.

It was hard not to stare.

We stayed silent for a few minutes. Listening to the girls who were quietly chatting as they paddled next to each other. Every once in a while they would bump into one another and giggle uncontrollably before moving farther apart. But it would only last for so long before they pulled together again. It was the happiest I'd seen Jillian in a long time and my heart was full knowing that in this moment she was free to just be a kid. To have fun.

The girls moved farther ahead and I slowed my pace, noticing that Taylor had been paddling slower and slower. She was staying farther and farther away from me, most likely. I wanted this distance to be gone.

I stopped and waited until she was right next to me and then spoke quietly, not wanting the girls to hear. "I know I owe you one thousand and one apologies but first I need to say thank you for letting us join you this morning. I don't know the last time I've seen Jillian so happy. It means the world to me."

Taylor's surprised gaze caught on mine before travelling to the giggling of the girls up ahead. She gave a tiny smile, "It's good for Janessa too, I'm glad they found each other. You should have seen them by the fire last night."

The guys had all played poker last night and the ladies had taken the kids down for a campfire and smores bar. I'd been hesitant at first but Jilly had waved me off like I was a nuisance.

I gave Taylor a smile, "When I checked on them last night and they looked like they fell asleep mid chat."

She laughed, "I'd imagine the two of them probably woke up and started right back up again, too."

It was clear that Taylor was offering an olive branch, and I considered accepting it but I couldn't seem to stop prodding away at the problem. Like an open sore, it needed more than just a bandaid. I wanted to cure the air between us. I needed her to know how wrong I had been. "How badly did you want to tell me to go fuck myself when you got out of the water and saw me yesterday?"

Her laughter surprised me, as did her shrug, "The last year has taught me that there's no point in fighting against other people's foul opinions of me. I'd rather save my energy for things that matter." Taylor's voice was serious but not mean and I respected her honesty, although questioned if such a thing could truly be ignored.

My board moved alongside hers, as close as possible. It didn't feel finished yet and now that I had this chance, I wasn't going to lose it. "Well, If it means anything, I realised pretty goddamn quick how wrong I was about you."

She nodded but didn't say anything else and I knew I wasn't quite uncomfortable enough yet. I needed to give her more. "I promise, I won't keep saying it but really, I'm sorry. I know better because of everything that happened with Nik and how my struggles were portrayed." I paused, making eye contact before continuing. If I was going to do this, I was going to do it right. "It's shameful that I would judge anybody else, especially someone so undeserving."

Taylor hadn't maintained eye contact with me for more than five seconds since we'd met in Serena's office. So, her lingering stare caught me by surprise. We both stopped paddling for a moment, ensnared.

The lack of movement startled the sleeping Sassy, making her bark.

Taylor looked down lovingly, "Hush, you." Then her eyes were upon me again, glaring, "I hope you know that I genuinely hate how good your apology is right now."

"What can I say?" I gave a shrug that belied how serious I was taking this. "I'm not the guy that you saw in Serena's office."

She swallowed audibly, "Then why?"

Valid question.

I played with simplifying my response but something in me wanted to be honest with her. "That day, Zane had invited Jil and I up here."

Her eyes caught on the girls. They were trying to get as close as possible to a log housing a couple of painted turtles without scaring them off. "Okay and you hate cottages..."

My smile was just a flash, "Not quite, Lance was teasing Zane about Gabby being here and he said something about his sister." Shame made the words stick in my throat, "For a moment I forgot about Nik. But when I remembered... The guilt that I could ever forget, even just for a small amount of time. it just wasn't my best day."

She was at a stand still again and when I stopped next to her there were tears welling in her eyes. I stuttered out another explanation, "That's not an excuse, I just want you to understand."

She blinked away the tears and her smile was sad, "I know. I also know how we can not be at our best on the darker days. Thanks for explaining."

Then she paddled away, moving over to the girls, putting an end to our conversation. I was relieved that she had allowed me to say my piece but oddly enough, I was sad for the conversation to be over. I wanted to talk to her about everything, about anything.

"Do you guys want to go a little further? There are a whole bunch of frogs and turtles in a little swamp over there. Oh last time we were there we saw those big Snappers. Remember, Tay."

Taylor opened her mouth to respond but Janessa was already moving on, explaining how powerful the jaws of snapping turtles were to Jilly who was in awe of her friend. I was beginning to see that Janessa only lived at one level- excited. Jillian seemed to absorb that energy and send it right back and I hadn't observed something so wonderful in a long time. She was fully alive here.

"I'm good, if you are." The look I sent Taylor dared her to say no and she laughed as if she could read my mind and accepted the challenge.

"Last one has to jump in the lake when we get back." She was already moving, completely unconcerned with the fact that she got a head start, or that she was cheating in a race against children.

I used my harshest tone, "You don't seem to be setting the best example for these young girls, Ms. Mack."

She laughed so hard she snorted and then started paddling even harder. The girls giggled and raced to catch her and I found myself laughing hysterically.

Could I like her any more?