For The Hope Of It All

Kiyara

The first time I saw Ilyes Almásy was at a wedding in Hudson, New York. He had his lips against his girlfriend's ear, wispy strands of blonde hair tangled with his long eyelashes and a giggle, leaving her lips at whatever he had said. I'm not told much about him, just whatever had been mentioned over the years. Professional soccer player in England. Grew up in France. He was apparently the cousin that Sinclair was going to introduce to me a few years ago but I had said no because he didn't specify which cousin it was and I couldn't risk my luck with the mid forty handsy cousin that I met once on the 4th of July. And also because I hated being set up. I knew it was his girlfriend, Benny's doing. Benny, my best friend. One of them, but the only one of my best friends that was in a long term relationship. She's an old soul, nearing twenty four but already on the prowl for couple friends to hang out with since she can't last more than a few hours without touching Sinclair. I don't think I'm that kind of person anyways, the relationship kind. The kind to go on double dates with my friends, her hand in her boyfriend's lap staring lovingly in each others eyes. Which is quite ironic to say when I was a bridesmaid at a wedding. No, I'd seen the effects of two people in love. And the aftermath when they realized none of it was worth it. My parents, the most incompatible couple that graced this earth. It was a shock that they'd ever managed to stay together for as long as they did. Five years before I was born and then another four after. And then of course, our family was split apart, my mom finding her one true love, six months later - my dad finding his three years later. The only evidence of their union was me. To this day, they don't speak to each other, only ever bothering to communicate through me. I guess they did seem happier apart than together. But it wasn't like I swore off dating altogether. No, I loved dating. I found myself in the company of many gorgeous men. I just didn't care for anything deeper than that. For years, I'd seen the people around me fall victim to love, always walking away from it scathed and bruised. I didn't fear it, no, I just didn't care for it. It wasn't worth it. I never spent enough time with someone to think I could possibly love them, or maybe I didn't let myself.

"Kiya, make sure Jude smiles in all the pictures today" Benny holds my forearm to keep me in place as she whispers in my ears. "Everything has to be perfect."

"Look at her, she looks so happy." I roll my eyes, gesturing to the raven haired girl speaking to Ilyes' girlfriend. Jude, my roommate and best friend, was yet another sufferer of love. Two weeks ago, she confessed that she was in love with her childhood best friend, Andreas and was met with complete carelessness. It'll pass, he had said to her. She cried in my arms for hours after his rejection and when I woke up after holding her all night, she had gone right back to crying. It went on for a week. Just utter misery from her, it actually hurt to see her in so much pain. And Andreas still had the nerve to get jealous when Benny had rightfully set her up with her friend for the weekend. Except, today, Jude didn't seem so miserable anymore. Not as miserable as yesterday anyways. And Andreas, he almost looked giddy, stealing glances at her like a boy in love. I made a mental note in my head to confront her about it later on. For now, I was focused on making sure Benny wasn't going to have a nervous breakdown over something beyond her control. She was the co-maid of honor at her mom, Camille's wedding, and I was one of the bridesmaids along with Jude. Benny's mom was getting married to Luna's dad, Florentin. Luna was the last piece of our friend group, the most passive of us compared to the strong personalities of Benny and I. I guess that's why we all worked together. I had taken off a few days to drive up here for the wedding. Well I didn't drive, Benny did, if you could call whatever she did driving. But still, it cost me 2 work days. I worked at Delano college in Brooklyn as an adjunct art instructor. On the days I didn't, I worked as a pilates instructor at Fluid where a class cost almost as much as my day rate there. Way above my tax bracket. It was worth it though, spending the weekend here away from the city. It was only a few days, enough for me to wind down and relax but not long enough for me to go crazy at just how calm it was. I never did like staying here at Luna's farmhouse in Hudson even when we all visited as kids every summer. Jude, she could stay here for weeks - I remember her crying when we were 11 because she didn't want to go home. Meanwhile, I had texted my dad to pick me up 2 days in. But now as an adult, I could hold onto my impatience to get home a bit better.