For The Hope Of It All

Kiyara

There was a weird feeling in my stomach when Eva sent through a barrage of photos of her and Ilyes at the game. It wasn't like they were making out or anything, in fact Ilyes looked miserable if anything. I still couldn't explain the feeling though. He had told me about it last week, that his team was going to be in New York for pre-season or something and he had some obligations but he neglected to tell me that he'd be taking Eva to the game. Part of me made excuses for him straight away. Maybe he thought I'd get jealous? But why should I care? I was the one that introduced the two of them. I didn't know they hung out like that. I didn't even think soccer games needed a date. I don't know why I was so annoyed by it. Eva sitting beside him at a live game. A game that his ex-girlfriend must have been attending. Ilyes was so insufferable, I couldn't believe I thought he might be a good guy. He obviously didn't have to send a car to take me home from Montauk but he did. Who knows if it was out of the kindness of his heart or if he just wanted a convenient fuck afterwards.I could laugh for assuming Ilyes might care about me in any shape or form. In fact, I didn't even want him to care. Why would I want that? It was better that way. We had agreed it was just sex.I must have thought he cared because I was so emotional after what happened in Montauk and not because Ilyes was actually a good guy.

Santi texted me again after Ilyes and I watched the fireworks but I didn't open it until after I got home the next evening when Jude told me that Santi came by looking for me. He must have been on his way to the airport. That's when guilt had sprung and I finally checked my messages from him. We continued to text, like normal. Santi wasn't really one to resolve things over text. Not that we needed to resolve anything. Which is why I avoided any call or FaceTime call he attempted. Always declining the call and texting him that I was at the movie theater or about to start class or about to shower. He was kind enough not to question anything. I couldn't contain my sadness over Santi's rejection to myself for my own mental wellbeing so I told Jude on the rare few nights she was home alone without Andreas. And she hugged me while I cried for the first time over a guy who wasn't even a bad person. Who hadn't even done anything wrong to me. She held me and told me it was okay for me to be upset. And that I should speak to Santi. I wasn't normally the kind of person to run away from small non issues like this. But I did and I know it was because I was afraid of total rejection by Santi. So to help cheer me up, Jude invited me to a latin club in Queens known for their reggaeton nights. I think the last time we had gone dancing was in February for her birthday so I was more than excited at the offer. I still remember when we just graduated high school and Jude's older sister Tatum snuck, Jude, Benny, Luna and I to our first club as a graduation gift but not before she spent the week teaching us how to dance. I never had an older sister but Tatum was the closest to it.

I ordered my Uber when I was finally finished with my hair and make up. The theme for the night was Barbie as per Luna's suggestion, so I smoothed down my asymmetrical baby pink skirt and adjusted the sheer lace off the shoulder top to match. I hoped it was a good enough outfit to turn some heads, maybe find a temporary warm body to occupy my night. I was putting on my heels when there was a knock on the door. Jude must've just forgotten her keys, which was more of a common occurrence than it needed to be. When I opened the door, the last person I expected to see was Ilyes.

"Where are you going?" Ilyes says as soon as he lifts his head to meet my gaze. I fight the urge to slam the door in his face.

"What are you doing here?" I say instead, raising my eyebrow at him while still trying to loop the strap through the buckle. Ilyes steps around me as he enters the apartment, closing the door behind him. He doesn't keep his eyes off me, instead walking backwards toward the living room.

"I thought we could hang out tonight. Now answer my question"

I can't help but roll my eyes, standing upright and brushing past him to retrieve my purse from the couch. "Where's Eva?"