a bedtime story- jeongsung

..are you kinda dead?

                                                                                                          Jeongin pov.

I lay down on the bed after we came back.
Still so fucking surreal that I'm married.
Like, who thought that could happen?
Me being married with Jisung.. wow.
I still don't get how he can be so chill about this whole thing, cause honestly, doesn't this change everything?
We aren't even a couple yet, we're just at the beginning of dating each other, and now we're married?
My whole life will change now.. okay no, that was a bit dramatic and it's Hyunjin's thing to be the dramatic one.
Speaking of him, what do I tell everyone now?

"You're looking concerned.. you alright?", Jisung asks.
"Just been thinking about this whole thing.. and still questioning myself how you could be so chill about this", I answer.
"Well.. that's probably because it was my dream to marry you.." he mumbles.
"What? We don't know each other for that long yet.."
"Hm not completely right.. I actually know you for 10 years now"
"Wait- 10 years? What do you mean with that?", I ask, totally confused.
"I've seen you the first time when I was 11.. at that time you and my brother became friends and you were often around our house. And for me it kinda was love at the first sight. Well, I was 11 and didn't really understand what being in love meant, but I knew I felt happy when you were around"

"How come I've never seen you? And Minho hyung also never mentioned you.."
"I was a very shy and introverted child, I just was scared to talk to you. I've tried so many times to just go to you but I couldn't. And I told my brother not to mention me.. I wanted to introduce myself in person"

"And you decided you're ready now?"
"Not really.. I didn't know you guys would be there on that evening so I didn't hide.."
"Wow.."

Speechless.
That's what I'm right now.
He hid for 10 years.. he's good.
I feel like I wouldn't have been able to do that.
I also never thought somebody could be too shy to talk to me, I always thought it'll be the other way around.
1o years.. crazy.. I feel pretty bad for him, I know it's not really my fault, but he must've felt sad and maybe also mad.
Mad at himself for not talking to me.
He hurt himself, his heart, by not talking to me.
I wish he would've talked to me sooner so that wouldn't have happened.

"That's kinda stalker like", I say after a while.
"Yeah sorry.. wait- that's your reaction to this?"
"I.. I don't really know what to say.. I'm kinda feeling honoured but also sorry"
"Why do you feel sorry, darling?"
"Because you probably felt very sad and you probably hurt yourself.. all that because of me"
"Oh no no, it's absolutely not your fault. Yes it did hurt, but that was my own fault. I just should've talked to you sooner, that would've spared me some things.. I'm just glad that after 10 years we finally talk to each other and are also on our way of becoming a couple. That was my dream and that it becomes reality now.. makes me incredibly happy"

"I'm also happy because I just feel so safe and comfortable with you", I tell him.
"I'm glad, love", he says and smiles.
"So.. so you wanted to marry me?"
"Oh yes I did.. I never really was someone who wanted to marry but after I saw you.. oh it completely changed. I imagined how pretty you would look in a suit or dress, whatever you'd feel more comfortable with, and how we'd just be happy. We wouldn't care about anyone's preferences, we just would do what we want and how we want it. And we would have a dog named Amela, because it stands for hope, who brings us our rings.."

I smile at him and just listen to him while he talks.
He has such a bright smile on his face while he tells me how his dream wedding would've looked like and that makes me so happy for this moment.. and makes me want to make it true.
Makes me want to forget the past without him and just look into the future with him.
Cause honestly, I don't think I can be without him anymore.
It's new for me to be loved and to love someone in this way, but it makes me happy and safe.
He's just someone who lets you feel like you're home when you're around him.. or maybe that's just for me like this.
Either way, he's my home.
And maybe this trip, this sudden marriage, was fate.

Now I feel it too, the chill feeling which he had all this time.
I think I realised that I can be totally chill and relaxed around him.. but why's that?
Well, my mom told me that is called love.

"Hey you alright? You just smile and don't move.. are you kinda dead?", he asks.
"I think.. I think I'm in love"
"Oh wow.. did you just really say that?", he asks, his voice filled with excitement.
"Yup"
"Thank you", he whispers and kisses my forehead.

"Mm.. and.. kinda dead?", I ask.
"You just ruined the moment"
"You asked me if I'm kinda dead"
"Shh.. just enjoy this and love me"
"Already doing that"