a bedtime story- jeongsung

unexpected

                                                                                                                  Jisung pov.

Everything happens way too fast.
The diagnosis and then him immediately getting taken away after.
To say I'm scared right now is an understatement.

"Ji.. sit down and try to calm down a little", I hear Chans voice.
"I can't.. what if something happens to him? Or to our children? Fuck.. this is freaking me out so much", I say.
"I know.. we're also scared. But running back and forth here won't help..", Minho says, sighing softly.
"I just wanna know if he's alright. I don't wanna sit down"

"Mr.Han?", I hear the doctor calling for me a few minutes later.
I walk to him and look at him, wanting to hear that Innie's alright.

"Yes that's me. Is he alright?", I ask, my voice trembling a bit.
"Mr.Yang gave birth to two healthy girls, congratulations. He did lose a lot of blood and is pretty exhausted right now"
"Oh thank god.. can I go see him now?"
"Yes he's in room 143.. it's right around the corner"
"Thank you.. could you tell this to my friends as well so they know everything too?"
"Of course Mr.Han"

I thank him again and make my way to Innie's room.
I slowly open the door and peek inside, seeing my husband connected to different cables.
The sight makes me feel so scared.. it truly does look terrifying.

I walk to his bed and sit down next to him, taking his hand gently into mine.

"Ji..?", he calls my name, sounding very weak and exhausted.
"I'm here darling, I'm here", I answer calmly.
"Mm good.. how are our babies?"
"They're well and healthy, you've done so good.. we have two daughters, love"
"I'm glad Ji.."
"How are you feeling my love? A bit better?"
"Exhausted.."
"You just need some rest and then we'll go home in a few days okay?"
"I love you Ji. There's a note in our drawer at home, will you read it later?"
"I love you too baby. Sure, I'll read it later. But why don't you just tell me now?"
"I want you to read it darling.. please?"
"Of course my love.. now rest a bit okay?"
"Mm.. but give me a kiss first?"

I smile at him and nod, leaning down to connect our lips and kiss him.
Innie kisses me back and I feel some tears on my face.
They're not mine though.. maybe he's just really exhausted and needs some sleep?

Just some seconds later, the doctor steps inside the room and asks me to leave since visitor time is over.
I turn my head to Innie, tell him that I'll come back tomorrow, give him a forehead kiss and then make my way home.

...

The next morning arrives and me and the rest of our friends are back at the hospital.
Beforehand though, I bought some flowers for Innie since they reminded me of him, beautiful and breathtaking.

"Good morning", the doctor greets us as soon as he sees us.
"Good morning", we greet him back, asking him if we already can go see my husband.
"First, would you all please come with me?", he asks instead.
"Oh uhm.. sure", we answer, clearly confused.

The doctor leads us into a room and asks us to sit down.
We all sit down, looking at him expectantly, not knowing what is going on.

"The reason why I asked you to come in here is because something tragic happened this night. We did everything we could to save him, but he just lost too much blood while he gave birth. I'm so sorry to tell you this but Mr.Yang didn't make it", he said slowly and calmly.

It was quiet for a moment.
The only thing you could hear were the sobs of Lix and Jinnie and the rest had a shocked and sad expression on their faces.
And what about me? I couldn't believe what I just heard.
Innie is supposed to be dead? He must be joking.
I let out a quiet disbelieving laugh.

"Please tell me this is just a bad joke..", I said quietly and looked expectantly into his face.
"I'm afraid not, Mr.Han"
"You wanna tell me he's dead? My husband is dead? The father of our children is dead? You're lying!", I say, getting louder and angrier with each word.
"Ji.. please calm down..", Minho says quietly, still, you could hear the pain and sadness in his voice.
"Calm down? I just lost my husband, the father of my children, and you tell me to calm down? How ..what is wrong with you?", I ask, the pain and anger speaking out of me.
"Ji.. it's not his fault that-", Chan starts, trying to handle this situation.
"Shut up.. I don't wanna hear this right now", I interrupt him.

I shake my head softly, suddenly feeling so constricted.
Those white walls, this smell of hospital is making me feel so panicked.
I walk out of the room, ignoring the voices of my friends who call after me.
After stepping out of the hospital, I start to run.
Run away from this nightmare.
Run away to the park, sitting down under a tree and starting to let my feelings out in form of tears.

I tried not to cry but I can't help it, can't stop it.
The love of my life is dead? The fuck is happening?
We just welcomed our daughters and now? Now he isn't here anymore?
Everything was perfect and that just has been shattered.
I don't want to believe this... don't wanna accept this.

"Ji.. hey.. don't run away", a voice calls for me. Minho.
"Leave", I say, turning my face away from my brother.
"I can't leave you alone in this state.. do you.. do you want a hug?", he asks softly.
"I want my husband, I want him and nothing else. How can you be so calm about this?", I ask, voice full with pain, and slowly look at him.
"I'm not.. inside me everything is falling apart right now, he was like a son to me.. but I'm trying to stay strong right now.. strong for you, my brother", he says, blinking a tear away.
"Why is this happening? How.. how did this happen?", I ask, still in disbelief and so much hurt.

Again, I look at my brother and start to cry again.
Cry and scream my emotions out.
Minho hugs me and says nothing, just holding me and being there for me.
Although he says nothing, I still hear his quiet sobs. Something I've never heard in my life.

I don't know when but I must've fallen asleep because when I wake up, I'm in my bed in our room.
I sit up and again some tears roll down my face.
Everything here smells like him, making me feel so freaking broken.
This situation.. it's still so surreal.

Yesterday everything was alright, he was exhausted, yes, but isn't everyone who gave birth exhausted afterwards?
What did I miss? Which detail could've given me a hint for this terrifying nightmare?

I stand up and walk downstairs, hearing baby screams.
I see Seungmin trying to calm them but isn't really successful at it.
Oh god.. I forgot about them..

I slowly walk into the living room and look at Minnie and the twins.

"How about you'll hold them?", Chan asks me carefully.
"I don't know if I can.. I don't know if I'm ready"
"I know this is tough, it is tough for all of us. It's surreal because who would've thought that we're gonna lose him so soon? It's not something what you'd expect. But as cruel as it sounds, your children are alive and need you. They need their dad and I think you also need them", Seungmin says, carefully choosing his words.
"You both look so much like him.. I'm so sorry I couldn't save him..", I whisper apologetically to them as I take them into my arms.
"Ji?", I hear my brothers voice.
"Hm?"
"What happened isn't your fault"

I look at both of my daughters, feeling both proud and sad at the same time.

"Ji.. those both still need names.. the hospital gave us their birth certificates where you still need to fill in their names", Chan whispers.
"Mm can you bring them?", I ask.

He nods, standing up and getting the documents.

"Will you write for me? I don't really have a free hand right now..", I whisper.
"Sure.. what should I write for the bigger one?"
"Write Athina", I answer.
"Mm okay.. and the smaller one?", Chan asks.
"Her name will be Artemis"
"Got it.. what about their last names though?"
"Write down Innies last name for both of them, so he'll continue living in both of our daughters", I say quietly, giving them a small smile.
"Done that.. I'll send them to the hospital"
"Thank you hyung"