If I Love You Was A Promise

Anxiety (Syrah's POV)

I pace around my room thinking over and over "what if he's rude and annoying? What is he's nice but breaks the rules for both of us." "No" I said to myself. "I can't afford to think like that right now." But there are so many things that could go wrong. All of the sudden, my palms start sweating, my body starts shaking, and I feel a pain in my chest. I realize soon after I'm having a hard time breathing. "W-what's happening to me..?" I stuttered as I felt a chill down my spine, still finding it difficult to catch my breath.

I finally sit down, hoping that my mom doesn't come in my room while this is happening to me. I think to myself, "why am I getting worked up like this? It's just writing to someone I've never met before." But it was more than that. This determines if you live, or die. You can't control emotions, all you can do is embrace them. If you fall in love or say something by mistake, it was all for nothing.

An hour later, my nerves start to settle. I'm back to where I was before. Worried what the future will bring, and wondering how I'm going to tell my mother about any of this. I haven't told her yet because I'm worried how she'll react to this information.
All I can do now is wait for them to email me the information needed to start the game. When I went to meet with the ones who selected us for the games, they told me to wait until they send the contact for my "pen pal". But they said it can take up to a week before they receive the information, and assign the number to the other individual.

A few days pass, and every day around 4:00 pm I check my email. I don't get anything until exactly eight days after I talked to them about the game. Then, at exactly 5:12 pm, I get the email. The email that determines life or death. The email that determines if I get a million dollars. My pen pal is number 8327. "That seems normal.. right?" I said out loud without thinking. Just then, my mother came walking in, and read the email. When she read it, tears filled her eyes. She was mad I didn't tell her, but upset that I was chosen. But it's not like I had a choice...