The Ghost of Princeton ||Spencer Reid||

blind hope

CRESSIDA

Maybe this was a bad idea. It wouldn't be my first and it certainly wouldn't be my last... but it could be my worst. I don't know what I expected to happen when I came back, but having Spencer shake my hand wasn't quite it.

"Sorry I don't have business clothes, they don't really care what I wear in cyber..." I trailed off, looking up at Hotch who smiled back at me.

"It's fine, this was very short notice, you will need to get some when we get back though." He replied, pushing open the door to the New York FBI Field Office.

"I assumed as much. Um, I wanted to thank you..." I trailed off, glad that it was just us for the moment. The others had been dispersed between locations of where bodies had been found and the coroner's office. Hotch, however, thought it would be best for me to observe as much as possibly on my first case, including setting up the boards and the rooms we used.

"What for?" He asked as we walked in, our conversation taking place between greeting other agents in the field office and making our way to the room we had been given for the case.

"For thinking of me, offering me the position."

"It's not the first time." He replied as we walked into the room, he put his bag down on the table and I put mine next to his.

"Yeah I know... how many times have I turned you down now?" I asked, it was more rhetorical. A joke. But he answered anyway.

"Six times." He said, and the smile I had on my face dropped without a second thought. "And that's okay, you weren't ready yet."

"But the last time you asked me was just a under a year ago... who left again?" I asked.

"Kate Callahan." He answered, I nodded slowly. That's right, she left to have her baby and spend time with her family. As respectable a reason to leave this line of work as any. "And you weren't ready a year ago. Even if it doesn't feel like it, it's a long time. Do you know what changed between then and now?"

My thoughts went back to just a couple of weeks ago, the voice message that was still on my phone.

"I don't know. It just feels right." I answered, he raised an eyebrow, able to tell it was a lie. However, I was glad that he didn't push me for the truth.

"Well, I'm glad you're joining us either way." He said, opening his bag and taking out his tablet. "And you do remember that if the next six months go well that there's a chance you could stay with us?"

"Yeah, but I'm not putting blind hope into that." Another lie. I was slowly dying, stuck in cyber, working on computers like I was forced to do with the Horsemen. Just as I had told Spencer five years ago, computers weren't my passion anymore. While I had been working with a therapist since the week I left Spencer's apartment, that was something I had never been able to gain back. The Horsemen took it from me, and I would always hold anger over it too. "I know that the chances are slim, so I have a realistic outlook on my future with the BAU. While I would like to continue working with you guys after these six months, I know that it's very likely that I won't."

"Never say never." Hotch replied. It was strange, to feel like I was a part of this team at the same time I felt completely separated. Or maybe it was just the separation from one person. "Have you thought a little more about the case?" Thank god, a change of subject.

"A little..." I trailed off, watching as he moved to the pile of papers on the table. Printed photos ready for us to use and stick up as we please.

"What have you come up with?" He asked as he stuck up the picture of the first victim. She was blonde, mid forties, had a brilliant career in business as CEO of a company dealing in international trading.