The Ghost of Princeton ||Spencer Reid||

trauma

SPENCER

We drove in near silence for five and a half hours, making small conversation about which direction to go and what stops to make. We ended up at a motel in the middle of nowhere off of a country highway. It was quiet, but not concerningly so as there were a few other people staying for the night as well.

We had one of the better rooms, one with two queen beds and a small patio outside which connected to the grassy courtyard. I'd only just come out of the shower when I saw Cressida wasn't inside, but out on the grass, her white hair catching the moonlight as she lay on her back and was looking up at the sky.

Surely she was getting cold, the temperature was dropping quickly and she was in a shirt and sweatpants. I took hold of a blanket from one of the beds and walked out to her, her eyes meeting mine as I stood next to her.

"Come lay next to me." She said, patting the cold grass.

"I just showered, all I wanted to do was bring a blanket out to you." I said, she rolled her eyes.

"Please, look at the stars with me." Well, I guess I can't say no to that. I threw the blanket over her before I sat down next to her. She gave me some of the blanket as I made my way to lay down on the grass.

"Why are we looking at the stars?" I asked as I settled onto my back and looked up at the sky. The sun had set less than an hour ago, and I was wishing we were laying under it's warmth instead of this.

"Because, they're beautiful to look at." She said, tucking the blanket under her chin. "I've always loved the night sky, looking at the stars. Whenever I've felt overwhelmed I've come outside at night, laid down on grass or something connected to nature, and just looked at the stars. Each star is a sun, each sun has it's own system of planets, each solar system is a part of a galaxy, each galaxy a part of an ever-expanding universe which is likely one of many." I turned to look at her as she waved her hand slowly across the expanse of sky.

"We're very small in comparison."

"Small isn't a strong enough word." She replied, dropping her arm but still looking up at the stars. "We're not even a speck of dust in this vacuum of space, and just knowing that we are a part of this unlikely circumstance makes my problems feel less... just less. Why would I worry about things like how I look or what I should wear when the likelihood of our existence is so precious? When we are a part of something so ridiculous as a forever expanding universe that sprang out of absolutely nothing."

I guess she had a point, it was strange, to say the least.

"While I don't believe in a higher power or anything like that, the science doesn't feel like enough to justify this. To justify the amount of stars we see in the sky. I understand why people do believe in gods, because it is so difficult to comprehend how all this happened, how it all turned out so absolutely perfectly. There's nothing more beautiful than a clear night sky." That was a lie, because I was looking at the one thing that was more beautiful than the stars. Her eyes were reflecting those flecks of light in the distance, a gentle smile on her lips as she seemed to be at peace for the first time in what felt like a lifetime.

"Aside from my family and decent human interaction, the night sky was what I missed the most when I was one of the Four Horsemen. In the six years I was stuck with them, I was never allowed outside. I didn't see the stars for six whole years, and then I stayed in a city where there's too much light pollution to see them. Then I chose a job where I haven't taken time off, and the only chance I've had to see the stars have been on our cases when we've been too busy trying to catch killers to just appreciate..." she gestured to the sky. "To appreciate this."