The Ghost of Princeton ||Spencer Reid||

clean slate

CRESSIDA

I could do this. All I had to do was reach up and knock on the door. From there, all that would follow would be an absolutely terrifying conversation that I didn't really want to take part in.

But I pinkie promised Derek I would do this, so it had to be done.

And I knew if I backed out that he would never let me hear the end of it.

So I reached up and knocked, listening to the silence afterwards and catching Spencer's footsteps as he made his way to the door. Then there was the following silence, the one that told me he had reached the door and checked through the peephole to see it was me. That he didn't know how to proceed from there.

And when I looked up to check my theory was proved correct.

"Spencer, I know you're in there. Your shadow is blocking the light through the peephole." I told him, but the door still didn't open. "I understand why you don't want to let me in. But we need to talk, because if I'm staying with the BAU then we need to be on better terms than what we are."

The silence continued, as I looked at my hands. I should have known that he wouldn't let me in. Storming his home? It was a terrible idea. I should have messaged him, or talked to him at work and organised somewhere to meet for coffee.

"I just want to say that I'm sorry and figure out a way forward for us." I said, which was my last ditch attempt at getting him to let me in. If those words didn't work then nothing else would. The silence continued, the door stayed closed.

I shook my head and took a step backwards. At least I could tell Derek that I tried...

Just as I went to walk away the door slowly opened, and I looked up at Spencer's tired eyes. He wasn't okay, and I should have known he wouldn't be. His best friend just left the BAU. It wasn't the first, or likely the last, time that someone he cared about deeply left, but it still hurt the same. I tried to stop myself from wondering if this was what he was like when I left, because it's how I felt when I did.

"Did Morgan put you up to this?" He asked, I bit my bottom lip and nodded. "He talked to me as well, said I should talk to you sooner rather than later."

"Did he make you pinkie promise like he did with me?" I asked, a half-smile broke through his sadness.

"Pinkie promise?" He asked, I nodded.

"I thought it was a bit juvenile, but..." I shrugged my shoulders as I walked slowly towards him. "Might have been the push that I needed."

"Did he threaten to check in a week?" He asked me, I nodded once more. "I was going to put it off for as long as I could..."

"That was my first thought as well, but figured it was probably best to give us as much time as we need to get through this." I said, he looked to the ground as he let out a visible sigh. "If you're too tired we can do this later." I added, but then he looked up at me once more.

"Do you want to come in?" He asked, I smiled and nodded my head, so he opened the door wider for me and I slipped into his apartment. It was nearly exactly the same as it had been five and a half years ago. Books were scattered everywhere, a hint of coffee was wafting through the air. I had to keep my eyes away from the bedroom door.

He made us tea before we sat down on his couch, reminiscent of how we talked all those years ago. Chamomile tea was in my mug as it had been back then...

"I'm sorry with how I ended our last conversation." I said, blowing onto the hot cup of tea before taking a sip. Having a drink stopped me from grimacing at the memory of that argument. I had ket my anger get the best of me then...