Another Life | chanseungin

excuses

"Fuck..."

Chan looks over to his blaring alarm. Ugh. He slowly steps out of bed, his body shivering as he feet met the cold floor. He pulls a shirt over his head and steps into the kitchen.

"You're late, Chan." His roommate stated blankly, Seungmin was always nagging him about being late to a meeting. He huffed and rolled his eyes at the brunette. He's only been late once, it's not that serious. "I have an hour and a half, it's fine." He walked to the bathroom to prepare..

As the showerhead spouts out warm water, Chan steps into the shower. The water pours down his back, he sighs, feeling relaxed. He combs his shampoo into his hair, he hasn't washed his hair in months. He hasn't been sober in months..

Chan is an alcoholic, he always will be. He's been through a lot, his parents were murdered and he was separated from his siblings. Since he wasn't born in Australia, he was deported and sent to live with an aunt, who died eight months after he was placed in her care.

He had a lonely childhood, his adulthood wasn't any better. He only had one friend, Seungmin, who wasn't the best influence sometimes. He was mostly a hypocrite. He always bothered Chan about going to AA meetings on time, but he hasn't been to any NA meeting in months.

That's not fair.

How is he allowed to go out and drink, and snort grams upon grams, and Chan isn't?

Unfair.

Chan steps out of the dryer and dries off. He looked into the mirror, he stared into his reflection's eyes. He looked so... Broken, his mother would be so ashamed to see him like this.

He puts his clothes on and rushes out the door. He's not late, he just wants to have some time to buy bottle of soju to drink before the meeting.

He walks into the convenience store and buys a shot of soju. He knows he shouldn't show up buzzed to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but he can't function without alcohol in his system.

He walks out and takes the two shots. The bus pulls up and he gets on. He sits next to Jeongin, he's.... particular.
Jeongin looks up at him and gives him a half smile.

"You're early." The younger says.

"Yeah, I woke up early."..

Jeongin looks ethereal.. He's slim, but toned. His skin is slightly tan, and look so smooth. He has thin hands with long fingers. Long finger nails too. He wonders how they would feel digging into his ba-

Hm.

Chan watches him get off at the next stop. He wants him.

He ignores the feelings and focuses on staying somewhat sober for his meeting.

🍃

Chan walks into the meeting and sits in the first seat he sees. He doesn't want to be there. It just reminds him of his multiple failed attempts at sobriety.

He doesn't say anything during the meeting. It makes it easier, since he has no intention of staying sober. He sits back and listens to everyone. He thinks it's ridiculous how everybody just makes excuses for their actions.

You're not an alcoholic because your dad died, you're an alcoholic because you like to drink.

A woman is talking now, about how she started drinking excessively after her baby died.

"After my son died... I don't know I just couldn't stop drinking. I guess his death broke me."

Chan scoffs, "That's bullshit."

The woman looked at him with shock and a bit of hurt on her face, "W-What?"

"I said that you're bullshitting." He looks at her with disgust on his face. "Your kid died, that's sad, whatever. But him dying was not the cause of you drinking. You're a drunk because you were born one."

The woman looked so upset. Like she had been hit with the worst news of her life. She got up and ran out crying.

Chan had an unamused look on his face. Everyone was glaring at him, for a bunch of bad people, they were judging him hard. "Oh, fuck off, all of you have said worse."

"Why do you have that way of thinking?" The therapist asks.

"Because, that's how it is. We're all bad people, let's not act like we're not." He rolled his eyes.

"Well, that's not true for a lot of people. Some people just don't have any other outlets for stress except for alcohol." A person chimed in.

"So you find one. Making excuses for your bad behavior will just make you feel like you've done nothing wrong." Chan sighs.

"You're here with us, yet you act like you've done nothing wrong. That's hypocritical." Some guy says.

Chan looks up at the man. "I've drank an entire bottle of whiskey since I was sixteen. I'm a bad person, I'm a drunk, just like you, but I'm not going to act like the tragedies in my life are the reason I am who I am. It's pathetic."

"What's your name?" The therapist asks.

He sighs, "Chan."

"Well Chan, what's your story?"

tbc~