Ex Lovers

Unexpected Realisations

I sat across Hayden as we ate dinner together in silence for the first time in a long while. This is quite uncommon; usually, Hayden eats at work or comes home late when I've already eaten, but tonight, we're having dinner together. 

"Did you go to the company today?" Hayden broke the silence with his question. 

"I did. I looked at some documents and attended a meeting with my father and...Jake. I think I'm making progress. He's trusting me with more work." I replied, unsure of whether my answer satisfied him. He nodded but before he could say anything else, my phone ran. It was an unknown number but I picked up, assuming it was a company associate calling. I held the phone to my ear as I greeted the mystery caller. 

"Hi Ella," A familiar voice spoke, sending a shiver down my spine. I recognised him but I tried really hard to keep a straight face.

"Who is this?" I asked for the sake of not exposing the caller to Hayden, who was listening in. I could recognise Alex's voice and the fact that he called me Ella made it more obvious. No one really calls me that, some call me Elena but everyone else calls me Elle. Besides Alex, Hayden and Kate used to consistently call me Ella, which I adored. Now, he calls me Elena, further emphasising the formality of our marriage. 

"You don't recognise my voice any more?" Alex inquired, with a voice that told me he was smiling on the other line. I didn't know what to say because Hayden was right there, opposite me and looking at me. 

"I don't. I think you have the wrong number." I muttered before ending the call. I put the phone down on the dinner table before returning to eating. I thought Hayden would ask about the call but he didn't, something I was grateful for. He could tell when I was lying, which would turn this into a whole situation. After a couple of minutes, Hayden stood up and walked away from the dining room, leaving me alone. 

I didn't have an appetite to eat but I remained at the table, playing around with my fork and knife. It's been two weeks since my fall and concussion. I still get headaches but the pain has lessened. Hayden never brought up that night and didn't ask me anything about what the doctors said. I assumed Elliot had informed him but I doubt he went looking for answers because he was ever worried. 

Whilst I sat in my study, looking over the contracts my father had assigned me, I heard Hayden discussing something with his assistant in the hallway. The voices got louder and louder, making the subject of their conversation clear. 

"I've contacted the assigned florist and they're preparing Ms Porter's favourite flowers, ready to be delivered tomorrow before everyone arrives. Everything else will be set up an hour before, including the seats and podium. I've also confirmed with catering who'll set up the food for the guests. Anything else you need me to do?" Hayden's assistant, Julia said confidently, showing how organised she always is. I came to the sudden realisation that they were talking about Kate and that tomorrow would mark a year after her death. I felt sick knowing I'd forgotten about it. How could I forget about such a thing? 

"Can you arrange for a single bouquet of yellow roses alongside the rest of the daisies?" Hayden requested and I could hear the sadness in his voice. Anytime Hayden bought Kate a bouquet for whatever reason, he always got her yellow roses even though her favourites were daisies and I never really knew why besides that it was their tradition. 

"Of course. I'll arrange that with them tonight and personally make sure they're there in the morning. Goodnight Mr Porter." Julia spoke and I heard her heels clicking as she walked down the stairs after Hayden bid her goodbye. 

I stood up to catch up to Hayden whilst he was still there but I froze at my door. I wanted to ask him to let me go with him tomorrow to Kate's grave. A year ago, Hayden didn't let me attend her funeral, no matter how much I cried or pleaded with him to let me go. I hated that I couldn't mourn her death whilst everyone else did. He forbade me from ever going to her grave and never even told me where she was buried. Her grave wasn't widely known by the public and I never asked Elliot about it, even though I came close on multiple occasions. I didn't want Hayden to know that I'd gone to her because I knew he would find out, which would lessen my chances of visiting her in the future. Hayden lost his sister but he never considered the best friend that I lost. With him there, I was never allowed to mourn her because I didn't love her enough; I didn't care for her enough; I was the reason she died because I chose my twin brother over her. But this was my opportunity to convince Hayden to let me go with him. I felt that I owed Kate this much to fight for her so I could visit her and properly mourn her. Maybe by being closer to her, my hurt would lessen.