How Do I Love Thee?

Don't Promise Me Forever

I woke to the sound of voices outside my door. At first I was dizzy and disoriented. I had a moment of panic, a sense that everything had been a dream and I was still in that room. I let out a sigh of relief when I felt the soft bed. I listened closer to the voices outside my door. I couldn't quite tell what they were saying, but I could make out Ian's voice. I smiled. It was so nice to wake up to his voice. For the moment everything was calm. Everything was perfect for that one moment in time. I knew that would change quickly though. I stood from the bed. As I did I noticed that my leg didn't hurt anymore and there was a new bandage on it. I felt the back of my bed and it was clean of blood that had been there. I sighed again. I must have been really out.

I walked to my door and opened it to see Doc and Ian standing outside of it. I looked from Ian to Doc and back again. They both were being quiet now that I was out here.

"What's going on?" I felt my eyebrows pull together. I looked to Ian again and I realized he was irritated.

"It's nothing." He turned around and stormed towards the kitchen.

I looked back to Doc with confusion etched on my face. Doc shook his head. "He's angry that they couldn't find the man. They've been looking all night." He put his hand on my shoulder. "They are doing everything they can and I promise I will help them in any way I can to help them find him." Doc had a sullen look as he walked away.

I leaned against the wall for a minute. They were all trying to help me. These people really were my family. I sighed. If only the one piece of true family I had left was here. I felt tears spring to my eyes, but I didn't let them fall. I walked to the kitchen to find Ian with his hands on the counter and his head hung low. I walked up to him and placed my hand on his back.

"Ian..." I waited until he turned his head towards me. "We're going to find him. We're going to stop all this-"

He grabbed me suddenly and smothered my mouth with his. It wasn't an easy loving kiss like any time before. He kissed me like if we separated he would die. He held my body to his. He kissed me without abandon. Then he broke it off and put his face in the crook of my neck and still held me. I felt the moisture coming from his eyes. I felt him jerk with each sob he held him. I just held him and rubbed his spine. "Ian, hey, it's okay. Everything's okay." He lifted his head and held my face in his hands. I thought he was going to kiss me again, but he just looked into my eyes.

"I..." he stopped and looked at me. "I was so scared, Alex. I thought I had lost you." He held back another sob. "I never thought I could feel like this about someone, but you... You make me feel so alive again. I thought..." He paused again and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes but still held my face. I held onto his forearms. "I thought that my whole world had just come shattering down." He opened his eyes again and tears still streamed down his perfect face.

"But I'm here. Now." I wiped his tears away and the ones that followed those. "I told you, I'm not leaving. I'm never leaving you Ian. I love you." I hadn't meant for it to come out, but it had. I had told him before, but not in so few words. His eyes widened, but I saw a smile pull at his lips.

He kissed me again, hard and quick. "I love you, Alex." He kissed me again and then we were both smiling. Oh, how I loved this man. I knew he was my future, forever. I pulled back from him.

"Ian, I want to..." My words got caught in my throat. How weird that even now - when we have accepted and admitted our love for each other - I got embarrassed in front of him. I felt my cheeks burn and turn red. I looked at the floor.

"What is it?" He tried to pull my chin up and I let him. I looked him in the eyes and tried to tell him that way, but he was still confused. I sighed and grabbed hold of his hand. I pulled him back to my room and sat on my bed looking up at him.