❁ jealousy is a disease ❁

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For a while, it did stop hurting, but is it weird to say it also only made things hurt worse?

Xiao and I, like peanut butter and jam, salt and pepper, the sun and the moon. Peas in a pod since we were toddlers, chasing after our moms who'd chatter incessantly about everything from the weather to the latest preschool drama.

It was my mistake to have taken this time for granted.

We never walked to school together anymore. He'd always rush out to catch the bus with Lumine, twining his fingers into hers, brushing a stray lock of hair out of eyes. I didn't have the willpower to thirdwheel, sitting behind them alone, paging through my manga listlessly.

We never texted anymore. Though I always waited for that special chime I'd set just for him to ring, it never did. Instead of notifications about the latest Genshin updates, I got Instagram bots telling me to be their brand ambassador. To say that was a downgrade was an understatement.

Worst of all, we never facetimed anymore. Morning, day, and night: Lumine, Lumine, Lumine. A single word from Xiao's mouth was another icy cold dagger to my heart. At times I grew restless and snapped at him to stop, an embarrassed flush later creeping up my ears, but even this I could no longer feel sorry about. His stricken and hurt expression, though tug at my heart strings it did, could not quell the annoyance in my chest or bring out the regret hidden beneath those layers of hurt.

I had never known what it felt like to be truly alone until Xiao met Lumine. Their meeting to him a blessing, to me a curse. I couldn't help hating Lumine, even if I did try to get along with her. She didn't like me, Xiao knew as much. When their already meager amount of invites to the mall or arcade started drying out, I knew that was my cue to make myself scarce; stop ruining their private moments.

To lose a crush, to get rejected, that was fine. Sure, I'd liked other people before, like that disastrous summer I'd met Tartaglia and realized he already had no less than 10 girlfriends. But to lose my best friend, that was a pain I'd never experienced before.

My time with Xiao, like a tipped over hourglass, already emptying out.

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by: cat

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