cw: drug mention, depression, suicidal thoughts, strong language.
valerie storms in the room wilbur's laying. "finally, you're awake." val exclaims, anger in her voice. "so are you gonna tell me why you got high again or are you just gonna sit there in complete silence!!" she yells.
"i'm sorry." wilbur mutters, "i'm so sorry." he mutters again.
"you're not sorry wilbur!! you always say you're sorry and just fucking go back to contradicting yourself!!" valerie goes to yell even louder, until she hears tallulah crying in the doorframe.
"well done, you just made our daughter cry. i hope you're fucking proud." wilbur exclaims, picking up tallulah and comforting her. "you're okay lulu, you're gonna be okay." he whispers as he kisses her forehead softly.
as wilbur ventures downstairs, lulah falls asleep in his arms. "aw you're so cute.. i love you baby." wilbur mumbles softly to her. he goes to pour himself a glass of water until he stops, and the rush of nausea hits him. "fuck.." he mumbles, hyperventilating.
he puts tallulah down in bed, as he texts tommy.
wilbur: tommy i think i'm dying perhaps
tommy: what do you mean by that wil?
wilbur: i just started to feel really sick what if there's something wrong i'm so scared
tommy; hey listen you're gonna be okay wilbur
wilbur: i can't stop thinking about i'm panicking so bad man
tommy: i'm on my way, you're gonna be okay
wilbur: plz don't be long
tommy rushes in, seeing wilbur sitting down on the sofa, absolutely terrified, heavy, shaky breaths, knees bobbing up and down and his head down.
"w-wil?" tommy mumbles. "a-are you okay?" he questions him as wilbur just goes over and pulls him in for a hug. "n-no.." wilbur sobs into his shoulder. "i'm really not."
"what's wrong wilbur.. talk to me." tommy mentioned.
"m-me and v-val had an a-argument and i j-just don't wanna be here anymore.." wilbur splutters out, as more tears drop down from his eyes.
"oh wil, don't say that! think about tallulah.." tommy holds him close as he sobs.
after a while, wilbur let's go and dries his eyes. "i-im sorry tommy.." he abruptly apologises.
"what for man?" tommy asks, confused look written all over his face.
"i didn't mean to break down in your arms like that." he exclaims with a mumble, "god aren't i meant to be the mature one here? why am i acting like a goddamn 6 year old."
"wilbur, you don't need to apologise." tommy mentions.
"just go, i'm gonna take lulah for a walk.. i'll text you soon." wilbur says, a soft smile following after.
tommy nods and leaves.
he goes into tallulahs room, to see her playing with her dolls. "hi daddy!!" she runs over and hugs his legs.
"hey baby.." he picks her up. "do you wanna go for a walk honey?" he asks.
"yeah!! but can i bring anna? pleaseee daddy!!" she asks, holding the doll, which she has in her hands, up so he can see.
"of course my darling." he smiles.
he leaves with tallulah and valerie messages laura, her sister.
valerie: wilburs been a dick again
laura: what did i tell you, he's no good for you!!
valerie: please don't say that
laura: if you're pressed by the truth just fucking say it.
valerie sighs, after thinking that laura's just jealous.
meanwhile, wilbur takes tallulah for a walk around london. it's not too late, yet it's dark, and not many people are around.
they walk around a bit more, until wilbur comes across a bridge. the exact same bridge he filmed "Your City Gave Me Asthma" on.
"tallulah baby?" wilbur asks.
"yes daddy?" she replies.
"do you remember this bridge?" he asks again.
"you made m-music here!!" she giggles.
"yes i did babygirl.. well done on remembering.." as wilbur holds her and kisses her forehead slowly as they cross the bridge. until they get to the risen bit of the bridge.
wilbur looks over the bridge. that is one far drop.
but the thoughts come back.
jump wilbur.
climb up and jump.
nobody will miss you. nobody would even care.
who would even notice?
tallulah wouldn't even be able to call anyone, she can't even form proper sentences yet without stuttering.
jump, william.
don't be a fucking pussy and do it.
jump into the upcoming traffic.
he looks at tallulah, and then back over the bridge, and then back at tallulah.
"are you okay daddy?" she asks.
"yes baby, i just like the view." he replies, a smile forming on his face.
"i wanna see daddy!!" she giggles.
he shows her the view from the bridge, as the stars glistened and how the wind gently blew.
"woahh.." she was so amazed.
oh how he wished tallulah wasn't here.
after a while they walk home, wilbur still paranoid about his thoughts.
after all he was just hanging on by a thread, yet his own daughter, tallulah, was his thread.
she saved his own life, a two year old saved his life.
but she doesn't even know it.
YOU ARE READING
i think this time i'm dying // a wilbur soot fanfiction
Fanficwilbur soot is majorly suffering with his mental health, and he feels so lost and lonely, even with his girlfriend, valerie and daughter, tallulah, by his side. no one can help him. not even his bestfriend tommy. "i don't want to be here val, i wish...
