Feathers and Flame // Dabi x Reader x Hawks

34: Crave

"You're distracted."

The hiss of metal-on-metal as Toga's blade clashed against yours ricocheted through your pounding skull. She paused for a moment, waiting for your reply as she rolled her shoulders.

"I didn't sleep well."

Not a lie, but certainly not the truth either. Given the incredulous look that passed over Toga's face, she wasn't the slightest bit convinced.

"Not going to tell me?" Toga asked as she launched herself into another attack. You dodged her by a hair, your blade glancing off hers as you spun into a counter. "If it's a fight you need, I'll stop going easy."

A grin spread across your lips. "Give me hell, Toga."

And she did.

It was punishment you were after. Brutal, unending torment. After all, why else would you seek Toga out to spar the moment you opened your eyes? Surely waking with the most throbbing headache was penance enough? But no. You wanted complete and utter brutalisation because that was the only thing that would stop you from feeling. The guilt. The shame. The only thing that could stop you from facing the truth.

But it was like slapping a band-aid on a gaping wound — it soaked up some of the blood, yet you were still split open.

No punishment could be greater than facing what you had done. In the end, you were still just running from him.

Maybe the fact that you didn't dream of him was a gift of relief. Or maybe when all those memories came flooding in the second you opened your eyes, it was the perfect torture. You could only describe it as an acute kind of pain. The kind that gripped you so tightly you could do nothing but lie there and wait until it released you. No sounds. No expressions. No hiding. Just pure and unfiltered agony.

And god it had torn you apart to see the truth in his eyes, to know it in your soul and still run from it. Hawks was always so much better than you at hiding what he felt. And yet, when you looked into those beautiful golden eyes, he chose to let you see it all. Every single cursed emotion. And you ran.

Hawks wanted you. You felt the truth of it deep in your bones. He wanted you. And how easy it would have been to let him have you. For just a brief, beautiful moment, you could have. But your heart knew better.

You couldn't.

He would never catch you if he could see exactly what crawled under your skin.

This game you had become swept up in was coming to a quick, vicious close. Soon enough, you wouldn't have a heart left to feel anything at all. And you knew that monster inside you would have to come out before the end of this. There would be no hiding then. From Dabi. From Hawks. From yourself.

And maybe you would welcome the moment when you finally stopped caring. When you finally went back to who you were before the League, before Hawks ever knew you existed. It was simpler then, at least.

"Okay, you win."

Toga's croaking voice snapped you from whatever daze you'd fallen into, and you focused on your surroundings, finding her flat on her back with your knee on her chest and your knife against her throat. You stood up, offering her a hand. "Sorry, I got lost there for a minute."

Those feline eyes of hers softened. She slid her hand into yours, allowing you to tug her up. "If you decide you want to talk, I'm here."

The smile you gave her was genuine. "Thanks, Toga."

The sound of furious clapping sounded from where Compress had been seated, watching the entire sparring session while polishing his marbles. "Bravo!"

You dipped into a perfect bow. "I was only half as good because you were here to cheer me on, Mr. Compress."