After Everything (A Starkid Fan Fiction)

Chapter 13-The Tattoo

~"I knew it. I knew I made the right choice!" "In what?" "My best friend." -Cars~

Chapter 13

I woke up from a nightmare again at four am. It scared the shit out of me, reminding me of what happened a year ago. I don't understand how I can't let go of these horrible memories enough to finally sleep a full night. I am dealing with these memories as best as I can, but they keep coming back every night and mocking me. They laugh. And taunt. And hurt me. And it's painful. I just closed my eyes and reminded myself where I am now, and why everything is better. I went through the pain, when's my happy ending? It's when I decide to let everything stop affecting me. But I'm not letting it. It's gonna take time, right? Time. Time that's taken so long already. How much longer do I have to wait? Do I need to suffer? We'll see.

I put down my coffee cup and lock my phone, putting that down on the counter as well. I cover my face with my hands and just take a deep breath, pulling my hands down a second later, trying to snap myself out of the fog from the sleep. Or lack thereof. God, trying to sleep with nightmares is like trying to sleep with a massive headache. No matter what you attempt to do, it just doesn't go away, and it just annoys you further.

I adjust myself on the stool to get comfortable. Then, I pick up the book sitting next to me that I'd brought out and hold my coffee in my other hand, enjoying the warmth emanating from it. I open up to the next page in my book and start reading from where I'd left off, though even if I skipped ten pages, I'd know exactly what's going on.

Her son, Horry, stands behind her, staring at his feet as he takes our coats.

"Hey, Judd," he says to me.

"Hey, Horry."

He stiffens up when I pat his back. "I'm very sorry about Mort."

"Thanks."

"You're not seriously reading that book again, are you?" A voice asks me from across the room. I look up from my book and see Nick, standing a few feet away from me with his arms crossed. He's dressed in his pajamas, a white t-shirt and flannel's with a black robe thrown over it.

"What's wrong with it? It's been my favorite book since freshman year of college." I turn the book over in my hands. Sure it's older and a little used, but it's still put together and acts like a normal book should. "Why shouldn't I be allowed to read it again?"

"Jeff, the whole point of you being here, being home, is to move on from the past. Why are you clinging onto something from you past?" Nick asks.

I look at the book again, put it down, then look back up at Nick, stating, "This book was the book I read when my father died. Then my mother died. Judd and Paul and Phil and Wendy and even Horry, they all know what it's like to lose a father. It doesn't matter what age, they all lost a dad. And maybe I should be looking forward and not into the past, but moving on doesn't mean I should just drop everything that made me the person I am today."

"This is Where I Leave You" was the book that I read and re-read and re-read again through college. But after Dad died, I read that book once again in one sitting, trying to find something missing in that story that would help me better deal with his cancer and with his death. I mean the father, Mort, wasn't that close to the main character Judd, but I still feel like he had so much to deal with after his wife cheated on him and he lost his job and his whole world kept changing too quickly for him. 

Nick nods his head slowly, sitting down on another bar stool next to me. He picks up the novel now, turning it over in his hand to look at it. 

"I remember when I read this. I remember how it was horrible to think about all these things happening to the character and to the family and how somehow, through all that shit, they were able to deal with all of their problems, together? It was insane."