After Everything (A Starkid Fan Fiction)

Chapter 2-I Can't Look at You the Same

-I'm only a man with a candle to guide me. I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me. A monster, a monster. I've turned into a monster. A monster, a monster. And it keeps getting stronger. ~Imagine Dragons-

Chapter 2

"But the kicker..oh the fucking kicker!! Yes, the piece de resistance, was my favorite of all! Ha-ha-ha!! The bathroom attacks. Oh God. Oh God was that a rush! The first slap was the beginning. I'll admit I never planned that slap. But you should have seen the rest of that coming you little piece of shit. You should have realized that that slap meant more than just a slap. It meant the beginning of everything, leading up to now. Then the warning in the bathroom, then the attacking outside in the snow?You just can't do things like that to me, Alex. Can't expect me to leave you when you speak to me that way."

"How do you think Nick and Matt had Brian pick parts for the show? See, it wasn't exactly an audition for me, so much as a reflection of my true self! It's very true some of those lines I spoke in the show, Alex Rose! You see, if you can believe in what you're doing, it will get done! It'll happen! Because that's how you form a plan!

"PROOF?! WHAT PROOF? THAT I CUT YOU? BULLSHIT YOU FUCKING IDIOT, BULLSHIT!! You have no proof, Alex Rose, nothing on me that shows I'm the fucker who did anything to you. I have cleaned myself a very clear path to get here and when I leave, it'll stay that way. But whether you actually survive is caught up in the moment."

"This is yours, Alex! YOU DESERVE THIS!"

I sit up, screaming.

I take deep breaths, feeling intense pain on my arm and in my head. I quickly remember the pain in my arm is from the razor, and press my hands to my forehead to stop the headache forming.

It was just a dream. Nightmare more like it, but no less, it's not happening right now. Nothing is happening right now. I'm not in Alex's place, I'm not hurting anyone. I'm safe for the moment.

I hear a creak, turning my head towards the source of the noise.

Dozens, if not hundreds of shadowy figures stand in the precense of my room, all hauntingly large and surrounding me slowly, coming closer and closer, causing me to fall off my bed. I thud to the ground loudly, turning away from the figures. Next second I look up and they're all gone, no single trace of anything. I look around, turning frantically in place, shivering in fear. It was just my imagination. I take one long deep and shuttering breath, feeling my pulse begin to turn to normal. I shakily stand now, crossing my arms and looking out my large windows at the mostly silent city below.

I'm still shaking when I decide to try showering, to try to give myself a reason to be up at nearly three am. But images continue to appear in my mind and now all I can see is Alex's figure, lying on the floor, bleeding. I shake my head violently, managing to erase the image from the floor. I take some deep breathes, holding my hands on my head, reminding myself over and over again that the image I saw wasn't real, that it was a dream--a nightmare. It wasn't real.

The hot water pounds on my back while I stare straight ahead at the wall, a numb feeling overtaking my body. It's unpleasant to say the least, and makes me feel even more lost and depressed than before. I let the water fall, let steam fill my tiny bathroom while my wrist seers in agonizing pain from the burning water. I try to block out painful memories, I try to remain calm. I try to breathe. But I can't breathe. I pound my fist on the wall, angerly keeping in my screams of confusion and angst and pain. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I don't know what I am. I don't know what is happening to me.

I stagger out of the shower, grabbing my towel and rubbing down my hair, then wrapping the towel around myself. I look in my steamy mirror, looking at the hideous face behind it. I spit at my own reflection, making my way back into the other room to the kitchen.