Egotistical

35

Pharaoh almost was embarrassed to step back into  group Therpay, not that his friends made him feel like this or the teacher but so much happened. He sat there bouncing his leg up and down and half listened to everyone else talk. Without being able to look at his phone he watched the clock tick the whole time until it was time to leave- he had no where to go but he felt the pressure of the room. It was building and he didn't want to explode. He had about twenty minutes left but that felt like hours as the group counselor went around the circle asking everyone how they felt today after sharing her lecture.

     How did he feel? He started to think that to himself. On one hand he felt happy- him and Quelly finally made some progress. On the other hand, his mother died,  father is waiting for trial and school is going to shit. It just felt like every time  he dug himself out of a hole he got right back into it.  He wasn't as low as it might seem just overwhelmed. The house felt out of balance without his parents, Tas'hania was a beautiful mix of both of them but nobody was as extreme as Nassiah himself. Then it landed on him- someone who usually passed he almost didn't hear the question.

"Pharoah? How are you feeling as of late? We didn't see you for a couple sessions. Glad to have you back" she asked again and Pharoah just blinked. He thought he had better control of his mouth, of his thoughts and actions- but none the less the words dropped out his mouth like water from a faucet not fully turned off.

  "I'm feeling guilty" he spoke simply. His eyes glued to the clock as every tick more sentences came out, the weight of everything lifted off his chest- he could breathe again. He didn't realize how heavy everything was until he started explaining and he couldn't stop. " in some parts of my life I am happy- ecstatic. I got to feel what healthy love feels like. Not someone beating me, manipulating me or making me feel less of myself- I can be free without someone clipping my wings" he spoke and a small smile danced across his face. "But my mother is dead and for the first time I'm truly seeing how problematic she is- her mother put my father on trial so now my parents are stuck thousands of miles away- my sisters are without their parents, my aunt just got out of jail and shoved into another stressful situation all the while I'm walking around goofily in love"  he shrugged and slumped down into his chair his eyes darted around the circle he sat in, a few peoples mouths were held slightly opened- this was the first time he truly shared.

  "Oh and I decided I'm trying out for the indoor track team- so wish me luck" he added with a slight nod. His eyes glanced at his two friends who looked just as surprised that he announced all that. He just gave them a half smile and looked around. Maybe he should've stayed quiet.

     Meanwhile as their eldest and only son was for the first time getting into the real spirit of Therpay. Nassiah was trying to not beat Mo'Nae up. She wasn't saying anything he wanted to hear about his husband's case. Yes maybe it looked bad, but they have got through worse so Nassiah wasn't understanding where Mo'Nae and her lawyer  were talking about. His leg shook up and down on the other side of the desk grabbing the attention of the man sitting next to Nassiah. He just put his hand on the males leg which stopped it for a moment. Then Nassiah  leaned forward and Alonso couldn't help but exhale.

  "You pose to be a big ass lawyer, this a fucking assault charge. Figure it out" he snapped and checked his phone which stopped him from saying anything else. One of his kids saving the day calling he just got up and walked out answering.

   "We are going to have to keep him quiet, he can make things worse with that anger" the lawyer added and both Alonso and Mo'Nae mumbled in agreement. If only they could shut the male up sometimes. Well Alonso could. After the meeting Mo'Nae went back to work and Alonso was driving back to the Airbnb he had some work to do over the computer.Him and Maurice both being away from the center would mean there's a lot of work to catch up on and he wanted to stay ahead of that.