The Fae Book 3: Butcher and Raine

Chapter 26 (Raine): On Your Knees

"Maman, tell me the story about how my papa jumped through the portal."

"Again, Alexandre?" I smoothed that dark hair off his forehead as I cuddled him close. He'd be too big to do this much longer.

"He can't come back, Maman?"

"No, sweetheart, he can't."

Stories. Memories.

Those are all we have left when someone is suddenly, unexpectedly, permanently gone from our lives; it's all we have left for ourselves and all we have left to give. And they're never enough because while they may bring us a momentary smile, they also sting us with the reminder of all that we've lost. A memory is not the feel of them, it's not their scent, it's not their voice. It's an ephemeral bit of mist that, at best, masks our loss for a moment. 

But if the stories get shared often enough, they become like real memories to others.

I knew this to be true because I didn't remember my own papa, but through my mother's frequent sharing of her stories of him, Papa became a memory to me. Maman's tales of the man she loved turned him into someone real for me, someone I would have recognized if I'd bumped into him on the street.

Her love made him a person for me, and I knew him without knowing him.

And now Alexandre would face the same thing, but I didn't have the memories of Butcher that my mother had of my father. I thought at one time Butcher would be to me what my father was to my mother, and, despite the roughest of rough starts, maybe, given more time, he and I would have gotten there with the way he'd been trying lately.

You make my heart beat differently.

My head snapped up as my future flashed in front of me, and I broke away from Harmony and Daisy who were still holding my hands. Only seconds ago, Butcher had disappeared through the portal, and Burr had sealed it closed, trapping Butcher underground with the red fae. 

He and Hatch were both looking at the portal, talking intently.

"You get him back!" I yelled at Burr. "Get him back right this fucking minute! I don't care what you have to do, just get him back!"

"Raine," Burr said, and his voice was heavy with sorrow. "I'm sorry."

"No! NO! No, don't you dare stand there in front of me and tell me you're sorry! That's not good enough, Burr! You get him back. Get him back!" I was sobbing by now, ready to risk the wrath of the fae and throw Burr down and put my foot on his neck, cutting off his air, until he agreed to get Butcher back.

"The portal's sealed," he said gently. "Once it's sealed, it can't be reopened. That's to prevent the moon fae from coming out."

"They've been out for hundreds of years! Hundreds! Who cares if they come out again? Butcher doesn't deserve this! He helped you and agreed to it, knowing he could lose his life and he...and he..."

 And he sacrificed himself to make the world a little safer for me. For Alexandre.

Good morning, Alexandre.

Your little raindrop.

Sex with you...it made me feel good.

That's enough kicking your mother, Alexandre.

I'm sorry, Raine.

This man didn't know the first thing about emotions, and he'd been trying to find his way through all the new feelings, not knowing what was normal, and it broke my fucking heart that he'd never have a chance to figure things out, to get to experience more.