SHARING EMMA [18+]

45. Both of Us

|EMMA|

It took me a month spent in solitude to realize that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life just staring at the walls of my room. A month to remind myself that when I came to LA, I came with a dream to make a life for myself, a life that would be on my terms and no one else's. And as far as I can remember, I have lived up to my expectations.

I earned a good job for myself. A job that paid me well. A job that made it possible for me to have my own apartment in this expensive city.

Then I met Carl, and we hit it off, and it was amazing. It was literally a dream come true to be with someone like him. He wasn't just some run-of-the-mill guy. He was a Kingston, a man whose lifestyle was more lavish than any Hollywood star's, a man whose business was at the top of its game, and who didn't have any shortage of women in his life.

But he chose me because he acknowledged that what we had was special, rare, and absolutely amazing. He didn't care that I didn't meet his social standards or that I was a lowly paid employee of his company. He never granted me any undue favors that I didn't deserve. He let me be myself, never trying to mold me to fit his needs. He made me feel like I mattered, like my dreams were important, and that meant everything to me.

But Carl always knew that the age difference between us was not something to be taken lightly, so he suggested a more casual—more open—relationship where I was free to date other guys of my age. Yet, even though our relationship was open and he had every right to see other women too, he never did. His eyes were only for me.

He wanted only me.

I fell in love with him. But that love had no future.

Then I met Ryker, the man who made me laugh like no one else ever had. The man who cared deeply and felt just as intensely. He was my broken man, someone who had endured far too many heartbreaks for someone his age. No one should have experienced what he did at such a young age. He had been alone, hurt, and shattered.

As silly as it sounds, I fell in love with him too.

Yes, I wish he could have treated us a little better. I wish he wasn't so blinded by rage that he couldn't see how terribly he was hurting me—hurting us.

But he did, and the rest is history.

Now I stand in front of the dressing room mirror and wonder if all of this could have been avoided. If I hadn't met Carlos, hadn't given in to our attraction, maybe I wouldn't have gotten caught in the war of father and son. I would have never been invited to that freakish island, and Ryker's past wouldn't have returned to change our lives forever.

All of this could have been avoided if I had walked away from Carlos that night—the night of the masquerade ball where we met for the first time.

And that's when it hit me.

Something I should have done long ago.

Something that could have saved me from this absolute heartbreak.

My eyes widened and my entire body vibrated in agreement.

"I have to do this," I tell myself and step away from the mirror.

I don't waste any time after that.

I jump into the shower, letting the warm water wash away any lingering doubts. The steam swirls around me, creating a moment of clarity amidst the fog of emotions.

I quickly dry off, my heart pounding. I slip into a comfortable pair of faded jeans and a well-worn T-shirt, grabbing a lightweight jacket on my way out.

I head to a park first, gathering my thoughts and preparing myself for the confrontation. It wouldn't be a happy one, but it needed to be done, for my own sense of closure—for all of our sakes.