Diary of a broken heart

11🥀

Tonight I sat with jars of old memories and I couldn't help but wonder how I ended up like this.
How I had stop talking to everyone I was close with.
How I can't do without taking the pills.
How I wanted to end my life because of dark clouds.
If my seven years old could see me, what would she say?.
I know she won't be happy. But she can't possibly blame me right?.
Everything that happened was never planned, it just kind of happened.
Was it when I had no one to lean on?. Or was it when I cried myself to sleep. Or was it even when family made me feel worthless when I was trying my best.
I was neglected. Alone. In pain. I was screaming at the top of my voice for help but no one could hear me.
No one heard me.
The blade turned to be the only thing that made me felt alive. The only thing that pulled my lost soul back to reality.
So don't you dare blame me dear seven years old. Don't blame me for my scars.
They are what's keeping me firm, if not I'd have fallen.
Fuck!. I was lifeless. I couldn't feel anything.
Was like a living dead. I was fucking numbed!!!.
I could not feel anything. So yes I admit I scarred myself just to feel something even if it's pain.
Yes I admit, I drink, smoke and even take the pills just to feel something.
Don't dare criticize me, cause if it wasn't for those things, I would have ended my fucked up life a long time ago.
So jars of old memories, I'm breaking you now and forgetting the old me, cause this new me doesn't give a fuck just like the way, the world doesn't give a goddamn flying fuck!!!.

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