With Every Breath I Take

Chapter Five: Irritable Bowel Syndrome

I jammed to Sirusho's 'Donik,' attempting my best Armenian dance moves while seated in a car. The stupid seatbelt was getting in my way but I was making do. Nina was driving us to Santa Monica for our bi-weekly girls' night out. We were headed to a fashion grill with Latin vibes. Honestly, I had no clue what a fashion grill was, but it sounded like a bougie word for a restaurant. It was fine. We could be bougie bitches for one night.

I was singing gibberish words at the top of my lungs —since I did not understand a word of Armenian— when Athena tapped my shoulder from the backseat.

"Thalia, put the volume down," she yelled.

I huffed and lowered the volume, turning to face Athena as I scowled. "Why are you interrupting Sirusho?" I accused her.

"We've been listening to her on repeat for the past fifteen minutes," she defended.

I shrugged my shoulders. "So, what's your point? It's a new release. We'll probably listen to it another ten times."

"Yeah Athena," Nina added. "I'm pretty sure I've already heard it thirty times."

Athena waved her hand at us. "Okay, fine...Alex has been texting me non-stop."

"Awe," I cooed. "Is he having Athena withdrawals? Does he need to hug you again?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "No, Thalia. Theo is at my house again. He's been coming over every single day for the past three weeks."

"Yeah, so?" I asked, but I did not care to hear an answer one bit.

"Well, he spent the first week drinking all of Alex's fancy whisky," she explained.

"So?" I repeated.

Athena blew out a breath, shaking her head. "Thalia, if he really didn't care for you, if he was ashamed of you, then why would he spend weeks moping at my house?"

"Athena, I honestly don't care. Now, let's drop the topic," I suggested, but it wasn't really a suggestion.

I turned back toward the radio and raised the volume up. Sadly, I struggled to get back into my happy mood.

An hour and three shots of tequila later, I was flirting with our waiter, coming up with my genius plan. "So Jason, would you do me a favor?" I asked him.

"Sure," he said, smiling flirtatiously at me. "What is it?"

"Would you take a selfie with me while I pretend to kiss your cheek?"

His cheeks blushed red and he cleared his throat. "Sure," he agreed.

I smiled with gratitude as I opened the camera app on my phone. I positioned the camera while Jason posed. I leaned in toward his cheek, pouted my lips, and snapped a photo. I quickly texted the photo to Theo before I could second-guess myself.

After my task was complete, I faced Jason and smiled again. "Thank you, that was perfect."

He winked back at me. "Anytime."

As Jason walked away from the table, Athena cleared her throat. "Thalia, what are you up to?" she asked, worriedly.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Oh, I was just carrying out my evil plan."

Nina furrowed her brows at me. "Your evil plan?"

"Yep," I confirmed but didn't provide any more details.

"Well," Athena huffed. "Are you planning on telling us what this evil plan is?"

I smirked at her, barely controlling the urge to cackle like the Wicked Witch of the West. "Theo ruined my night, so I decided to ruin his."

Thirty minutes later, I was singing with the mariachi band to 'Por Tu Maldito Amor,' and I was convinced I had become an honorary member of the band when Theo walked into the restaurant. Alex followed behind him. I abruptly stopped singing and glared at them. Theo walked directly to me, grabbed my hand, and dragged me into a quiet corner.

Once he stopped walking, I pulled my hand back and gave him a little shove. "Don't touch me," I warned him.

He held up his hands and stepped back. "I'm sorry, Thalia. But, why did you send me that text? Were you trying to provoke me into coming here?" he accused.

"What?" I asked, with false affront. "You've been calling and texting me every day for the past three weeks. I was just returning the favor."

"Thalia, I just want to have a conversation with you. I need to understand why you ended us. Why did you so callously break my heart?"

"Callously?" I questioned. "Are you serious? You can't be serious." I poked my finger in his chest. "You," I whispered, angrily. "You're the one who callously broke my heart."

I watched as the color slowly drained from his face. "How did I break your heart?" he murmured. "Does this have to do with the comment you made when I approached you at Forest Lawn?"

I jerked my head.

"Thalia, please, we need to talk. I need to know what you were referring to."

"No," I yelled. "No, Theo. I do not want to talk to you." Then, I turned and walked back to the table.

Athena and Nina looked at me with worried expressions when I took a seat.

"Are you okay?" Athena asked.

"Fine," I grunted. "Where is Alex?"

She jerked her chin. "He's sitting at the bar. He wanted to give us some space."

I looked over at the bar and watched as Theo approached the barstool next to Alex and took a seat. I quickly turned back to Athena and crossed my arms. "That's not very much space," I said. "That's like the distance of Shaq's height."

"Well, to be more accurate Thalia," Nina said, chuckling. "That's more like the distance of Shaq and an average toddler's height."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Whatever," I mumbled and reached for my drink.

I was sipping on my margarita when I looked back at the bar and noticed a long-legged, blonde woman seated next to Theo, caressing his arm.

Oh, hell no! Just because I no longer wanted him, didn't mean I'd watch another woman flirt with him.

I quickly stood up and approached them.

"Theo," I cooed as I squeezed in between him and the blonde. "I knew that was you."

"Uh, hey Thalia," he mumbled, confused.

"How have you been darling?" I leaned in closer and pretended to whisper. "How is your irritable bowel syndrome doing?"

Theo stared at me open-mouthed, and I heard the blonde clear her throat as she stood up from the barstool. I gave him a condescending pat on his shoulder, turned around, and walked away.

Mission complete!