Silent Shadows: Book Two - The River of Secrets

VIII

The song of the rain awoke her, leading Silentdawn to rise up into a cloud of petrichor. She'd only just awoken, her mind still hadn't fully emerged from the sea of dreams. Everything physical and mental was a blur in this empty, gray world. 

She arose from the soaked grass, her calico pelt drenched in rainwater. Stormy, she thought as she gazed upward at the fog clouding the treetops. She shifted her focus away from above, her eyes drifting down towards the grass. Thick grass swamped by the flooding rainwater. Water that gazed back at her with her own piercing eyes.

She splashed the reflection away in disgust.

It was strange, wandering alone and aimlessly like this. She felt as if she was the only living thing to remain in this world, as if everyone else had simply vanished from this reality. Silentdawn hadn't done anything but wander lately, she'd barely eaten, barely drank anything. Hunting for prey to kill and eat, or searching around the woods for water, just seemed pointless. 

Am I going to die? At this point, she felt as if it wouldn't matter if she died. There's nobody left who would truly miss me. Just...myself. Actually, no. I won't die. I guess I'd miss living, even if nobody missed me.

She found herself wandering aimlessly. It all just felt so pointless. Wandering here, walking here for no reason. Existing for no reason. She searched around the gloom, finding that everything was once again consumed in a blur of gray. Then, something emerged. Something she wasn't sure was real.

A face. 

"We found you, murderer," the face yelled as it emerged from the dull greenery, its form following it. She wondered, was the mist passing through this being simply another object? Or was it a part of its inexistence? Murderer...

"What are you standing there for, monster? Don't you have anything to say for yourself!? Come on!" the stranger spat. "I'd kill you right there, but Duilleog would go berserk if I went against her orders. That idiot..." 

"Who are you?" Silentdawn asked in an awkward tone. "Who is Duilleog?"

"Who am I?" without warning, suddenly pain was painted across her face, experienced alongside the slash of claws. "I'm Feuer of the Marthanoiri, stupid! Vogel captured that other murderer. Some black cat with blue eyes, you know them?"

At that sequence, Silentdawn froze. She raised her paw, and softly, she touched the blood on her face. She felt pain. She felt blood. With disappointment, she welcomed the possibility that this was real. "Take me to your camp then, please." 

"Huh? Shouldn't you be fighting back, or something? Are you stupid?" Feuer spoke, dumbfounded.

"I don't have a reason to live right now," she replied. Though initially it was akin to an impulsive spilling of her emotions, she herself realized it was insincere. The realization of those words was creeping up on her. Stormpaw was alive, and imprisoned, likely due to misconception. If she acted now, she would see them again. And she'd no longer be alone. 

Guess I do have a reason to exist now.

"So, you really are stupid," the she-cat hissed. "Do you expect me to just drag a serial killer into our camp,  say it's important and think everyone's just gonna go along with it?"

"I need you to, please. There's something-"

"Huh? Something? You trying to make up a lie to cover the fact you're a serial killer? Because I'm pretty sure you got caught in the act!" she spat, looking at the dishevelled she-cat like she was an anomaly that'd crawled from a pit in the forest. 

Silentdawn hid her claws beneath the soil in frustration. Every word that came out of this cat's mouth was shouted aloud, as if she never comprehended that others had a sense of hearing. Breath puffed from her nostrils in amusement, before she suddenly glanced towards the bushes with narrowed eyes and a confident smirk. "'Kay, you can come out now!"

"Come out now? Wh-" 

Before she could even complete the sentence, claws suddenly swung against her head and knocked Silentdawn to the ground. The attack struck so quickly, so harshly, that her mind hadn't absorbed the situation until she was lying flat in the grass. Within a second, she turned to see Feuer, chin raised up and eyes gazing down upon her, her expression shifted into apparent disgust and condescension. "Pathetic," she spoke.

Silentdawn gasped, her sense of balance rushing through her head and down her spine. She could feel like ground tilting beneath her, moving against her to throw her back down whenever she tried to move back onto her paws. In an instant glance she found herself face to face with a stranger, before another blow knocked her mind from her form. 

She slipped from comprehension, dropping into a warm ocean. Waves which she couldn't see. Couldn't imagine.

And within a second, she was crushed into nothing at the lightless floor.

There, she was greeted with the consciousness that unconsciousness had to offer. Mindless visions, simply nonsensical paintings of her subconscious. But within the abstract journey, there came a vision Silentdawn was familiar with.

Blue eyes. Blue eyes again.

I've seen these eyes before.

Then those stranger's words, the stranger who'd called her a murderer.

I am the murderer? That phrase was familiar, yet she didn't know where from. It was pulling her mind to a place that, to her, didn't exist. She must've heard it in another dream.

I am a murderer. I know this, I know it well. So why do I keep being taught this? I'm gone. I've refused to make an impact on any life anymore. I am not really here. 

But if I never help anyone, never do anything, it'll be like I never existed.

Soon, she found herself greeted with a unique sensation. A feeling of not being alone in her own psyche. But that was impossible in a dream, wasn't it? To dream was to be alone, left to wander within one's own mindscape. And yet, she could feel that fundamental fact shatter.

Formless energy, energy she felt had a name, was reaching out to her. Intruding the mind, something that was one's true personal possession. Something nobody else was ever supposed to see. This feeling, this nameless feeling.

"You loved me when I was alive. And I shifted your mind into something it never was supposed to be. I am sorry."

It was divine.

It was as warm as the sun.