Time for set number two.
TW, mentions of suicide, descriptions of suicide, suicidal ideation, mentions of self harm, romanticization of dark topics, hypersexuality
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Ennoshita still wasn't let on the court. Not a surprise.
He sat on the bench and watched. Like he always did.
It made him bitter.
Hateful.
He hated being on the bench. Seeing everyone out playing and having fun. Even kinoshita and narita went on at least once this year, but him? Never. It's like the coach had it out for him. In the end it was his decision who went on and who was kept off.
Ennoshita would try so hard, how could he just be left behind? He was convinced it was because he looked like the most average person in the world.
Some how he got stuck looking like the most uninteresting person ever. He tried dying his hair one day, back in middle school. It looked awful, and kids laughed at him.
Never again.
He didn't even want to be here in the first place. Not just in the gym, in the world. Everything just made him miserable. Nothing worked. He hated it. He hated himself.
He was pretty sure if he didn't kill himself before school ended, he'd just end up dying out on his own in the real world.
He felt like a loser, who wouldn't amount to anything. For all he cared, he was just a loser.
God, he wished this game would just end so he could go home. His mom wouldn't be home, neither would his dad.
His mind kept going to the different rooms. The different ways. The times. The possible outcomes. Everything.
The sharp and loud whistle blew, ennoshita looked up. Could the game be over?
No.
Just another lousy point to nekoma. Karasuno was losing. Luckily it was almost over. Well, that is if karasuno wouldn't make a come back. But there's no come back from 20 - 12. At least not for karasuno. Not tomorrow, not now, not yesterday. Not in years.
He started watching the game again.
With each thump of the ball hitting the gym floor, his thoughts drifted more and more to darker thoughts.
Drawing lines on his arms and writing the notes in blood. Each line deeper than the last. He could almost smile at the thought. Maybe he could even take photos, he thought the idea was cute.
He could dress up all cute and fancy, drawing lines and cool shapes on his stomach. Fuck it, why not swallow a couple pills while he's at it?
He just wanted to die, in the worst way possible. If he wasn't able to be the best, he wanted to be the worst.
Maybe then he wouldn't be so average.
The game was at match point. Practically over. Ennoshita hadn't cared to pay attention. All he knows is nekoma won, no shocker there.
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|| You make me better || ▪︎ennoshita x kenma▪︎
Fanfiction!!The story takes place during ennoshita and kenmas first year!! He went into this club lazy, seriously depressed, mildly suicidal and straight, and left determined, happy, and super gay. Ennoshita recently joined the karasuno volleyball club becaus...
