The Journal: The First Edition

Chapter 5

Even though I wasn't near him right now, I could tell that Johnathon tensed up the moment I said that. The tip of his tail twitched, as did one of his ears. For a brief moment, he stared at the wall beside him. When he focused on me again, he seemed calmer, as if he was taking a moment to calm himself. Or, maybe he was preparing for me to say something that would upset him, or make him mad.

He stayed silent as he approached me, and when he stood before me I felt infinitely smaller than I was. I had to look up to him like this, and it wasn't something I was used to doing. It wasn't something casual this time around. A shadow cast over me in the shape of his silhouette, and as he crossed his arms I felt terrified. I wondered if he could tell I was afraid.

It wasn't that I was afraid of him, I was afraid of how he could react to what I wanted to say. But he was patient, unnaturally patient. He said nothing, but he softened the way he looked at me. That was the only signal I could've gotten that was his way of telling me not to be afraid. I took the hint, and sucked in a lungful of air before I turned away.

I stepped away from him back to my shelf, happy to be out of his shadow. From my finished books, I grabbed the history book about the war. I held it close to my chest in two of my hands, the others hanging limp at my sides. I retracted them with a sigh as I returned to stand beside Johnathon, avoiding the shadowed out space he cast against the wall.

"It's... about this," I said hesitantly, lifting up the book for him to see the cover. "I found it among the books you brought me, but I only read it today. I don't remember when you could've brought it to me... but this is the first time I've touched it."

I handed the book to him, feeling my discomfort with his silence growing. But it continued as he took the book, reading the cover properly. His expression changed. It was still soft, but he seemed much sadder now... Based on the information I learned, I knew why.

"I didn't realize this book was with the others I brought," Johnathon said, handing the book back to me.

"You didn't?" I questioned as I turned back to the bookshelf, and returned it where I had put it before.

"I told the librarian that I was buying these books for someone who had never been to our region before, let alone our city," the feline explained. "One of the bundles she gave me... she mentioned that she had put a different book in it that she thought that person would like to read. I guess this was the book she mentioned, though I can't imagine why anyone would like to read it."

"...It was interesting to me," I said hesitantly. "Well, until I read the honors pages. That's... why I wanted to talk to you about this. I guess you already understand why?"

"Sort of," Johnathon mumbled, looking away from me and crossing his arms once more over his chest. "You can be blunt about it, I don't care."

"I just didn't want to upset you with me saying it so suddenly," I said, taking a deep breath before I spoke my thoughts. "I... saw a lot of the people that died had your last name. Were you... related?"

Even though he had asked me to be blunt, it was obvious that the question stung him. His ears drooped at the sides of his head, and his tail instinctively curled by his side. His lips pursed and his gaze remained glued to the floor. Instantly, I felt regret asking the question, but I'd already done the damage.

Eventually, Johnathon opened his mouth to answer me.

"They were my sisters," He said. it was obvious in his tone that the discussion still hurt him. "It's... been nine years since the war happened. I spent the entire day helping the other soldiers recover their bodies. We found all of them eventually, except... one."