My depression and me
My depression journey started two years ago
I wasn't as happy as I usually was
And I didn't really like the things I used to like
I didn't have motivation to do things
My parents started to call me lazy
I didn't know how to tell them that I wanted to do things but I just couldn't
So I didn't say anything
I had several mental breakdowns
Mostly at night when I was alone
I tried talking to my mom telling her that I thought I might have depression
But she whipped it of and said it was probably because of the hormones
A few months flew by
And I got worse
I started cutting myself
It felt good
And before I know it I was addicted to it
I tried stopping many times but I always failed
Then I started going to therapy
My therapist said I didn't have depression
Because people with depression can't get out of bed in the morning and I was feeling sad at night
Because of my anxiety and depression I didn't go one time
She left a voicemail saying that our sessions were over
About a month later I couldn't get out of bed in the mornings
Witch made my parents mad
I still can't tell them that it's because of my depression
They know that I'm depressed
They know that I cut myself
They saw the scars
But for some reason they only make my life harder
By not being there for me but to talk me down when I didn't do a simple task
Witch I wanted to do but just couldn't
And then I feel bad about myself for not doing it
Then I cut myself to make the mental pain physical pain
So its an endless circle
Whom I cant seem to get out of
I feel like no one should experience depression
But I also want them to just be I my shoos for one day
So that they can feel how it is for me
I never really tell anyone about my depression
I feel like they would think I would do it for attention
Or feel like its not that worse
And I don't want to disturb anyone with my problems
So I keep them for myself
And become my own therapist
Witch means forcing myself to do the things I love
And being ok with having a bad day
As long as I make up for it with a good day
I don't want to die so you don't have to worry about that
I just want to be happy again
So I try as hard as I can
And maybe one day
I'm the old me
And I'm happy again
