Love me better [Fyolai Highschool Au]

I Miss You

Fjodor looked across the dining tables in the cafeteria, a few tables further into the room, where Gogol and some other students sat. He stared at the white haired male. When their eyes met his stomach fluttered, then he looked away. Just to stare at him a few moments later again.

"Tomorrow is another meeting, Dostojewsky-san. We want to discuss the new sports equipments to buy for the next year." Sigma sat next to him. "Dostojewsky-san, are you listening to me?" Insecure the junior looked at Fjodor. "Yes, the sports equipment. I already made a sample list. Anything else?" Unsure Sigma tilted his head. "You seem a bit absent minded, Dostojewsky-san. Is something on your mind?" Fjodor immediately glared at him. "Nothing of your concern, secretary", he said harshly, which made the younger one flinch.

Days went by like this. Fjodor was lucky he had such a high IQ, otherwise his grades would have dropped drastically during the past few weeks, but thanks to his intellect, he could keep his perfect image like everything was normal.

Only at night, when he was alone in his room, he thought of Nikolai. "Nikolai", he whispered his name. "Nikolai... kolai... kolya..." He had given up on trying to force himself not to think about it. But he tried remembering something bad afterwards, so he would not like it too much. However, most of the time he fell asleep on the good thoughts.

"Dostojewsky, Gogol, would you please take these papers to the teachers office?", the teacher said after class was dismissed. Fjodor sighed. Uncomfortably he picked up a stack of paper, waiting for Gogol to do the same. The white haired boy hesitated. "You can go first", he said. Fjodor rolled his eyes. "That's childish, do you hate me that much?" Suddenly Gogol's expression went sad. "I don't hate you", he said. "Actually... " The rest of the sentence went down in a whisper. "Whatever, now get up and help me." Fjodor gripped his stack tighter and made his way to the door. Hesitantly Nikolai followed him.

They had almost reached the teacher's office on the ground floor, when a ball flew in from the open window. Startled Fjodor stopped and Gogol walked right into him. All the papers spilled on the floor. Nikolai sighed. "Wait, I'll help you", Fjodor said, setting his own stack aside. They reached out for a paper, when their hands slightly touched. Fjodor waited for his reaction to flinch away, but it didn't come. He stayed there. His fingers below Gogol's. Irritated Nikolai glanced at him. For a moment time seemed to stop. "I... I mean... I... Sorry...", Gogol stammered and pulled his hand away.

In an impulse, Fjodor grabbed his hand again. Even more surprised, Nikolai looked at him. "Don't ignore me... Please. Why do you do this?" Nikolai tried to pull his hand away again but Fjodor held him tight. "Nikolai..." The white haired male flinched when he heard his name. "Don't do this to me, please, just leave me alone. This just makes it harder", he said and shook himself free to collect the papers. "Why? Just tell me. Why do you do this?" Nikolai had gathered all the papers and stood up again. "No. We don't tell each other anything, remember? We're not even friends, you said so yourself. You don't have a monopoly on me and I have every right to get other friends if I'm tired of you." Fjodor flinched at the harsh words. "That's not what you really think. I know it. I know you better." - "Even if you do, it's none of your business." With that he left. "But I miss you...", Fjodor whispered when Nikolai couldn't hear him anymore.