Love me better [Fyolai Highschool Au]

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He had no idea if Nikolai read the letter. He had just had it secretly placed in his bag and now the days went by. But he wished, he didn't do it. Someone must have caught wind of it, for now rumors went around he wrote a love letter to Gogol. Nobody dared to say a word to his face, but Fjodor always knew what people talked about. Exhausted he went to his office. It was almost the end of the school year and he had to prepare for the last meeting and the next year.

However, on his desk lay an envelope. His name was written on it. His heart jumped when he recognized the handwriting. With shaking hands he opened the envelope and unfolded the letter.

Dear Fjodor,
Thank you for the letter. However, I'm afraid the situation won't change even if I tell you. And you heard the rumors, I bet. So just stop it. And I already said it. It's pathetic, ridiculous, you'd only laugh about it anyway. Please, just hate me and go on.
I don't want to have to insult you anymore. Just accept it.

Nikolai

Fjodor crumpled the paper to a little ball and threw it in the bin. That idiot! He grabbed another paper. You don't get rid of a Dostojewsky that easily.

I won't stop. And I don't care if it doesn't change the situation. It changes something for me.

PS. I won't hate you, no matter what you do.

He gazed at the paper. Then he let his head sink onto the desk. What was this? Why was Nikolai so important to him? He gazed at his hand. He wanted to feel his touch again. Feeling guilty he fetched the crumpled letter from the bin again.

Then a knock was heard on the door. "Not now", he said. "Dostojewsky-san, it's about the committee meeting next week. The headmaster asked me to inform you." Sigma. Fjodor sighed. "Come in then." Shyly the junior entered the office. His eyes fell on the notes on Fjodor's desk. Quickly he covered them with his arms. "None of your business." Sigma looked down on the floor. "Sorry. About the meeting. The headmaster said the budget for the sports equipment was reduced and the basketballs can be used another year. Also, he wants a complete cost list of this year's expenses."

Fjodor sighed. More work for him. And as much as he loved his work, he just wasn't good with just numbers. That expense list would be a real hassle. "May I... Say something?", Sigma asked, treading from one foot to the other. "Do what you have to." Fjodor signaled him to sit down on the couch. "Is that letter an answer from Gogol-san?"

Fjodor completely turned around. He didn't expect that kind of question. Sigma was the one who put the letter in Nikolai's bag for him however. He sighed. Since Gogol came here, he had gotten way too soft. "Yes, it is." Sigma seemed equally surprised he got an honest answer. "Was it fortunate?" Fjodor glared at him. That was enough of an answer. "Should I deliver another letter?", Sigma asked. Hesitantly Fjodor lifted his arms.

"Say, Sigma", he then said. "Why do people care about others?" The junior seemed happy to get that much intel on his all so cold senior. "Well, humans need social contacts to survive, we learned that in sociology. Do you think about Gogol-san? I mean, you two seem like close friends. Caring about others brings happiness to oneself, just as being taken care of comforts the soul." Fjodor thought about Sigma's words. Then he snapped out of it. "That's enough. Don't you have other things to do?" Sigma flinched, then left in a hurry.