Words on Paper

Letter number 12

Dear Gabriel.

Date: 25/9

It's been another two weeks since my last letter. I bought that baby carriage from Jonah like I told you I would. It's pretty, I guess; dark blue, it's decorated with white ribbons and laces. It looks a bit like the one you had when you were a baby, I looked at some of the pictures of you this morning. I wanted to call your parents and say thanks to them for taking so many pictures when you were a kid, but I couldn't. I was afraid your dad would pick up and start talking to me about football or politics like he always did with you because I don't know that much about any of those topics. I wonder if you talk about politics with the other guys, that would be very much like you. Do you even get news where you are or do you just hope for me to tell you about the world? I don't watch the news anymore and I haven't for weeks now. I watch programs about nature and movies, but never news. I canceled your newspaper a week after you left.

That's okay, though. I never really cared for the news in the first place, and Hannah says I shouldn't pay for something I don't use. So I don't. Anymore.

I also had that dinner with Jonah, your cousin, and Cassidy. He invited me so I agreed on having dinner at their house. Their daughter, Emma, is so cute. She looks a bit like your aunt Lizzy, but maybe that's just an illusion. I really want our child to look like us. Remember my mom's friend Tiffany? She came by our apartment for about a year ago. It's okay if you don't remember her. Anyway, she has two kids, twins, and they just look so much like her. I really want that to be us. I was thinking, when you get back, maybe we should try to get pregnant again. I know twins doesn't run in either or our families, but I've always wanted twins. And therefore I thought to myself last night, that maybe we should just get pregnant again and then it will be just as if we had twins.

I've always wanted a boy and a girl. Actually, I've always wanted a lot of kids. A whole football team. Maybe we could send them to a private school. Do you think we could do that? I mean, do you think we could afford that? Maybe, if I started working now, we could afford private school. I'm not having a baby yet, so maybe I could get a job at a café. I know it isn't much, but maybe if I just save the money...

I'm sorry I brought it up. We don't need to send them to private school. It's stupid anyway. I've heard that public school is just as good as a private school and that paying for a private school is just money down the drain. You know what, we shouldn't send them to private school. I don't mind a public school. Besides, we don't have to decide right now. I haven't even had the baby yet.

I've been considering taking a job for some time now. Maybe I could start working in Hannah and her husband's gallery. Selling paintings. I can't paint and I've never could, but maybe I can be a saleswoman. Or I could work in a bookshop! You know I love books. I will try to find something I like.

Oh, I almost forgot. We have new neighbors! An old couple just moved in downstairs, I think the woman's about 70 and the man is definitely older than she is. They just moved in this weekend and they seem extremely nice. I'll invite them for lunch as soon as possible. I think they have a son, a middle-aged man helped moving their furniture up the stairs. I talked to him for about five minutes, because I was on my way out. He asked me where I lived and I told him we live just upstairs. He's probably in his forties, so don't be jealous. I know you say you're never jealous, but I also know that's not true. I love you, remember that. But, well, he seemed nice too, I guess.

Hannah came by last weekend too and she brought cake! It was with chocolate and strawberries and this incredible cream. Maybe it's because I'm pregnant, but I just want to eat sugar all the time. And cake. I wanted to send you a piece of the strawberry cake, but Hannah said it would be a bad idea. She's probably right; the cake will just be all over the package and if someone reads your letters they'll probably open your packages too and then they might eat the cake. So I just thought I'd tell you about instead. I've started practicing baking cookies, so I'll send a whole bunch of them soon. And don't worry, I'll fill them with white chocolate, just like you love them. I know it's never gonna be the same as your mom's chocolate cookies, but I'll stuff them with your favorite chocolate. I've always liked dark chocolate more, but you know that already. Do you get chocolate where you are? If you don't, I could send you some. I'll send you a package full of cookies and chocolate with my next letter, I promise! Yes, that's a great idea.

The weather here is cold. Rainy days, you know. But it is September after all, so I can't really blame the weather Gods. I have a great news; the baby will be born in March, so it will be spring at all of its birthdays. We can have picnics and take our child to the zoo. We can even have a party in the park. Not like on my birthday, it's always raining on my birthday. Yours too. I'm just so excited about this.

Last Christmas, best New Year's Eve ever, by the way, when we decided to get a baby together, do you remember what you asked me? You asked how it would feel to be pregnant. I told you we would find out, I promised to let you know everything. Then you laughed and told me you didn't want to know all the gross parts, and then we laughed together and the countdown on Times Square ended and we kissed. I've found out I like being pregnant. I feel connected to you in a way I've never experienced before, it's like you're right here next to me. I wish you were pregnant too so you could feel me right next to you too. I've only been with child for three months now and all the hard parts are ahead of me, but I just wanted you to know how amazing it feels. I don't care that it'll hurt when the baby comes, I don't care if the birth will take hours. This feels great. I just wish you could be here when the baby starts kicking.

I miss you, Gabe. A lot. I know it's only been about two and a half month, but still, I miss you. I'm so excited for when you'll return. We'll go to the movies and visit every restaurant in New York City even if it will take days, we'll do all the stuff we aren't able to do right now. And we'll talk and you'll place your arm around my shoulders when I sit on the couch, and we'll hold hands while we walk down the streets with our new old baby carriage. It will be great. Take care of yourself. Till next time,

Love,

Your Claire