One Look

Heather

I kissed her. I realised when I let go of her face and met her eyes, clearly in shock. I can't even form any coherent thoughts in my head nor can I do anything. That's when the bell rings and it's time for our next class. I just pick up my bag and start walking out the bathroom. I don't hear her walking after me.

I get back to the classroom and sit down. Not paying attention to the people looking at me. I have more important things to worry about. Like how I just kissed my childhood best friend and didn't hate it. It felt right. A kiss has never felt like that to me before. I lay down on my desk and try to ignore her as I hear her seat move as she sits down in front of me.

The teacher still isn't here yet and I hate them for it because then maybe I could distract myself. I close my eyes and that's when I feel someone tap my shoulder. I refuse to open my eyes until I hear Dre's voice say my name.

I open my eyes and meet his hazel eyes looking down at me. I get off my desk and look at him, waiting for him to say something. He looks nervous, like he was about to cry.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I was just mad when I told Freda that. I didn't think she'd tell people" he says scratching his neck avoiding eye contact.

I cannot be bothered with this whole thing. I've stressed about it enough. I don't care if they think I'm a gold digger or whatever. We're almost done with school and then I'll never have to see these people again.

"It's cool" I say, nodding. I find my eyes shifting focus to Diora. Her long black hair moved with the wind from the window. She was reading something on her phone, seemingly unbothered. Maybe I had made a big deal out of nothing. But I couldn't deny the way I felt when I kissed her. It felt right.

I don't even hear what Dre is saying to me because my focus is on her. That's until the teacher walks in gaining everyone's attention. He goes back to his seat and I look at him. He's slumped on his chair his posture looking defeated but for some reason I don't feel guilty anymore.

I did love him. I loved him so much I couldn't imagine a life without him and now I don't even know who I am and I don't even know if I want him in my life anymore.

We're probably going to get back together again when I feel lonely again. When I miss his corny jokes or comforting presence. That's what always happened. We'd always find our ways back to one another and I hated the fact that we're not speaking anymore but I've changed. I can't keep pretending to be ok.

I try not to think about it because I've been thinking about it the whole summer break. I start feeling faint but I try to keep my eyes open by drinking some water and taking some deep breaths. It works and I start paying attention to the lesson, even making notes.

My grandfather always said that I was strong, that he could see it in my eyes. He told me that no matter what obstacle I'll face in life, I'll always come on top. Hearing that made me confident, it made me want to face the world as I am.

I smile remembering the fun moments I have with my grandparents. They're really more like my parents. I never understood how sweet and loving people could give birth to my father. He was anything but sweet.

"Okay class, now I want you to get into pairs and have a discussion about the question written down on the board" the teacher says.

This catches me off guard but I try to stay calm. Before I could even do anything, Dre is by my side asking to pair up. I look at Diora but she's already paired up with someone else. I feel a pang of jealousy and I can't tell if it's in a friendly way or not.

"Yeah let's pair up" I say smiling at him. This makes his eyes light up and a big smile forms on his lips.

"Thanks Heather" he says excited. I giggle because his excitement seems genuine. I've always liked that about him, he was always genuine. I didn't understand why he'd say that to Freda. Did he actually believe that or did something make him believe that or someone.

Whatever it is, I hope we could still be friends. We do the work and I catch him glancing at me which makes me nervous for some reason.

The class ends with me promising to meet up with him at the end of the day. I'm excited because I have a distraction from my real problem, a problem that I am not ready to face.

The day felt unbelievably long but it ends and I meet Dre in the parking lot next to his car, its one if those fancy sports cars that I don't know the names of. I was never really into cars, no matter how much I tried to care. He was though and he'd talk about it all the time and I did listen, just because it made him happy.

He opens the back seat door "let's talk in the back" he says. I nod and get in, he follows and closes the door behind him.

I start feeling nervous again and he notices "look, I'm really sorry about how things played out. It's no excuse but Freda got into my head and one thing led to another.." he started rambling and before he could finish I crashed my lips against his.

He reacts fast by pulling me in by my waist. It's become natural at this point. Our lips move in sync as I hear him sigh in relief. I pull back and tears start forming in my eyes.