The Tree Remembers

Unless

I plopped down next to Wayne, sighing heavily. He set an arm around me and squeezed my shoulder.

"Thank God you showered. You were starting to smell as bad as you did when you were in middle school," he teased. I smiled and elbowed him, making him laugh. He took a sip of his beer and ruffled my hair. "You okay, kid?"

"Oh, I'm fine!" I lied. He grinned.

"I was always glad that you were such a bad liar. It made keeping you out of trouble that much easier," he teased. I smiled and shrugged.

"I'll be okay."

"Has it got anything to do with the lack of sleepovers you've been attending?" he asked carefully. I sighed.

"It's embarrassing to be asked about my crush," I joked back. He patted my shoulder.

"What happened?"

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back.

"I'm an asshole."

"Well, we knew that," Wayne teased. I smiled but kept my eyes shut.

"How...how can you convince someone you've changed?" I asked. Wayne got quiet.

"What do you mean?"

I finally opened my eyes and looked down at my lap.

"Like...if you were really terrible to someone before, but you really have changed," I explained. "The person you were awful to will still remember what you did. But you want to convince them you're not that person anymore."

Wayne nodded and cleared his throat.

"Well, kid, have you apologized?"

I nodded. He nodded back at me and shrugged.

"Sometimes, kid, the best thing you can do to convince someone you've changed is to keep living how you have now. Whether or not you that person believes you can't really be impacted by anything you do," he started. I felt my mouth twist into a frown. "Because if you really hurt someone that bad, they are allowed to feel some way about it."

"I guess you're right," I said sadly.

"That doesn't mean you haven't changed though. And that doesn't mean you don't deserve forgiveness," Wayne assured me. I smiled at him and gave him a hug. I could tell he was surprised, but he hugged me back.

"Thanks, Wayne," I whispered. He patted my back.

"Of course," he replied. I pulled back and stood.

"I think I'm going to go to bed," I announced. He frowned.

"It's early, nephew," he said, concerned. I shrugged and started back towards my room.

"I don't really want to do much else," I explained.

I tromped back to my room. I closed my door behind me and threw myself on the bed. I looked up at the ceiling and groaned as I realized I was going to do something pathetic. I rolled over and pulled a pillow out from under the stack I normally slept on. I buried my face in it – I had realized this was the pillow Elle had slept on when I got a whiff of her perfume one night. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

This was painful, but it would be okay. Wayne was right – she didn't have to forget what I did, but it didn't mean I hadn't changed. And the "just friends" of it all had gotten really hard – I had liked her so much and I hated not being able to call her my girl.

I was going to be okay. I knew I never deserved her, but golly, the time we had was amazing. I would need to take solace in that. Maybe one day she would trust me, and we could be something.