The Tree Remembers

Clarity

"You don't remember her?" I asked Gareth for the millionth time. He shook his head and furrowed his brows.

"I just assumed that she moved here two years ago – when I met with her to get our audition, she acted like we were meeting for the first time," he answered.

"Maybe it was the first time she met all of us – maybe when Eddie came back, he ran into her at the mall and pissed her off before our audition," Jeff mused, plopping down next to me on the couch. I shook my head.

The nagging familiarity I had felt since I had met her now made sense. But I could not, for the life of me, place her. I couldn't remember what I had done to her, or who she was, outside of the girl I had become crazy for over the last few days. I screwed my eyes shut as I remembered how hurt she was. How sad she looked under all of her anger. It made me hate myself, and I didn't even know what I had done. How could I have managed to screw it up with a girl like her so badly?

She hadn't come into work for three days. I didn't know I could miss someone who had been so delightfully sharp with me. But I did. I was desperate for her to call me pathetic or annoying.

I stood up and sighed. I ran my hand through my hair and looked at my friends.

"We have to know her from somewhere, guys – the way she looked at me," I started. My chest clenched and I felt that same guilt from earlier. "The way she looked at me, she knew me."

Gareth shrugged and looked at Jeff. They looked just as lost as me.

"Okay – I have to go to work. Thanks, guys," I said absentmindedly. I started out of Gareth's house and climbed into my van. I drummed the steering wheel as I drove, lost in my thoughts.

How did I know her? I didn't know any Elle's. I would have remembered someone has sharp and bristly as her – she would have always made me crazy for her. And I would have remembered her body and how curvy it was. I would daydream about it – there's no way I would have forgotten it.

I had done terrible things, no doubt (I still hadn't seen Dustin since coming back), but what could I have done to her? I couldn't place her, but I felt that gnawing, nagging feeling at the back of my mind. I was desperate to make whatever I did right with her, start fresh and let her know that whatever version of Eddie did whatever I did to her wasn't me anymore.

I chewed my thumbnail. That last part wasn't bullshit. Old Eddie was a selfish ass who prioritized himself. He was someone who thought that he didn't need any of his friends or family. Old Eddie told the kid who he loved like a little brother to lose any contact information. The last two years had changed me – especially when Wayne had figured out how to get a hold of me and let me know how sick he was. That's when I packed everything in and came back home. I had promised Wayne I wouldn't tell anyone he was getting treatment, so I had told everyone I just couldn't cut it.

I pulled into my now normal parking spot at The Hideout and looked around for Elle's car. I felt even worse and shut my van off. I got out and trudged to the bar.

"Is she sick?" I heard Grant ask Nick. I felt my stomach drop.

"Kind of," Nick answered. Grant loved Elle like a daughter, it seemed – he was protective of her. I wondered if he knew what I did to her. I sighed. Probably not – if he did, he would have probably ripped my throat out when he first met me.

"Should we send her medicine?" Grant asked.

"She's not that kind of sick, Grant," Nick replied, trying to be gentle. I walked up to the bar and smiled tightly.

"Hey, guys," I greeted. Grant smiled back, but Nick glared at me. The day after Elle stormed out, Nick had come back to work, seemingly armed with the information I lacked. He refused to answer any questions of mine.

"Hi, Eddie – still no, Elle," Grant said before I could ask the question I asked every day. I nodded and looked at my feet.

"Okay, thanks," I replied. Grant tromped to the back, and I looked at Nick. He narrowed his eyes at me and kept cleaning glasses. "Hey, Nick."

"Eddie," he said, tersely. I sighed.

"Can you please—"

"No," he interrupted. He started towards the back, and I followed him.

"Nick, please, you know how much I like her," I begged. "I just want to make it right."

"From what she told me, I doubt it," Nick snapped. He tried to walk to the back faster, but I stayed close.

"Nick, I am not that guy anymore, whatever I did—"

"That's the problem, Eddie," Nick hissed, turning on his heel and stopping me in my tracks. He glared at me. Of the people who considered Elle one of their favorite people, Nick was the most loyal and protective. "You keep saying 'whatever I did.' You need to remember. Elle Fisher is one of the most amazing people I know, and you're lucky she didn't treat you how you deserved."

I couldn't hear Nick anymore – Fisher. That sounded familiar. Fisher. Fisher. Fisher. How did I know that? Elle Fisher. Elle Fisher?

Nick groaned and rolled his eyes, storming off. I went back to the front, repeating the name to myself. I had heard that name before. I had said that name before.

"Eddie, start checking ID's," Grant ordered, pointing to the front door. I nodded and trotted over, flashing a smile at the raccoon-eyed girl. She handed me her ID and I barely scanned it before handing it back.

I operated on autopilot, barely looking at ID's before letting people in. The band started and I watched sadly. Elle was such a good stage manager – I had watched her calm down the talent and build them up, making them feel like they could do anything. She would make the audience laugh as she introduced them, confident and shiny on stage. I always heard people talk about her and give her compliments, even when she wasn't around. Her absence was obvious.

I kept thinking about, Elle, wondering if I was ever going to see her again. Maybe I should quit so she could come back to the place she had built up. I sighed and leaned against the doorway, staring out into the night.

Elle Fisher. What had I done to you, Elle Fisher? I just wanted to make it right. I wanted to prove that I was the kind of guy who would never hurt you again. I felt my body stiffen and the nagging feeling in the back of my mind was replaced with complete clarity. I gasped and felt my blood turn to ice.

Elle Fisher. Ellie Fisher.

Smellie Fisher.